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daughters care during her breast cancer

Posted In: Medical Stories 1 Replies
  • Posted By: debbie612
  • October 27, 2008
  • 00:12 AM

I wanted to share my daughter's (linda) story with readers so they make sure they find a caring and compassionate doctor because it make a lot of difference during the healing and wellbeing process. My daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 yrs ago at the age of 31, she first noticed her right breast was leaking, and then found a lump on the side of her breast, she was told by her gyno, it was normal for a womans nipples to leak from being touched by her husband, ect.. (Well, that can also be a sign for cancer) She made an appointment with a surgeon to have the lump checked out, he said pretty much the same as the gyno, and said because of her age, it was probably a cyst and not to worry, she insisted he take it out because it hurt her. I was living in california and she was in connecticut, she called me and said, mom, i didnt want to tell you i had a lump till i knew for sure what it was and what was going on but.... then came the dreaded words, i have breast cancer..she said the doctor told her he about fell out of his chair when he read her biopsy results. Before i go on with my story i hope any one reading this will go to a doctor if they are having these problems and stand up for your rights, you are your own best doctor and your instincts are usually right. She had to have a radical mystectomy, and because she had triple negative receptors, she had to take 3 different chem's, on her second set of chemo she got a bed instead of sitting in a chair along side other woman and she was laying there, her arm all sweeled up because she had lympdema from removing all her lympnodes, when the nurse walked in linda told her how bad her arm hurt and the nurse said, "whine, whine, whine. thats all you do, go tell it to your mother" I looked at her husband cj, we both had are mouths wide open with shock, and my daughter had tears in her eyes, i immediatley said honey, she was just kidding, she said, no mom, she wasn't, well, i knew that but i was trying to calm her. I wanted to run out there and scream at her, how dare you talk to my daughter like that, but i didnt, because i didn't want to do anything to make it worse. I had so many questions i wanted to ask her dr. so many things, things my daughter didn't know, and i didn't know anything really except that she had breast cancer, so, on her next visit cj, and i and my daughter walked in the room, and when doctor kapur walked in my daughter said dr. kapur, my mom wants to ask you some questions, he crabbed the curtain and pulled it shut, seperating me and cj from my daughter and her dr. when he was done examing her, he started to walk out, i said dr. kapur, can i please have a minute of your time, one of the questions i asked was one my daughter and i both wondered about was how could they tell if the chemo is working since they took out the lump already and normally they would see it shrinkiing,he said to me very rudely, 'that is a very inappropiate question, i felt imbarrassed, but asked well i know my daughter was worried about her other breast too because they didnt do a xray or catscan on that one, he said " you need to get your facts straight" now, normally i would of said somthing, anything, but i started crying and walked out of the room. I was so worried about my daughter that i was not my self and felt like an alien on a different planet, not wanting to upset her, or her doctors, or anything in getting in the way of her treatments and getting better. My daughter did a lot of crying, she was angry, mad, crabby, all the normal things a person goes thru, she was morning the lose of her breast, her hair, the chemo made her so sick, and her lympdemia was painful, her arm would sweel up to 3 times its normal size. she didnt know if she was going to live or die,she had 2 beautiful daughters and a husband whom she worried about. We could never get dr.kapur to pin point a treatment plan for her, so one day when i was sitting next to my daughter while she was doing her chemo, i saw him walking by, i went over to him and said dr. kapur can you please give me a treatment plan for my daughter, she needs to know to, he said well, linda is linda, you know how she is, she is hard to deal with, i wanted to slap him right then and there, but again, i refrained, he quickly wrote on a piece of paper saying he would do follow up's every 3 months with a catscan, and some other scribbly stuff i couldnt read, it took him about 1 min. to do and handed it to me with out a word or smile. He was always making comments about her attitude, even some of the other nurses would say things that he had said about her. My daughter has never been or isnt now a drug addict, but she was taking pain pills for her lympdema, because her pain was so bad, he refused to give her anymore, saying she was a drug addict, now i didn't want her getting hooked on them as i know can happen, but she was in severe pain, and he just cut her off like he didnt even care. I was with my daughter for almost 6 months during all of this, and thank-fully she is a survivor, and i went back home, and when it came time for her to have her 3 month check-up she couldn't get an appointment and asked for dr. kapur to call her, finally he did, my daughter told him he said he was going to do follow ups every 3 months, and he said he didnt say that. (i still have the paper that he wrote that says every 3 months) he told her to find another dr. my daughter said, dr. kapur, who am i gonnaget? he answered, i dont really care and hung up on her. I want to say, that, every one at the oncology group there at Bacus hospital in norwich, ct was kind, caring, compassionate, and loving towards her, except for that one nurse and dr. kapur, who should of been there for her, in the importance of her recovery. I still want to cry when i think of how she was treated and how i let him treat her that way, iam a nice person, but i normally would never let someone treat my daughter that way, watching my daughter go thru that was the most terrible thing ever,and she is a very sweet natured loving daughter, mother and wife, but i guess she didnt act the way the dr. thought she should have, so he treated her so badly, i wished dr.'s had to go thru some kind of course on compassion, because, itr made it so much harder for my daughter than it already was. My daughter is finally getting her hair back, and she had reconstruction on her breast, shes had some problems with that, but healing, her arm still sweels up, and hurts, but she is on the road to healing emotionally, and getting back to her old self. I would like every one who reads this to know, that you dont have to put up with that kind of treatment, and get a second opinion if you dont get the answers to your questions, because how they treat you does depend on your recovery, listen to your instincts and do what you think is right.
love and hugs to all

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