i really kind of hate my life. no dont worry, i do not plan on harming myself, or anyone else.
i am constantly depressed, i sleep 15+ hours a day, and have the most f**ked up eating habits.
i am on seroquel for bipolar, but i absolutly hate that medication so im telling my doctor to take me off it.
ive been on antidepressants in the past (both SSRI's and DRI's) they help a little, but he had to take me off them cause they make me hyperactive, more so.
i have to worst ADHD in the world, but i cannot be put on any stimulants because i have history of abusing substances, which i knowingly admit that ive done, and i tell my doctor not to put me on them cause i honestly fear that i will try to abuse them.
ive been in several rehabs, both for substance abuse and mental issues. ive cried strait through weeks of both inpatient and outpatient services.
no medication seams to fix me. no therepy (2x a week) seams to help.
now this may sound odd, but i love my life. so so so much. best friends, captain of hockey team, award winning photographer, all honors in school achieving pretty good grades, a beautiful girlfriend, a fantstic job that pays well, and absolutely no enemies. BUT my home life is what seams to kill me. for whatever reason, when there, i suffer from extreme depression. EXTREME. it sucks. i hate my family so much, all they do is give me **** about everything im doing and how im doing it wrong. when they do this i explode and start yelling and screaming and throwing things ect, which is why i was put on seroquel. One of my problems is that i can never admit i was wrong, idk why, but that also leads to several explosions.
i would willingly admit myself in a boarding school, however i dont want to give up all the things i love in my life, i just want to end the things i hate.
i just dont know where to turn. doctors cant help, therepists cant help, the only thing that does is displacing myself from this ****ty situation and staying away from my home as much as possible, which i do.