Ok so about ten years ago when I was 19 I used to use drugs. I have Quit doing drugs since this one night. It all started when i used marijuana and I would go in to these weird attacks I dont think they were panick attacks Cause I didnt feel like they were felt more like spme kind of brain attack to me.But anyway they made me feel like nothing I have ever felt before and they are really scary. But I haved also used meth and didnt have any of these weird effects. But one night when I was using cocaine I went into one of these attacks andit was horrible I didnt even say anyhting to my friends I just had to leave.But i was sitting on my buddies couch and all the sudden it was like something snapped in my head and I got this huge rush but it was nothing like I have experienced before and my head felt really messed up. It was really like a mojor out of body experience and it was the scariest things I have ever experienced before in my life..So i ended up leaving and I dont know how I got home cause I thought I was gonna start screaming cause of the way I felt it was so horrible I dont even know how I got to sleep that night.But thenext day I got up I was still going throught the exact same thing I just felt like I was constantly on the verge of dying and it was scaring the ***l out of me..I couldnt even barely leave my bed after all this happen..So I went to to the drs and they said I was having anxiety issues wich I want buying even thought I had alot of the symptoms but the way my head felt I just couldnt see anxiety causing all this. All the ssri pills i tried eventually sent me to the er with weird side effects i had from them..I even seem to have these weird attacks from taking benzos I mean if I was having anxiety these are the pills that sould really help right?? But as soon as I start feeling the affects from the pill it does something to my head i feel this weird feeling through my whole body than afterwards my body and mind feels really balnk and it will start thsi whole process all over again. I even seemed to react weird to fish oil and hydroxyzine.. I dont know if some of this is psycological but it doesnt seem to be?So after months of laying around I got so sick of it i decided t try alcohol and it seemed to help out tremendously(i find this really weird seeing how I was reacting to some of the pills).SO i started drinking pretty heavily cause that is the only way I caould get releif from whatever was going on.I was able to start working again and met my future wife and had a kid cause it seemed to be getting better year after year..Now to the present. One night after drinking pretty heavy I was feeling really weird,so I tried to go to a movie and of course I was eating greasy popcorn and drinking soda and I started feeling really weird.So I started walking the halls and next thing you know I went into a panick had to have somebody pick me up cause I could barely walk thought I was gonna die for sure.Got home and couldnt stop puking I was a freaking mess.I kind of seemed to get over that one the next day.A couple weeks later 2 days after drinking pretty heavily I went into another attack but this one was different. It felt like my soul was sucked out of my body and was staring at me.I donr know how anybody can feel like that it is so sick and weird. Again had to go home and started puking again. ITs been nine months since this attack and havent been able to work like something went completely wrong. Now I al feeling like the alcohol has something to do with it this time like I did something horrible to my head that night I was doing coke and now the alcohol is making it worse for some reason. But shouldnt have the alcochol made it worse throughout the years instead of me feeling better?I want to add that throughout those ten years I still felt like something was wrong or something just wasnt right.I mean nothing has been the same that night the way I feel all the time,the way I feel when I wake up watching tv I mean everything. If I dont get enought spleep I am way worse the next day.But anyway all these old feelings came back and it is scaring the crap out of me..Here are alot of my symptoms back then and now since this came back.
-my brain feels like it is damaged somehow,sometimes get this wwave sensation in my head like pressure traveling from one ear to the other,cant be around strong chemicals like my brain is trying to protect me somehow from feeling high and going into on of those brain attacks i like to call them,brain will feel weak sometimes its hard to explain,Sometimes when on the computer or something I get the sensation my brain is trying to pull my head forward and throw it to the ground
-feel really detached from everything like my head isnt on my shoulders or my hands arent real and is feels like it has something to do with this feeling in my head. I look in the mirror and feel as of im not there or im looking at some kind of ghost.Sometimes when I am wearing my glasses it trips me out cause it seems to make that feeling worse so I dont wear them most of the time. If I really try to concentrate on doing something like playing a video game or something I feel really weird and awkward afterwards it is really scary. I am even feeling kind of weird typing this.
-waking up in the middle of the night with every single muscle in my legs twitching to where I can barely walk,lots of muscle twitching through out the day in arms and legs,weird feelings in the back chest and throat.
-feeling like I am dying everyday,feelings of unreality like I am gonna freak out and go insane at any moment.
-extreme fatigue somedays, waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I am gonna forget everything so I will do math problems in my head so I know that im not gonna.
-CAn never be alone cause of the way my body and head feal all the time
-ears feel like they constantly need to pop,eyes and head will feel strianed sometimes,back hurts alot
-Go into these attacks where I just feel like im gonna die and they pretty much drop me all I can do is lay down and overcome them..Really sick alone feelings wehre again i just feel like I am gonna die.
-sensitive to light.
-some mornings feeling extremely confused like I dont know what is going on,feeling really shaky like the worse my head is doing I cant even hold my phone and look at it without shaking unless I can hold it ih a different posotion or hold it with 2 hands.
-Seem to have weird reactions to benzos and anything that messes with my head. havent taken any narcoticts because of this afraid of what they might do. Afraid I wont be able to handle anastesia is anything ever happens to me because of this!!!Like my brain wont be ableto handle it
-heart will beat weird sometimes specially if i lat down in a certain position or something like that,sometimes seams to beat fast like around 90 to 110 bpm sometimes it is at 72 bpm
-can feel my head pulse really bad and wont quit
- sometimes it feels like my heart rate and bloodpressure will rise when I stand up
-tests i have had done.blood work,eeg,ekg.mri all came back normal.
-feel like I have blood rushing to my head alot of the time wich I dont think I do cause my blood pressure seems to be fine at the time.
-feel like my shoulders and arms are trembling all the time on the inside
-lots of jaw clenching and I will clench stuff all the time. the worse my head is doing the more i clench stuff.
I am a pretty heavey smoker wanted to throw that in there. This condition has really took my life away fom as I dont do anything anymore cause the way I feel is to uncomfortable.I really want some advice from people on here instead of just drs. Or someone who has been through something similar..PLEASE HELP I AM DESPERATE!!!
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