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17, and i want a baby.

Posted In: Sexual conditions 80 Replies
  • Posted By: little_oulton_gal
  • January 2, 2007
  • 10:55 PM

Hi im 17 years old me an my fiance have been together for 2years, weve been through thick and thin. last year i had a misscarriage on an unplanned pregnancy, we were both devastated! now we both want to try for a baby. we have a flat, he has a job i have a part time job and am finishing a college corse this year. is it so wrong to feel this way i get upset wen i see parents and children, my course is childcare i hate working with babies when i want my own. am i too young? all it needs is love and money and security that we can offer HELP!!!

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  • Hi im 17 years old me an my fiance have been together for 2years, weve been through thick and thin. last year i had a misscarriage on an unplanned pregnancy, we were both devastated! now we both want to try for a baby. we have a flat, he has a job i have a part time job and am finishing a college corse this year. is it so wrong to feel this way i get upset wen i see parents and children, my course is childcare i hate working with babies when i want my own. am i too young? all it needs is love and money and security that we can offer HELP!!! I think that is all understandable seeing you've lost a child and you are in a steady relationship with one you love. Having a child while young has both its pros and cons like most things, I know this myself as I was a teen when I had both my children. One benefit I found from having my children while young is that I was more patient then than I are now, but you do have plenty of time to have one. A negative aspect of having a child while very young is that others tend to watch you more..and tend to try to interfere more with what you are doing and how you are wanting to raise the child. Also realise thou that having another child may not necessarily replace all the loss you feel from the other. Ask yourself if you are wanting to do this to replace the one you lost? It may be better for you to have a little more time before trying for another. I'd suggest thou to finish your course first .. as problems can come along with pregnancy which if you were unlucky could stop you from being able to complete your course. It's always best to set yourself up well before having a child.. its much easy to get those studies done while young. I personally think you would be better off finishing your studies first. You also have to be prepared to raise that child no matter what goes on in your life throu life changes and the thick and the thin, with someone or without someone.
    taniaaust1 2,267 Replies
    • January 3, 2007
    • 07:51 AM
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  • Hi im 17 years old me an my fiance have been together for 2years, weve been through thick and thin. last year i had a misscarriage on an unplanned pregnancy, we were both devastated! now we both want to try for a baby. we have a flat, he has a job i have a part time job and am finishing a college corse this year. is it so wrong to feel this way i get upset wen i see parents and children, my course is childcare i hate working with babies when i want my own. am i too young? all it needs is love and money and security that we can offer HELP!!! I feel your pain. I'm not one to judge at all. I was 15 when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I am now 19 and am married and I'm expecting again!! My husband and I are very excited about our new arrival. But I do want to give you a word of caution. When I got pregnant with my daughter I was very young. Try not to rob yourself of too much of your teenage years. Believe me it's very hard to go to college and keep a relationship together when you have a little one around. I got my GED, had my daughter, and started my first semester of college all in the same year at the very young age of 16. My daughter's dad and I stayed together for 3 years and the relationship ended because it was just too ******n us to have a baby at such a young age. But I met my now husband in nursing school and I have graduated from college with a degree. I was the youngest person in my nursing class by far. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means telling you that you shouldn't go for it if you and your soon to be hubby know that you are ready. But if I had to give you any advice at all it would be to know what you want if every aspect of your life before you get pregnant. Know how far you want to go in college and have goals set for when you will get a degree by. That way your and you fiance are on the same page as to where you are and where you want to be. I know that if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. I love my daughter. And if I hadn't had to quite school and go to college at such a young age I never would have met my husband who I love very much. I wish you all the best!!!!! Good luck!!:) :D
    NurseCJT 25 Replies
    • January 3, 2007
    • 08:15 AM
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  • Keep in mind that having a baby/family is not all its cracked up to be. Seriously!!! A baby adds SOOO much stress to a relationship. There so much more to a child than just having it around and all the fun stuff that you see other parents doing. Think about all of the responsibility that baby/child (you've got AT LEAST 17-18 years of supporting this child-no matter what you may think... you'll ultimatley be responsible for this child's care for AT LEAST this long...). That's why so many relationships just don't last this huge stress, some people don't look at the big picture before they start having babies.Please, I know you may think you and your BF have been through a lot together, but, you're both still VERY young and have alot to experience before you should even start to consider getting into such a huge situation. Just talk to some divorced couples/people and they can tell you just what a huge responsibility and stress a child can bring to a relationship.And, then think, can you raise this child ALONE, without child support, because so many parents do have to raise a child with out monetary support... be aware of what COULD happen. Don't go into this decision wearing your 'rose colored glasses'.Please...
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • January 11, 2007
    • 01:20 AM
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  • I completely understand how you feel. I am also 17 and want a baby. I have not had the pain of a miscarrage and i offer my heart felt sorrow for your loss. My boyfriend and i want to wait until i am 18 until we actually start trying but I am scared of how i would tell my parents that i was trying for a baby. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we want a life together but am a worried that he will up and leave me when the baby is born. His parents aren't the problem as he is 3 years older than me and they are very understanding. I have friends that have babies and that all they wanted was a baby but i actually want the joy of watching my baby change and grow into a child then teenager then an adult. If anyone has advice for me too it would good because i am in a similar situation.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 6, 2007
    • 04:54 PM
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  • . all it needs is love and money and security that we can offer HELP!!!It does sound simple doesn't it? Not trying to sound negative but in one instant, love money and security, could be gone. I understand you have been together for 2 years. Love at your age sounds and feels like it will be for an eternity! I had that once too, it all fell apart. I am by no means sayin that willl happen to you. Actually, I'd do anything for young love again....You have some of the best years of your life ahead of you. I got married in my mid 20's (not to my 1st love) Had a baby, which is the love of my life! Went through years of hard times. Multiple deaths in family, depression, bankruptcy, miscarriage. Still we stayed by each other. Now in my mid 30's, I am disabled due to serious health issues. I sometimes cannot determine where time has gone. I went right from my parents to my husband and into this grown up life. Do not get me wrong, I love my daughter and hubby with my whole heart. But I never got to taste life. And now, unfortunatly, I physically cannot. I do not want to try and discourage you in any way. I guess I just want to let you know, when things seem perfect, they are not always that way. Maybe I am just wishing I would of waited a little longer and lived life a little more freely when I had the chance. Honey, only you know what is good for you. Follow your heart. I know how devastating a miscarriage can be. And I also know how rewarding a baby can be. My prayers are with you and I wish you the best no matter what decision you make. Take care....hugs to you:)
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 6, 2007
    • 07:06 PM
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  • Yes, you are too young! For crying out loud, you're only 17!!! Think about it. How much money do you and your boyfriend make a year? If it's under $40,000 a year don't even think of it. Do you have any idea how much health insurance costs for a family? Darling, go to college, get a degree, and hold off on having a baby... at least get married first. If he won't even make a commitment to marry you how can he make a commitment to raise a baby with you?!??!?
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 06:25 AM
    • 0
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  • Yeah, you are way too young. You have time, and you need it to establish your career, for your man to establish one, too. I think you will be very disallusioned if you get pregnant now. You change a lot in maturity level after you turn 20, and then more so after that. Men and women mature differently, and the relationship can change even after a couple of years. If you have a baby and then grow apart, you will be an 18 to 20-something single mom just trying to make ends meet. It gets in the way of a loving relationship between mother and child. I became a single mom at 26 with a good career and still had a hard time, so please, please, please, take your time and listen to everyone's advice.
    pumibel 42 Replies
    • February 11, 2007
    • 09:42 PM
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  • I completely understand how you feel. I am also 17 and want a baby. I have not had the pain of a miscarrage and i offer my heart felt sorrow for your loss. My boyfriend and i want to wait until i am 18 until we actually start trying but I am scared of how i would tell my parents that i was trying for a baby. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we want a life together but am a worried that he will up and leave me when the baby is born. His parents aren't the problem as he is 3 years older than me and they are very understanding. I have friends that have babies and that all they wanted was a baby but i actually want the joy of watching my baby change and grow into a child then teenager then an adult. If anyone has advice for me too it would good because i am in a similar situation. You don't trust him to stay with you so don't have the baby. You girls should spend a day or two in a house with a single mom (who doesn't live with her parents). You need to see the reality and not the cute fluffy stuff. Also- If you are raising a child in your parents' homes you are also selfishly placing a burden on them, as well.
    pumibel 42 Replies
    • February 11, 2007
    • 09:51 PM
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  • Becoming a parent is a huge ordeal whether you are 17... or 25... or any age. Unreg- If you fear he would leave you, then be smart and wait... before a child comes along, perhaps a ring and a home should come first. Being a single mom isnt very fun... (I'm 18 now... and have only seen my father a handful of times) My mom was in her twenties... she raised my brother and I by herself and it was no easy task by any means. Working 3 jobs back to back to back just to put food on the table... either way, be smart about your decision. Anyways, my fiancee and I are the same way. We really want a baby, but we also knows how much harder it would make things for us. We plan on waiting until we are firmly situated with a roof over our heads and food on the table before we try for children. I am a strong believer that marriage should come before children do... but only you know if your ready for that resposibility. -AcId-
    AcIdBuRn02ZTS 9 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 06:21 AM
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  • Don't do it. Wait awhile until you and your partner are somewhat financially stable (can afford bills as well as unforeseen circumstances, car repairs, etc.) and then have yourself a family. It's natural for people to want children around 15-19. If not for you, for your future child so they will have a comfortable upbringing.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 09:41 AM
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  • hi im only 17 as well I have wanted a baby seence i was 14. But when i saw that my grades where slipping i realized that my school has to come first.You are still a child, your life has just began. Ask your self this.. do u really want a baby at this young age? If you have a baby now then there will be no more parties no more going out with friends no FUN..You hole life as to be commited to this child.. If i where you I would wait a couple more years. even if its one or two..... Go out and have fun before you commite your self to a life long prosses
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
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  • Everyone is different, but I just wanted to say that I am soo happy I waited to have a child at 36, and another at 38. I didn't meet my current husband until I was 34 - thank god I didn't have children with the man I married in my early 20's, as it turned into an abusive and really negative marriage... What I am trying to say I guess is that there is wisdom that comes with waiting. I thought that my time was over, and I'd never get to have children, but then I found my soulmate at 34. Life is funny that way, and full of unexpected surprises.:) Don't try to force your life, take it one step at a time. You are young and have lots of life ahead of you. Live in the moment and don't worry so much about having a baby, there is so much time for that. Take care of yourself first. Best wishesDOM
    acuann 3,080 Replies Flag this Response
  • Yes, you are too young! For crying out loud, you're only 17!!! Think about it. How much money do you and your boyfriend make a year? If it's under $40,000 a year don't even think of it. Do you have any idea how much health insurance costs for a family? Darling, go to college, get a degree, and hold off on having a baby... at least get married first. If he won't even make a commitment to marry you how can he make a commitment to raise a baby with you?!??!?JUST BECOZ THIS GIRLS BOYFRIEND DOESN'T EARN $40,000 A YEAR DOESN'T MEAN THEY CANT HAVE A KID, MY MUM HAS 4 KIDS AND LIVES ON BENEFITS , SHES NOT PROUD OF IT BUT SHE STILL GIVES US EVERYTHING WE NEED. AND NO ONE THESE DAYS HAS INSURANCE ON A FAMILY. AND IF U THINK GETTING MARRIED MEANS YOUR READY TO HAVE A KID , THEN YOUR WRONG, A PIECE OF PAPER DOESN'T PROOVE HOW FAR IN LIFE UR READY 2 TAKE THINGS, IT JUST MEAN U WANNA GET MARRIED. AND MAYBE HAVE KIDS. A MAN IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF RAISING A CHILD MARRIED OR NOT. I THINK IF U FEEL READY ENOUGH IN UR HEART TO HAVE A CHILD AND MAYBE HAVE A GOOD THINK IF U COULD GIVE THIS CHILD THE SUPPORT THE BABY NEEDS THEN I THINK UR READY. BUT IT DOES CHANGE UR LIFE.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I know it's annoying when people say 'I know how you feel', but i really do understand how you feel. I am 19, stable relationship, living with said partner, and financially secure. As with you me and my partner have been through a lot and having to look after younger siblings at young ages, we have matured a lot quicker than many people our age.Also, i misscarried when i had just turned 18 and it was extrememly hard. it's the shock of finding out that your going to have a baby, the time it takes to get used to that, and then the shock all over again of losing it, turning into the grief for the child you never knew, and then the guilt of what did i do wrong and uncertainty of if i get pregnant again, will i still feel the pain of loss. It's a rollercoaster ride, one which you have to be sure has ended, before you try again.I am in the same situation, so i can't really offer advice as such, all i can offer is sympathy, support. But i will say wait until you have completely got college behid you - including your results. believe me, it is one ***l of a ride trying to cope with pregnancy in your final year. also being the crutial part of your course, you don't want to be missing deadlines and exams due to morning sickness. Set yourself a target as such, enjoy your course, and think that, maybe a week after you get your results, see if you feel the same. if you do, then go for it with smiles on your faces, if you don't, let life roll on. it's hard, but a way through is to think to yourself, "if i pass this course, i can give a child the best life possible".Good luck huni, and take care xXx
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • im kind of in the same boat, im 18 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we've decided to start trying for a baby. i've read every reply on here and almost every one of them say "college college college first" but you can go to college at any time in your life... i dont know about you but im definately more of a "family" kind of person. i would so much rather have a family, than go to community college (at this time), not even knowing what i want to do in life. i figure, i have my whole life to decide what i want to do as a career. all i know is, im unsure about my career, but positive about my wanting a family. neither my borfriend nor i have insurance, but there are so many programs that can help. my girlfriend works at a clinic and told me about an insurance you apply for, for single mothers (not married). your gauranteed insurance. if you love somebody so much, and are so sure that you want to share your love with him in the most rewarding way possible, a little "both of you's" running around, go for it. people are going to be against it, people are going to look down on it, but it's ultimately YOUR decision. the best advice i've ever gotten in my life, im giving to you, "Do whatever makes YOU happy." and also, no one is ever "ready" for a baby ..at any age. all you need is love and commitment. im positive you'll be fine, all my love and support x0x0 MOMMY iN tRYiNG <3
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • MOMMY iN tRYiNG Very good points, you show a lot of wisdom for such a young age:) . It doesn't matter how old you are or how much money or education you have....but what you absolutely need is a caring, nurturing environment and supportive family to help you. Please take the very best prenatal vitamins you can afford, don't smoke or drink alcohol. And please don't think a baby will "save" a relationship - that is a recipe for disaster... Your physical, spiritual, and emotional body need to be prepared for this life changing event...so take good care of yourself. Best wishesDOM
    acuann 3,080 Replies Flag this Response
  • first off i think you are way too young to have a baby. I was 20 when i got pregnant with my daughter and 21 when i had her. Let me tell you its so hard to raise a child. You are always wondering if you are doing everything you possibly can for that child. I still think about what it might have been like to have waited but i dont regret having my daughter at alll. Me and my husband are now trying to have our second child and are very excited but with us we already know what to expect u dont. Please just step back for a second and realize what your doing . If you cant give your child everything it needs and most of wat it wants ( and trust me its harder than u think and more expensive too) then wait until you can. Its like another woman on here said if you dont at least 40000 dollars a year then dont even think about it. Its alot more expensive than you think. I had no idea what i was gettting myself into when i got pregnant. I have not went to a movie or out to eat with my husband alone in over 2 years. So trust me just step back and think and make sure that you and your fiance are on the axact same page with everything that has to deal with a child because if you r not that just spells disaster. I wish you luck in whatever desicion you make .
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Acuann i think you need to grow up alot before u give someone else advice on having a child. You said you dont need money to raise a child. If you really think that then you are really niave and sorry to say it but dumb as ***l. how old r u anyways 14. No matter how old u are u dont need to give people advice on something u have never expierenced. It costs so much to care for a baby. And it aint just giving that child what it has to have but more of it wants. Dont u want to be able to take ur kid somewhere fun every once in awhile. If dont make enough money that is completely out of the question.. you dont just have to buy the baby clothes. but u also have to buy diapers, wipes, baby food, baby bottle, formula ( which trust me my daughters formula was 23 dollars a can and they usually take a least on ecan a day) trust me it adds up very quickly. You also have to your child toys and put them thru school . for anyone who thinks its easy then you really need to get educated before u give someone advice on anything.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Acuann i think you need to grow up alot before u give someone else advice on having a child. You said you dont need money to raise a child. If you really think that then you are really niave and sorry to say it but dumb as ***l. how old r u anyways 14. No matter how old u are u dont need to give people advice on something u have never expierenced. It costs so much to care for a baby. And it aint just giving that child what it has to have but more of it wants. Dont u want to be able to take ur kid somewhere fun every once in awhile. If dont make enough money that is completely out of the question.. you dont just have to buy the baby clothes. but u also have to buy diapers, wipes, baby food, baby bottle, formula ( which trust me my daughters formula was 23 dollars a can and they usually take a least on ecan a day) trust me it adds up very quickly. You also have to your child toys and put them thru school . for anyone who thinks its easy then you really need to get educated before u give someone advice on anything. Dear Unregistered;53552:I don't think you read my post correctly. I never said you didn't need money, but only that it is not the most important thing. I never said it was easy, either. Please don't insult me. DOM
    acuann 3,080 Replies Flag this Response
  • Good god, wait!! You're still only a child yourself! There are too many teen mothers out there already, whose only goal in life is to procreate and as soon as possible. You have at least a 20-30 year window to have babies, don't rush into it and lose out on the best years of your young adult life.I am 23, married and pregnant with my first child, and even I think me and my hubby are a bit young to be parents. We wanted to work a few more years and build up a bit more in savings first, but these things often happen when you least expect them. We are both over the moon but already worried about money - and we both work full time in quite good jobs!Get a job or go to college. Save some money. Get a nice house with your partner that has space for a little one and wait, at least until you're in your 20s and have a good few years of fun - movies, meals, nights out, friends, parties. Because once a baby comes, you won't have that luxury for a long time.Babies are wonderful and I doubt anyone regrets having one as they are such a joy, but don't rush into it. It should be something that happens when you know you are in a stable relationship, with stable income and a good home for it to grow up in. Children are a huge responsiblilty.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • August 23, 2007
    • 00:49 PM
    • 0
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