im 15 & think i may be suffering from depression. i haven't been to see a doctor or even spoke about this with anyone! it may not even be depression or anything really but thought id post to see.
so heres whats wrong:
I find myself obsessing over everything, i go over conversations ive had with people in my mind and think to my self what if i had said this or i shouldnt of said that, even if it was just a general conversation and what i said didnt make a difference i still obsess over it.
i constantly feel down when im stuck in the house and not outside, in like school holidays and everyone else is out. i get jealous of people who can go out and feel better when i know what there up to or if i know there not going out either. i constantly say to myslef oh i wish i had there life or wish i was them. realy stupid i know, but i cant help it.
i also get jealous of people very easily, i dont like being left out, and i constantly feel left out even if im not. like if my friends are talking to each other i feel i need to know what there talking about or i have to be there. i wish i didnt but i do.
another thing is that i obsess over people. i know that sounds stalkerish, but i hate it. when talking to this person i try to think what im going to say to her so it sounds perfect and i know i wont hate myself later on for saying it. when i see this person i constantly feel i need to talk to them, for example when they sign in on msn i feel i need to speak to them, or if they talk to me first i feel better. i analyise everything they say to me. i get jealous when someone else is having a conversation with them. my stomache is in nots when i am talking to them and i constantly want to be with them. and NO i am not in love, i know that!!!
this is going on forever but i feel i need to get it all off my chest, even if it is only on here, it makes me feel better. im not scraed of dying, i want to die at a young age, i dont want to get old and see everyone else die aroud me, i always tell my self as soon as i lose someone close i wont be far behind them. i constantly feel like dying, but i know i would never actually do it. please dont be concerned about this comment i just really needed to get it off my chest.
so do you all think there is anything wrong with me? any advice?
i hate feeling like this, i hate obsessing over this person, it drives me crazy but i really cant help it!!
sorry this is so long but i would really appreciate any comments or help!!!