Discussions By Condition: Sexual conditions

No Sexual Desire

Posted In: Sexual conditions 33 Replies
  • Posted By: hunting_tiger
  • November 5, 2006
  • 03:22 AM

I need some help. I have no health insurance, but am having some sexual oriented problems. This has happened at least 3 times so far. Each time I find myself in a serious and long term relationship, my sex drive is normal for about 3-4 months, then it disappears. I stop desiring sexual and intimate contact with my boyfriend. I don't mind taking care of his needs, as long as it doesn't involve him touching me. I have loved all three of them very much, but I derive no pleasure from sex, it almosts grosses me out.
I need some help with this. If anyone has ever had this experience and got through it, I would love some ideas. I miss the idea of making love to my boyfriend, even if I don't miss the physical act, and it's driving a wedge between us.

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33 Replies:

  • You probably have a hormonal problem/issue.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 7, 2006
    • 08:53 AM
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  • I am just researching something similar I've been experienceing for the past 2 years and I think I'm starting to figure things out. Have you had any sexual abuse in your past? What I am realizing for myself is that the sexual abuse I expeienced when I was young is now affecting my sex drive and sex life. Like you, it now repulses me. I have realized that there becomes a point in the relationship where sex is simply expected and the newness is gone. I think the issue for many women are that the feelings attached with the OBLIGATION of sex in a realationship can almost psych the woman out. It's almost as if since it's now just expected it takes on a different meaning that can be very traumatizing if the person has experienced sexual abuse in their past because often times sexual abuse is tied to feelings of forced consent. If this does not apply to you, then I'm sorry and I wish you the very best. If it does, then like me, perhaps a sexual psychologist would be beneficial in changing how sex is perceived. Good luck, friend~
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 7, 2006
    • 03:20 PM
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  • There is no sexual abuse in my past that would explain the problems I am having now, and my boyfriend does not push me either, he knows if he pushes it will make things worse. The first serious relationship I was in, however, I did feel obligated to have sex with my then-boyfriend. It wasn't forced, but it was expected.
    hunting_tiger 1 Replies
    • November 8, 2006
    • 00:48 AM
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  • Well in the first place you should not be having sex outside of marriage! It is never a good idea because you could get diseases such as HIV.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 8, 2006
    • 03:26 AM
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  • Greetings: You've got your whole life ahead of you. Consequently, find a doctor you're comfortable with and start seriously looking for relief. Sex is a wonderful thing, I mean He created it didn't he?!! So, it's not something ugly or awful or any of that but if you have other problems with this the best advice anyone here could tell you would be .... go get professional help.In the event you're up-tight about getting professional help, you shouldn't be. These people are 'into' the finding of resolutions, they're not going to slow down their life and focus on you, understand. You're cheating yourself and your future partner by putting this off. Surely, you can find a doctor who you're comfortable with that you can get all this info out on the table for them to do their thing. Which reminds me, make sure you tell them everything - just don't leave out something important.Good luck and go get it done. Start now and you'll be way ahead of the game by spring:)
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 27, 2006
    • 04:35 AM
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  • Well in the first place you should not be having sex outside of marriage! It is never a good idea because you could get diseases such as HIV.Right, because as soon as you get married, it's impossible to get those diseases. Please. Practically NO ONE abstains - So do everyone a favor and teach them about safe sex practices JUST IN CASE they DON'T abstain (because they probably won't). Cultural schizophrenia.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • January 22, 2007
    • 08:06 AM
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  • Well in the first place you should not be having sex outside of marriage! It is never a good idea because you could get diseases such as HIV.you have no right to judge her. If you have no advice for her that has to do with her problem, shut the ***l up!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 4, 2007
    • 09:37 PM
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  • Take a look at your calendar.. its 2007. People are having sex and are starting younger then anyone cares to admit. I suggest talking to someone about this issue and really understanding all you can about why you feel this way. Personally I have issues due to sexual abuse in my past and am just now getting better with what is inside me and who I am. Sex is something we are naturally driven to do and everyone wants it no matter what they say.
    EmmerLoo 4 Replies
    • February 11, 2007
    • 06:31 AM
    • 0
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  • Well in the first place you should not be having sex outside of marriage! It is never a good idea because you could get diseases such as HIV.Ichabad- This does not help HT with her problem. This forum is not about your opinions on morality. It is about people's medical problems. You are trumping the thread and diverting attention from her problem, which is inconsiderate. Hunting Tiger-I agree that the expectation of sex could be the root of your issue. If you are still with your current man you can talk about it and maybe he will try to woo you again and start over. If you persue another relationship, try to start out right and only have sex when you really desire it rather than want to please your man (that is OK to an extent, but not the only reason to have sex.
    pumibel 42 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 01:56 AM
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  • By any chance, are you on any medications? I have been with my hubby (who I adore) for 15 years, married 12. I have never been so attracted to someone like him in my life. We always USED to have a wonderful and active sex life. Somehow lately, I just don't feel like it. I am still attracted to him and love him more than anything. I just don't feel like being "bothered" with it. I think back and am 99% sure that this is due to the medications I am on. One of them is an anti depressant. He doesn't complain about it but I am sure it is on his mind.Just a though. good luck
    miserableMOE 52 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 02:12 PM
    • 0
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  • Didn't you all know that it was proven that HIV is destroyed in holy matrimony? ;) HT - It could be what the people have been mentioning but at the same time it could also be loss of excitement. Not that I'm implying anything here but with relationships after you've had your initial fun in the bedroom and you start settling down a lot of women lose their sex drive in the bedroom as half of it is the excitement of having a new lover, experiencing new things with them etc... Maybe you should try talking to him openly about it and maybe seeing if there's anything new you are wanting to try and try it out, seeing how it makes you feel! Best wishes :)
    Tarwenamin 6 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 11:46 PM
    • 0
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  • By any chance, are you on any medications? I have been with my hubby (who I adore) for 15 years, married 12. I have never been so attracted to someone like him in my life. We always USED to have a wonderful and active sex life. Somehow lately, I just don't feel like it. I am still attracted to him and love him more than anything. I just don't feel like being "bothered" with it. I think back and am 99% sure that this is due to the medications I am on. One of them is an anti depressant. He doesn't complain about it but I am sure it is on his mind.Just a though. good luck True- anti-depressants are notorious for stunting libido. They have some out there that claim to have a lower chance of that side effect. Wellbutrin is one, and I think Cymbalta (sp?) is another. You can always switch your meds if this troubles you.
    pumibel 42 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 11:48 PM
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  • Hi HT, there is nothing I can say to help you, nobody has ever been able to help me either, I hope you find an answer, but after searching for a long time & talking to many profesional & some not so profesional people I've pretty much given up on ever finding an answer to the same problem. I like you did have some sexual desire in the begining with my husband, but I can't help thinking this was because I was 18 and falling in love with a special person & I wanted him to think I was "NORMAL" so I acted as if I liked it. After a year I relized I didn't want to act any more, So I told him the truth, I don't think I was sexualy abused as a child but I'm not really sure, I have no memery of it if I was. I witnessed extreme violence befor the age of 5, & have not seen my father sence, Once most profesionals hear that they say "well there's your problem" you hate your father so you don't want sex, they also say that my husband must be having sex with some els & he will leave me 1 day, so they take my $150 & say theres no cure. I've been told I don't REALLY LOVE my husband, or I am really "GAY" I am embarrassed to admit it but I once paid a crack pot for 2 rocks to place in each side of my bra to bring on sexual drive. I have had a lot of blood test's, I have tried testoserone to, another crack pot told me I was a child *********e in aficra in my past life & due to this I really hate men. You can understand why I'm losing faith that I will ever fix this! I'm not telling you all this because I want to tell MY story (I've told it enough) I'm not telling you not to seek all the help you possably can, Im telling you this because I've been with my husband for 13 years & married for 10 years. He has sex (if you call it sex) about 5-6 times a year. I love my husband more every day! BUT if I could turn back time & no what I no now I would have said "NO" on my wedding day. I'ts the hardest thing to say, but Inficting my problems on his life hurts me like you wouldn't beleve, I would take it all back so he could have a "NORMAL" life. We both want a baby but its impossable. I'm telling you all this because I'm 32 years old now and I've never met, talked to or read about anybody els like me, the people i've talked to have always told me they have never met anyone els like me either, making me feel like the only one in the world that has this problem. I no I havent helped you know why you don't want sex. But just know your not the only one, & you have helped me by knowing I'm not the only one either.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Well in the first place you should not be having sex outside of marriage! It is never a good idea because you could get diseases such as HIV.How true... Just like you should speak, talk to or even be in the same room with to people you are not married to lest you catch any number of deadly, horrific air-born diseases.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • :) How sad,that we ,in this day and age ,judge people on their morals.Isuggest people who judge other,s probably have the biggest problem,s of all ,including sexual.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 21, 2007
    • 06:06 PM
    • 0
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  • hi i have the same problemafter a while i see sex as a problem as if im beeing forceddont know how to fix itbecause i realy love the person im with
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 27, 2007
    • 08:39 PM
    • 0
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  • Me, too. I'm not sure what my issue is. I feel attracted to men, and at times I feel interested, but sex is just not that important to me. It seems like just another added responsibility to my already hectic life. My hubby is a great guy, but I feel like he is so demanding sometimes. Between work, housework, parenting, school and trying to stay active; I just don't care about sex. I feel bad, but I'm not really all that attractd to him, but I'm not sure I'm that sexually driven anyway. Very confused, I sympathize and wish you the best.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 29, 2007
    • 09:02 PM
    • 0
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  • I have been thru the same thing.Alot of times it could stress or depression that can cause it.Or it could be hormonal problems.Best thing is to go talk to your doctor about whats going on and maybe he/she can help you figure out the cause.
    cooksey125 2 Replies
    • January 3, 2008
    • 04:15 PM
    • 0
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  • Ask yourself this question:What was the initial dominating feeling when you started your relationship?1) A strong physical attraction.2) A feeling of security given by your partner, of being respectedwith all your goods and bads, etc.While this may vary a lot individually, in my opinion 1) cannot beneglected too much, otherwise you may experience long-termproblems with sex. This is only my opinion.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • January 7, 2008
    • 09:54 AM
    • 0
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  • in my opinion 1) cannot beneglected too much, otherwise you may experience long-termproblems with sex. This is only my opinion.This is SO true.... I have, and am, living it. *sigh*
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • January 16, 2008
    • 05:23 AM
    • 0
    Flag this Response
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