I'm not sure where to put this really, but Psychiatric seems good enough for now.
First, I'm 20 years old, female. Depression and diabetes run in my family. I had depression a few times before, but I'm not sure it felt like this. It also was usually caused by some event. I also took birth control earlier this year, but stopped because it severely screwed up my moods (i.e., I was *****d off at every little thing all the time - just not myself AT ALL). No drugs, no smoking, some drinking (but lately, alcohol has made me very sick).
For months (maybe over a year), I have not been feeling like myself.
My mind is cloudy or fuzzy, like there's some mass in my brain blocking half of it from working. I barely ever have anything to say to anyone and feel like I'm in a state of perpetual observation. I used to be witty, funny, and wildly creative, and now I just have faint traces of those traits. I'm often tired and my attention span is low; focusing on reading is usually rather hard. My memory is absolutely awful, both short term and long term, and I feel like I'm retaining nothing, just living in the present moment.
I'm SICK of feeling this way. I have good reasons to be depressed this year (two family deaths, one friend diagnosed with disease, another with MRSA, lost a ridiculous amount of money, lived in Europe for four months and returned to the US, and so on), but I'm just not sure that it's that. I don't hate myself, I'm happy with school, I'm finally satisfied with my majors, I'm more than happy with my family and friends, I'm quite capable of laughing and having a good time, I don't lie, I don't skip classes ... I'm in mourning and 2008 is a horrible year, but ... I just don't know what this is.
Any help anyone can offer would be great, thank you!