I'm eighteen and I'm managing an undiagnosed gynecological problem. While I'm waiting the two months it takes to see a pediatric/adolescent pelvic pain specialist, my ob/gyn gave me 25 mg of imipramine a night for pain management and trouble sleeping.
After I started taking it, however, I noticed I felt tired all day. My sleep patterns were getting even worse, and I felt faint a lot of the time. After 5 days of taking it, I began to feel extremely depressed, and after 7 doses, I stopped the medication after crying for 8 hours straight without reason, while blacking out and getting extremely confused.
It just got worse from there. My lover and I had a small argument the first night I was not taking it, and I got so upset that I threw up and blacked out. After that, I even became very physically violent, which is totally opposite of the way that I always try to solve problems with the people in my life. I use love and kind words to find a solution, not hate.
The next night, after coming home from work, I couldn't control my own actions. It was like being possessed. It started when I threw up for no reason. Then, my heart started racing and I felt really hot. I wondered why I felt so strange, so I changed into some pajamas and laid down. I then called my loved ones and told them bizzare and mean things that I didn't want to say, but could not control. When they were angry, I started crying, suddenly believing that nobody loved me. I began hyperventilating shortly after, and started feeling pain all over my body. My body parts grew very stiff and I couldn't move my hands or jaw fully. I was throwing up and choking on it and drooling, and screaming things at anyone who came near me that I didn't want to say, or answering them in ways that did not make sense in a dull, monotonous tone.
I lost touch completely with reality 4-5 times, came out of it and realized after a few minutes that I was bleeding from seven fairly deep gashes on my forehead, cheeks, and neck from where I'd grabbed my face and dug my fingernails into it, unnoticing the pain. I have dents and bruises on my forehead and cheeks from banging my head into walls and the door. I'm still finding huge gobs of hair that I ripped out, which, again, I don't remember doing, and I look like I got into a really bad fight. Throughout the experience, I had no realization of time, and cried so hard that my eyes and nose bled.
I had similar experiences the next two mornings and nights, while feeling detatched and afraid through most of the afternoon and evening. Between bouts of psychosis, I am socially withdrawn and have trouble paying attention to anything, though it might be due to constantly worrying about whether I'm going to go into one of these spells. I told the doctor who prescribed the drug, and he put me on Xanax for a short period of time. It has been a week since I stopped taking imipramine and I still go through psychosis every night, though when I throw up, my heart races, and I start feeling afraid, I take a Xanax and feel like I did before this started happening.
I have always been a loner and my peers say that I'm "weird" and "difficult to understand" and "not all there," but I have never worried about it. I always assumed that I was just unique, and I was successful and happy throughout my later high school years. 7 months ago while beginning college, I had trouble communicating with people. They did not understand anything that I tried to talk about and I have strange body language, and I have not made any friends. I have trouble connecting with other people. However, this is the first psychotic episode that I've ever had. I do not drink or use drugs, but I have had hallucinations through the day: smells that aren't there, tastes that I don't have, feeling hands touching my body when there's no one there...
I am scared. When I put on my uniform to go to work, I feel a lump in my throat everytime I get in my car. I'm no longer a safe driver. I no longer make my customers smile when I serve them, though I try just as hard. I think about my lover and cry sometimes because my isolation will drive him away if it continues, and the same is true for my family and friends. Everyone I love is worried about me and everyone who lives in the building where I last had an episode is afraid of me. Whenever I think about my future, my dreams fall to pieces when I think about this being permanent.
What is wrong with me? Since this only started happening after coming off imipramine, is it a medication reaction? How long should I wait for it to pass before I seek psychiatric help?
And if it is psychiatric and not because of the pills, what could it possibly be? Will it get worse? Can they fix it?
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