Hi i writing this post cos i dident get any replies on any of my other posts i thinks its because i dident explain my symptoms well enough. So hear they are....
1. sometimes i fell happpy and normal but my mood often changes for periods of time usally around 1 week, when this happens i feel extremly deppressed and suicidal.
2. I lose focus almost every 15 minutes... when this happens i see stuff in my head like little scinaros they feel very real and because i can hear them i often end up speaking into them and acting as one of the characters in the scinaros, to the point where i give the same facial exspressions and movements. this started when i was 6 years old i thought its was my imagination but im know 17 and its started happening alot more. when it happens i can countinue doing stuff for example if im cooking, working, playing computer even when im at the gym i drift off and start seeing scinaros but still continue to do whaat ever was doing to start with. I drouped out of school with terrible grades becuase i could not pay any attention in class.
3. I often hear a voice in my head... the voice sounds like me and i can sometimes shut it off but the problems is i cant control what its says. sometimes i argue with it or sometimes i just talk to it out loud or in my head. the voice often tells me to cut myself when i make mistakes even if there not my fault. i have many self inflicted wounds that nobody knows about and its gettig difficult to hide them all from family and friends.
4.socal issues - i have lost all intererest in social avents , i often dont say anything and when i do i feel like i made a mistake some how, when i hit 15 i lost all interest in everybody elses wellbeing and when people would talk to me i would often tell them to shut up or say i dont care which i dident. i am very sarcastic and pessimistic i am also very cyinacle and have diffiuclty trusting anybody. I still had alot of friends even though i often tell people that i hate them. I find it weird that this has happend i seemed to be so trusting as a kid and friendly, and know my firends explain me to others as a heartless, anti-socail, criminal, conman and over all a complete ****k.
5. fantisy lifes - i create little fantisy lifes in my head which are much similar to the scinaros i see except they last a lot longer. at one point i had a fantisy life that last 4 hours. i also talk into these lifes and i enjoy having them and i like them more then my own life. when i come out of them i feel deppressed and angry and some what suicidal because my life is not like them.
6. Family life - my life at home is wierd i have two very loving parents and one older sister. deppression runs in my family. my sister had it and my parents are now very opessesive over hear wellbeing, to the point where the over look mine. i dont get alot of attention and am often alone even when every one is home. i surpose you could call me a loner because of my lack of contact with anyone other then myself or what ever is in my head. when my parent try to hug me or kiss me i feel anxiety, irrated and uncofortable so often I pull away from them.
7. Criminal issues - when i was 15 i developed a intrest in breaking the law i think this happens to a lot of teens but the problem with me was im actually kind of good at it. In fact its one of the only things im good at. for example it took me two weeks to memorise how to spell the word "because" it took me 20 minutes to master lock picking. I started to steal and i got alot of enjoyment out of it. the problem know is when i feel deprressed i steal and when steal the adrinline acts as a anti depresent and i feel happy agian for a short while so ive become somewhat addicted. also when i dont stal the voice in my head makes me cut myself as punshiment for not stealing anything.
8. OCD - i quiet often become obssesive and have to do things over and over again until there done 100% right. this includes walking around my house cheack to see if there is anyone there, scartching my wrists (usally in socail situations only), making wierd sounds and checking behind me to see if anyones is following me. i have toa do these things 4- 8 times if i do them more hen that i ahve to keep doing them until it pans out to 8 times 4 times over so 32 times.
9.Anger issues - i have difficulty showing anger and quiet often it builds up inside me. when this happens i see myself in my head usally assulting the person who upset me over and over. its usally very violent and sometimes i get emotional over it.
10. fear and panick - every now and again i get extremly paranoid over nothing E.G. i sometimes thinks there are spiders in my bed so a remove all the covers and usally end up looing around the room and in the bed for spiders. another example is when i start think there are people in the streets watching me and whating for me to make mistake so they can laugh at me. i also feel alot of anxiety around othere people and i usally act wierd or different in socail situations which makes people stare at me which in turn makes me feel even more anxiety and disscomfort.
i think that covers everythin. im not queit sure what is i should do is this normal behavour for a teen or is this different. i need and answer quick because i think people are starting to question why i dont speak, are often deppressed and suicidal, am a complete loner and have fresh bandages all over my wrists and arms....
PLEASE HELP ME...:(:(
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