Discussions By Condition: Male sexual conditions

Sex Drive=No Drive, Low Testorone

Posted In: Male sexual conditions 65 Replies
  • Posted By: waterfall
  • October 15, 2006
  • 09:51 PM

:( My husband (age 36), was recently diagnosised with Low Testosterone and Type 2 Diabetes and given the Androderm patch. We have been married for 8 years and his sex drive has never seemed normal and it only got worse. I had begun to suspect that he was a homosexual.

He also has High Blood Pressure. I have brought his low libido up to a few doctors, but it was usally ignored because we have 4 kids. I have tried EVERYTHING over the years to encourage him on the importance of having an active sex life, from bibilical, physical and emotional well being. I have threatened to leave and cheat on him numerous times. He has pretty much ignored me.

So, I am relieved to know the cause. Although, I do believe that if he would have tried to do participate and used his "utensil" a little more frequently that it would not have gotten this bad so fast. He didnt kiss me, hold me, give massages or anything, absolutely nothing. We have had intercourse about 5-6 times this year and it is the middle of October. Does the old adage use it or loose it apply here? Please Help.....

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  • :( My husband (age 36), was recently diagnosised with Low Testosterone and Type 2 Diabetes and given the Androderm patch. We have been married for 8 years and his sex drive has never seemed normal and it only got worse. I had begun to suspect that he was a homosexual. He also has High Blood Pressure. I have brought his low libido up to a few doctors, but it was usally ignored because we have 4 kids. I have tried EVERYTHING over the years to encourage him on the importance of having an active sex life, from bibilical, physical and emotional well being. I have threatened to leave and cheat on him numerous times. He has pretty much ignored me. So, I am relieved to know the cause. Although, I do believe that if he would have tried to do participate and used his "utensil" a little more frequently that it would not have gotten this bad so fast. He didnt kiss me, hold me, give massages or anything, absolutely nothing. We have had intercourse about 5-6 times this year and it is the middle of October. Does the old adage use it or loose it apply here? Please Help.....Some men dont like sex that much. Your hubby is one of them. He didnt lose what he never had to begin with. You said so yourself if you read your message again you will see that.Good luck because I dont think you can change him.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 20, 2006
    • 04:57 AM
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  • I doubt your husband is a homosexual just from the content of what you wrote.His issues could be anything from not wanting more children to testoserone to something else too but don't go off the deep end thinking it's something else.However, you should know that many health conditions can also lead to erection problems or related issues.I think you need to 'again' address his doctor with 'WE DON'T HAVE A SEX LIFE AND THAT IS NOT NORMAL'.Maybe that's all you want to say. The person who talks last, loooossssesss.Remember that. State the problem and listen. Re-state the problem but don't look like an smart-butt, and listen again. Don't leave the exam room if you have to return. Change doctors for both of you if you have too.You've got a tough job!! I feel sorry for you but give it a good shot. Even though your husband won't talk about it, you might say to him at a good time when four kids are not there: "look, all I want you to do is be honest with me and a doctor" but attempt to be nice about this for a number of times. This may take some time to get rolling. It's tough, lots of things could be in play here. See if his doctor will share findings with you, like testosterone levels etc.Good luck -- write back some time.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 27, 2006
    • 05:17 AM
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  • I just wrote to you. Was looking over your post again. I'm almost sure, there are two things one needs when Testosterone (lets call that "T" from now on:) is low. One is T itself w/ a patch but there's also something in a packet (jell stubstance) that one applies to shoulders I think. The "T" allows/helps for the erection, the jell I'm talking about gives one the "Drive". I can't recall right now what that is but check on it.
    Dan Ryan 2 Replies
    • November 27, 2006
    • 05:35 AM
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  • Sorry, but this is a long post.I am really interested in your case; due to my own problems and the fact you mention your husband has type 2 diabetes.Type 2 diabetes involves insulin resistance (but I am not too educated about diabetes – yet; as I have neither type 1 or 2 but I am a candidate if I don’t find a way to stop my down hill spiral. But I am confident I will find the breaks) but I am sure learning fast about the affects of insulin resistance. Insulin resistance can cause muscle wasting – which I have suffered for probably 20 years - and it doesn’t’ matter how much T is in the system. Insulin resistance can reduce sex drive and it doesn’t matter how much T is in the system.I have had testosterone shots every two weeks for six years and have normal T levels, no increase in sex drive and no increase in muscle, only decrease in both as I become more insulin resistant. Doctors are not interested, as they are mostly unaware of the affects of insulin resistance.I also have suspected growth hormone deficiency (GHD) and low insulin like growth factor -1 (IGF-1). GHD and low IGF-1 in adults can lead to sexual dysfunction.I now have to travel to another State in my country of Australia, to see an endocrinologist who just might know what he is talking about. I have been ignored for the past twelve years. Not including all the years before this; I have been complaining about my health since I was 12 and labeled a hypochondriac. I am 37.I was also born biologically female but my brain is male in structure; I am female to male (FTM) transsexed. This is how I stumbled upon the info above; I started gender reassignment in 2000 and couldn’t understand why I was not developing muscle. I even tried body building at 18, without hormones, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t get anywhere. But my condition has nothing to do with gender; it has everything to do with insulin resistance. My muscle wasting and reduced sex drive has nothing to do with taking steroids, as out of the many hundreds of FTM’s worldwide, I am the only one (publicly documented) not to respond to T unless the FTM is diabetic. I have a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome Type III (Hyper mobility in all my joints) and this may be only one contributing factor to some EDS sufferers experiencing muscle wasting and connective tissue disorders have been linked with insulin resistance but not understood.Presently I am trying to have as many relevant tests conducted in order to help those with insulin resistance and the very negative affects this have on some, no matter what their gender or background.To measure insulin, growth hormone function and IGF-1, an ITT (insulin tolerance test) needs to be conducted by an endocrinologist. A routine blood test for GHD will not show anything as GH fluctuates through the day. Insulin resistance may very well be the reason behind your husband’s problems; and that of many others, men and women. No amount of counseling or sitting down to reason and so forth is going to help without the correct diagnosis and treatment.L-Arginine can help the body produce more growth hormone and IGF-1.God bless, and all the best to you and your husband.Agape,searchingsam
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • December 1, 2006
    • 08:48 AM
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  • sorry for my broken english, I m suffering the same, i have been married for 19 years, my husband has very low T, viagra Levitra and the patches for hormone replacements and injections dont help at all.In a year we can achive sex 2 times, I m so sad all the time.Sometimes I think he s gay , but he says he is not. He tells me he not able.he wont talk, he goes from a doctor to the the other with new recipes and nothing ever changes.I m desperate, Please help me!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 11, 2007
    • 00:37 AM
    • 0
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  • It seems life just works this way, I'm a man with low testosterone and also take Androgel. It does effect my libido and other things about my mood and general health. But unlike you I am married to a woman with no sex drive so it is not as much of a problem for me as it is for you. My wife would be happy with sex 4 times a year.For most of our marriage I was the one wanting more and felt frustrated. My libido has not dropped like your husbands, I still want sex several times a week, I just can't get it from my uninterested wife. I guess we all want what we can't have or can't get! Since realizing I had a testosterone problem I too noticed that I had fewer and shorter erections and less enjoyment form sex. But that was the least of it, I have lost strength, height, muscle, and put on weight unusually fast which are all symptoms. The medication is suppose to slow things down but has not really helped as much as I would have hoped.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 26, 2007
    • 02:11 PM
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  • I am a 40 y.o. male with low T. Doctors have no explanation for it, but it is the result of the pituitary secreting low levels of FSH and LH. There is no tumor. I have other undiagnosed health problems (widespread body pain, etc.) which has been tenuously labeled fibromyalgia. Anyway, by the time the low T (total T around 190) was first discovered, my testes had shrunk to less than half their normal size. I started the T replacement (Androgel 5 g) and they continued to shrink. I felt the effects of the Androgel for about 1-2 months. My libido skyrocketed and my erections were very strong as my T levels climbed to 600. I even noticed my beard began to grow quickly again. When I complained that it felt like it was having less effect, and my levels decreased to about 450, my doc doubled the dose to 10 g/day and my levels shot up to near 1000. Well, in the two years since then, it's all been down hill. On varying doses, I cannot achieve total T levels higher than about 350, and it gets lower with each office visit. I now have very low sex drive and erectile difficulties, and my beard growth has again really slowed and become more sparse. My doc tried me on Testim, which seemed to work better than Androgel, but after a month the effects again began to decrease, and then I developed a blistery rash at the application sites, so I went back on Androgel. My endocrinologist seems happy that my levels are where they are, in the mid-300s, but I am not. He has never heard of anyone being resistant to T replacement therapy, so it seems as if he's willing to accept any levels that are higher than what I came through the door with. I just don't know why I can't get to 600 again. Because my wife has a very low sex drive, I'm just considering going off the T replacement altogether. I wish there was some other way.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I am 50 yrs old with type II diabeties and a normal to above normal sex drive my problem has been premature ejaculation. My wife has lost interest altogether and its been about a year since we last made love. Many of our problems I believe are psychological in nature but overcoming them can be exhausting. There are many well made videos that seek to help couples overcome some of the issues we face with age, health or other problems. Couples have to talk about what each other needs but just as important is that both have to be willing to make it work. Good Luck as for me, well I'm thiinking about the Priesthood.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • :( My husband (age 36), was recently diagnosised with Low Testosterone and Type 2 Diabetes and given the Androderm patch. We have been married for 8 years and his sex drive has never seemed normal and it only got worse. I had begun to suspect that he was a homosexual. He also has High Blood Pressure. I have brought his low libido up to a few doctors, but it was usally ignored because we have 4 kids. I have tried EVERYTHING over the years to encourage him on the importance of having an active sex life, from bibilical, physical and emotional well being. I have threatened to leave and cheat on him numerous times. He has pretty much ignored me. So, I am relieved to know the cause. Although, I do believe that if he would have tried to do participate and used his "utensil" a little more frequently that it would not have gotten this bad so fast. He didnt kiss me, hold me, give massages or anything, absolutely nothing. We have had intercourse about 5-6 times this year and it is the middle of October. Does the old adage use it or loose it apply here? Please Help.....I am 24 and I really dont want sex all that much. I don know if its becuase I am sexually unattractd to my lover or not. Iv enever wanted sex mor ethan once a night, and sometimes I just dont want it full stop. Your husbands problems may be anxiety based so telling him you will leave and cheat on him wont do him any favours and I think thats a bit out of order on your part.Good luck though, I hope it all works out
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I understand what these wives are feeling. I've been married 17 years. In the past we had an awesome sex life. Lately it has gone to MAYBE once a month. I still want the physical AND emotional connection. I'm lonely. I feel like it's me. He says it's b/c of his medication (metformin, tricor, avalide, zoloft, oxycodone, and one more...). But what's a lonely woman to do!?!?!? HELP!!!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • oxycodone ( and probably zoloft) will definitely decrease the sex drive.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
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  • Ah, yes, "T"...that wonderful hormone that triggers those manly secondary sexual characteristics and sperm production in puberty. Then later in life, keeps those manly physical features intact (and in some, throws in male-pattern baldness) and plays a role in erectile function while insuring the testes keep chugging out sperm. That said, it only makes sense that when the T levels are low, men report symptoms of erectile dysfunction, a decrease in facial hair, testicular size (etc), decreases in muscle mass. But T does more than make a person look the part...It also makes you FEEL like a man. T effects mood, libido and other behaviours biochemically. When a man is lacking in T, he'll sometimes/usually report fatigue, moodiness, and/or feelings resembling depression...but he will always report changes in sex drive. So, only knowing what you've posted here, I can only suggest that you consider...You report that your husband had a low sex drive before and now there's a lab result showing a decrease in his T production. Went from bad to worse. (You'll never know the answers...but makes me wonder, were his T levels always on the low side and are now lower? Ten years ago, normal? 5 years ago, lower but still functional? And do they have answers to the why/how/what is causing the deficiency?) Now, on top of the lack of interest in sex, add performance anxiety (can he get an erection? and keep it up? with or without medications?), depression, questions regarding his manhood, and feelings of inadequacy because he knows you're not satisfied w/ him sexual. Essentially your husband is going through something comparable to menopause or a complete hysterectomy (minus the invasive surgery and pain!). He's 36. Now in addition to diabetes, he's got another, chronic disease. He will need to be on hormone replacement for the next 34 years or so (just guessing he'll be OK w/ impotence and the possibility of growing breasts after his 70th birthday). He cannot father children any more. Never. Period. The T deficiency certainly made it more difficult to produce viable, healthy sperm...difficult but not impossible. However, the hormone replacement eventually will make him sterile. No more sperm, All dried up. Blanks. Sadly, once the switch is turned off, can't turn it back on. Your doc did tell you about that side effect, right? So, essentially, his testicles are down there to keep up appearances (oh, by the way, eventually they'll shrink in size too), just hanging out with their neighbor, the penis. OK, let's be honest, dogs are great, but what is truly each man's best friend?! Guess my point is, even though it's rare and compared to other diseases, sounds harmless, it is life altering on many levels (psycho-sexual-societal). Wishing you and your husband the best! P.S. Ohh, almost forgot...he'd have to not be interested in sex with you (or other women for that matter) AND want to have sex with men in order to be homosexual. That also goes to show how we interpret and judge others when they aren't responding the "right way" sexually.P.S.S. Regarding Zoloft and Oxycodone...commonly antidepressants (in fact, almost all psych medications) have a negative effect on libido and/or physical performance. At the same time, narcotics (oxycodone, methadone, etc) decrease sex drive as well.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • You know it's funny, when you're feeling the effects of a spouse with low-testosterone you feel like you're suffering alone. I'm glad I found this thread.I have been with my boyfriend for 2yrs 4mths. I’m 31yrs old and he is now 36yrs old. Before I moved into his house, he'd come see me every weekend and once or twice a week and we'd fool around and be playful. After I moved in, I noticed we weren't playing as much as we used to. It went from every weekend, to maybe once a month and slowly it dwindled to once every 2 mths, every 3 mths etc….We used to get into big fights over it – I’d cry and cry and ask him “why aren’t you attracted to me anymore?” “Why don’t you want me anymore?”, “Do you still love me?”I became depressed and went on medication. Eventually, we went to the doctor for him as he too had signs of depression – always sad, fatigue, muscle pains (neck, back), moodiness (big time!!), always stressed, a bit of isolation and always feeling sick, Our doctor put him on Celexa 20g then to 40g. Amazingly he improved. He went from almost being fired from his job for calling in sick so much to getting a 97% on his review and a $2.00 raise. I am so proud of him. The doctor saw an improvement and reduced his dosage to 20g. That’s when it all goes downhill. My boyfriend, over time, became more fatigued - always tired, takes him a loooooong time to wake up. He has zero motivation. Feels like holding his guitar gives as much excitement as holding a bottle of water. Doesn’t play his guitar (he used to play at least every day), is trying to fix up his old car but says he doesn’t get the same enjoyment as he once did. He can’t concentrate, and if I ask him a straight forward question about how he feels, if he still wants me in his life, or just anything he can’t answer me. Says he is basically flat. Has no feelings of sadness or happiness – he just exsists. Feels like he doesn’t have the same strength as he once did. And we haven’t had sex or played around in almost 6mths. He used to touch my breasts everyday, and yes it got to the point where it got uncomfortable, so I asked him to try something else, coz rubbing my nipples everyday through a shirt makes them hurt. Now I regret even saying anything, coz I find myself longing for him to touch them/me again. I try and take his hands and place them on my breasts and he doesn’t do anything – tells me I told him not to – despite my numerous attempts to ask him to touch them again, I miss it and that I want him to touch them again.Okay, I got off track a wee bit. He felt that his decline had to do with the medication and I couldn’t agree more. So I booked him an appointment to see the doctor again. His doc upped his Celexa back to 40g and took a blood sample. The test results came back and said he had low testosterone. We went back to the docs just the other day to give him an update on the increased meds – hardly any change. Although I can see he is trying – he’s giving me hugs (tighter and longer) and kisses (no tongue though  ). He tickles me again.So the doc took more blood from him and is testing it strickly for low-T. My boyfriend goes back for the results next Weds.In the meantime, I mentioned to him yesterday that I still miss him, and the closness we once had. And of course, at bedtime, I found myself crying. He said that seeing me sad is making him sad. Says there is nothing he can do – that he’s trying. Says he doesn’t make me happy anymore. I am happy with him, but not when it comes to our sex life. I want him so bad – I want to feel that closeness again. I definitely do feel like I am alone in this – even though I can see other people going through the same thing. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this (for us women)? I understand that there are medications out there for men and I don’t know what our doc will suggest. Do the medications really work or am I holding out for something that won’t get better in the end? I love this man more then words can express and I’d hate to see my life without him in it.Signed, Crying in a cold bed
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I totally understand how you feel. I am only 25 years old and have been married just over a year. I have the same problems. I have a husband that hates sex. We have sex maybe once ever 2 months. I have gotten to the point that I don't even like him anymore, I still love him but I do not like him. I have been rejected and pushed away so many times. I have tried talking to him numerouse times and he says he doesn't know what to do, he things everything is perfect. I told him I was having him tested and he laughed and said that low -t wasn't the problem it was just that it wasn't a priority. I am majorly depressed because of it. I used to be a person full of live and self esteem. Now I hate myself and feel like it is me. I am just glad I found this site to be able to share in the same problems. I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing works.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • August 10, 2007
    • 09:13 PM
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  • Hi I'm a 22 yr old male. I used to have a very healthy sex life, but now I feel like I don't have a drive anymore. I was injured in Iraq and had cuncussion and my radial nerve was pretty much severed. I was wondering if these injuries could have led to my low drive.thanks
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • September 17, 2007
    • 05:32 PM
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  • I had testicular cancer and had one testicle removed. A couple of years later I became exactly like your husband sounds. I went to the Dr. and he put me on Androgel(testosterone) - problem solved. We have sex about 4 times a week.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 15, 2007
    • 05:50 PM
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  • I totally understand how you feel. I am only 25 years old and have been married just over a year. I have the same problems. I have a husband that hates sex. We have sex maybe once ever 2 months. I have gotten to the point that I don't even like him anymore, I still love him but I do not like him. I have been rejected and pushed away so many times. I have tried talking to him numerouse times and he says he doesn't know what to do, he things everything is perfect. I told him I was having him tested and he laughed and said that low -t wasn't the problem it was just that it wasn't a priority. I am majorly depressed because of it. I used to be a person full of live and self esteem. Now I hate myself and feel like it is me. I am just glad I found this site to be able to share in the same problems. I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing works.Hi, I'm 24 and have been with my partner for 5 years. He has an incredibly low sex drive which results in all the feelings and problems that everyone has mentioned. He was suffering from depression before I met him and I feel his lack of desire is anxiety based. I encouraged him to go to a psychiatrist because it was causing a COMPLETE breakdown in communication and making me depressed. After a long wait we had a letter advising us to go to Relate for psychosexual counseling. It has improved our physical relationship beyond expectations, however it is still a very big problem for us. I was wondering if there is any supplements or vitamins that he can take to increase his sex drive? I can't live with sex every 2 months (If I'm lucky!), it's driving me mad. It seems there is nothing I can do and it is sooooo frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • December 13, 2007
    • 05:49 PM
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  • I read with interest about your partners lack of sex drive. I'm a 47 year old heterosexual male and although I enjoy the company/friendship of women, I have never had a sex drive. I have enjoyed good health all my life, I have always maintained a good level of fitness and have never smoked. My alcohol consumption is limited to a couple of glasses of wine a week (if that). I've never been over weight or had psychological or relationship problems. My testosterone level is perfectly normal and so is my prolactin (a chemical produced by the pituitary gland; hyperprolactinaemia is an excess of the chemical that can reduce libido) I have had numerous tests and all my chemicals/hormones/body functions are as they should be. To sum up, I have never had any illness or condition that would be an obvious cause of my total lack of libido. It's all to easy to blame external factors on a persons lack of desire but occasionally there is no other explanation other than "its the way you are wired". Your partner may fall into this category.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • December 14, 2007
    • 03:16 AM
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  • I'm 25 and am having the same problem - no/low sex drive. I am definitely wanting to have sex, but I'm not turned on. There are many stressors present in my life right now, so perhaps the lack of drive can be chalked up to that (as another poster noted, "it's not a priority"). But I do think there is something bigger going on here. This problem has occurred in the past for me with certain girlfriends, and then went away for others. Now I am finding the problem again and wondering if there isn't some deeper lesson to be learned. I think it is possible that as men we feel pressure to be hyper sexual, but really it may be that many of us aren't naturally so sexual. I for one don't subscribe to the "screw anything that walks" M.O., and try to be a little more picky. I think it may be the case that I, and the rest of you with this problem, aren't being picky enough. I can tell you this much - when I have been with women that I was truly crazy about, this problem never existed. With women who I experienced something less than infatuation, the problem came back. I think, therefore, that increased pickiness may be a solution. Obviously, for you married couples out there, this "solution" is little help because it would mean the end of your relationship - and I wouldn't suggest that. For you all, I think what's important is to enjoy each other - even if that doesn't include sex. If you love each other, there are plenty of things your husband should be able to do for you that don't really require his libido to be in full force. Massages, oral sex, etc are all good options. But for those of us who are not in a committed relationship, let's try to be a bit more selective and only go for women than drive us crazy (in the good way). Then let's see if this problem remains...
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • January 12, 2008
    • 01:02 AM
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  • I know how you feel. The problem is: men won't get help because if they have a low sex drive they could care less about sex...so they don't miss it or have the desire to have it. Why should they go get help if they are fine without it? They can't see how huge the problem is. How it makes YOU feel. Good luck. You now have to make the decision if your life, your passion, and your sexiness is worth staying in a relationship with a man who doesn't want it.
    lowtech 1 Replies
    • January 28, 2008
    • 07:14 PM
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