This is more for those who have been dealing with primary vaginismus.
After i met my partner we attempted sex for the first time a couple of months into our relationship but we were unsuccessful. I was highly nervous about the prospect of pain and the problem i was dealing with was massive discomfort/pain when attempting to have sex.
We kept trying but we would always end up disappointed. Personally i thought it was me and this really got me down - i lost my drive for sex which also affect my partner greatly (thus affecting our relationship). I was convinced it was something physiological not psychological.
A friend of mine suggested that i go see her GP to attempt a papsmear and general examination of the area (because i was too embarrased to see my own family GP about this problem). When i went to the doctor she said that it looked like i still had part of my hymen in tact and it could be primary vaginismus - she referred me to a sex/couples counsellor. My partner and i had already looked up this condition (among other possibilities) and found that it was involuntary muscle spasms of the vaginal wall making it impossible to attempt sex or even insert tampons without major discomfort (generally due to psychological reasons, such as a bad sexual experience, etc).
My partner and i went to this counsellor and found it a positive experience as she explained a lot about techniques to help to ease the process. She gave me a dialator to practice with and about every 2 weeks i would progress to a larger dialator. This was to help to slowly get used to the sensation, however in my condition the progess was next to nil (for those of you suffering from primary vaginismus i do recommened seeing a sex counsellor for both individuals and couples for therapy and suggestions - it really does help - plus the one we saw printed out information for us to read, etc - was really good and it was next to nothing because it was a community group).
Shortly after we decided to try hypnotherapy, which was a fee on top of normal psychologists fees. Hundreds of dollars later there was still no progress other than being able to give the hypnotherapist/psychologist advice on her teeth and losing weight (which was kind of a role reversal).
After a number of months of feeling as though we had no other options and were near the brink of giving up (this was now 3 - 4 years into our relationship) we went to my normal GP (not the one i had seen originally about the condition) and enquired about our options (including surgical). She referred me to a Gynaecologist.
It took me a couple more months to work up the courage to let yet another stranger have a look at my vagina but i gave in and saw her. It made it easier for me in this process, however, because with my private health insurance i was able to choose a female if i wished to see a female.
On initial consultation we discussed what i had been through then she examined the region in question. It literally took less than a minutes for her to say "Oh my god" followed by "you have labial adhesions" (a thin layer of skin joining the two labial lips (vaginal lips) together - normally present in the forming of the female vagina and can be presenting more commonly with younger children possibly 6 and under).
The Gynaecologist was shocked because she had never seen such a case present in a person my age (23). She also discovered that my hymen was also still FULLY intact (which made me loose a bit of faith in the first GP i saw). What was also very shocking (TO ME) was that with all the professional help i acquired from various sources (even my partner - being a Paramedic) none recognised this abonormality (being that it was quite subtle unless one had seen it before). The Gynaecologist said that usually around the age of 5 -6 this problem can develop (some classic signs in children being them pointing out pain or discomfort in that region or even walking funny). I'm not sure if any of these signs were what i experienced as a child but i was never checked.
This is an important factor (for parents) to make sure you don't ignore simple signs like that with your young girls. Gynaecologists can also check young girls not just adult women.
A couple of hundred dollars and a simple day surgical procedure later i was in recovery. It took a couple of days off work and a couple of weeks for recovery time to get back on track.
My partner and i have now been able to have sex, which has been an amazing experience and i truly appreciate the ability to be able to experience this with him.
I hope this story helps some of you! I know there are a hundred and ten possible treatments for primary vaginismus but in the end i found out that my problem wasn't psychological but it was actually physical.....
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