Hello, first of all let me Thank You for providing this opportunity to tell my situation. I am desperate. I have no med. insurance yet. My husband and i just moved from Hawaii to California, but planing on moving to East Tennessee by the end of the year. Until then I will not have job or insurance. I also believe that we often if not almost always have underlying infections, that often get undiagnosed and untreated.
Please read my story. I am a 30 year old female, married 6 months. I am so worried that I may be infertile if not Sterile. I have not ever been to a fertility doctor or had fertility testing, so this is a self diagnosis based on my history. Can you tell me what you think, and what you think I could do for now, to stop going crazy with this thought.
My history is that at 17 I became pregnant. I was too scared to tell my parents, and I also had other fears going on so I regretabley had an abortion. Let me tell you my other fears. I made many horrible choices after I lost my virginity at 16. I then got a boyfriend and we began to have intercourse. After about my 10th time of EVER having sex in my life, we became pregnant. So I know I was fertile. Well before I found out i was pregnant, I had cheated on my boyfriend twice with someone of a risky type. I feel horrible admitting all of this. Well a week after cheating, I began to have symptoms of STD's, pain and burning during sex and urination. I was tested not quite sure for what STD's but anyways they were negative.
So also during this time, right before finding out I was pregnant and right after cheating I became extremely sick, turns out I had MONO, E.B.V, and the type of Hep. that goes away, I believe it is Hep. C, and anemia, one illness caused the other and so on and so forth. I thought I was dying, I thought I must for sure have HIV, but I selfishly was too scared to find out the truth of that and have to admit to boyfriend and parents about what I had been doing sexually. My boyfriend was a virgin before me and I KNOW was very faithful, he was so in love with me, he wanted our baby desperately and wanted to marry me, which made my decision to abort all the more horrible to deal with.
Looking back I don't know how I made it through that time. Immediately after the abortion I mean within an hour, I began to have extreme pain almost fainting from it, pain like I had never known, also bleeding a lot, and the scariest symptoms was that I could feel my insides (belly ) exploding, literally loud popping, I could feel and almost hear in my belly. I was to scared, traumatized and never wanted to go back to clinic, so unfortunately I never got that checked out.
So after abortion for the next year my boyfriend and I embarked on our selfish, and stupid plan to try to have a baby. I wanted to fill the void and the intense pain, sadness and guilt that made me cry myself to sleep every night. I never thought I believed in abortion, until it happened to me. I couldn't believe that I could kill my own child. Well we tried for a whole year and NEVER got pregnant. So I was sure I must have gotten PID or some horrible infection after abortion, that sterilized me.
My boyfriend and I broke up and I immediately began a monogamous 8 year long relationship from age 18-26. We always had unprotected sex, and though we never tried getting pregnant and ALWAYS used the pull-out method I knew that I should have gotten pregnant accidentally even with the pull out method. Never did get pregnant.
After that relationship ended for the next year and a half I began to have at least 4 or more one night stands always unprotected, always using pull- out method. Never got pregnant. I also had a relationships lasting at least 6 months, this one actually did ejaculate in me every time, Never got pregnant. I know he is fertile now, because I recently found out he became a father.
I was very self-destructive, did not see a future for myself, and with each horrible choice of unprotected sex, I sunk deeper into a pit of not caring for myself. All the while seemingly happy and normal to my parents.
Finally at 27 I became a born again Christian, ****s saved me. I met my now husband at church. He gave me the strength and love to go get tested Finally for HIV and chlamydia and gohnorrea, cause these are what I was most worried about. We both got tested, at the appropriate time for these diseases to show up, after at least 6 mos. since my last partner. we both tested NEGATIVE for all these.
We are now married and though are not trying just yet we want to soon. However I am scared to death that the guilts and pains of my past will haunt me forever, not being able to conceive my own child!. My husband know all my fears, and he thinks I should not worry about it and let the Lord take control. I believe and understand this, however I do know that without knowing the truth of my situation I will not be able to rest, to enjoy my life truly.
I come to you in the hopes that your educated opinions will finally help put to rest some of my worries. I recently went to Planned Parenthood clinic, for Pap and sTD retesting, just because I still wonder if they might have been wrong. Husband also thinks this is crazy , he says it is like i want something to be wrong , like I want to have something.
I just don't trust the testing that they do, it seems to simple, to easy to miss a disease, just through swab or urine testing, and your website has confirmed that my fears are correct in deed.
I also wanted to ask a health professional, aobut all my fears and tell my history, but unfortunately I was treated with a very rushed attitude, and the nurse practiitioner seemed almost annoyed by my questions and I feel she did not answer my questions.
1) I asked if I could have had STD during the 10 years between testing at 17 and 27, and have the STD clear up on it's own, and no longer show up on tests???? she just said No.
2) I asked if I could have had PID??? syptomless. She said " NO way, I would have to know because the pain is so intense I would have to be hospitalized eventually.
3) Can't PID be syptomless??? Also can it clear up on own, after causing permanent damage to repro. organs?? Or does it stay in your system until it is treated??
4) Have you ever heard of syptoms like those of what I felt after my abortion?? Exploding, popping in belly??
5) If I am in fact Infertile, what do you think is my chances of having children?? I know is basically not something you can truly answer without checking me out.
God Bless and thanks for letting me share my story,
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