I keep putting off going to a psychiatrist, as I used to go to one and she was a huge quack. Her method of treatment was, "Ok what is the base feeling to that? What is the feeling under that? And what is the feeling under those feelings?" So here is what I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember. First emotion I remember feeling is depressed. My mother hated me, she only really wanted my older sister, my dad was an alcoholic that I never saw and my sister only cared about playing princess and stepping on me to get what she wanted. My mom was very cold and didn't hesitate to resort to violence if I didn't hop to on command. I remember always feeling this huge dark hole of why doesn't anyone love me? Of what does my sister have that I don't? And the one that still haunts me to this day is what is so wrong with my that my mom never could and still doesn't love me? All of my relationships (except my current marriage) had been abusive. I was only comfortable with men who treated me like crap. If I met a good guy, I always found something wrong and ran away. I was raped when I was 17 and the guy was never brought to justice. Not to mention that my mother blamed it on me, that if I really didn't want it to happen, I could have fought harder. God love my husband, every time I have tried to push away and run, he pulls me back to reality. I have been treated for anxiety and depression but the meds don't seem to help. I get these flash backs, and I can feel the rage creep up, can't breathe and I can feel my heart pounding. I have problems with trust and am very paranoid in social and work settings that everyone is upset with me (when they really aren't). Does this sound at all familiar to anyone? My husband thinks it is Manic Depressive or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Can anyone point me in the right direction.Reply Follow This Thread Stop Following This Thread Flag this Discussion
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