I need help. I got married 2.5 years ago. My husband has anger problems and is very insecure, while I am the positive go-getter. Slowly, with his anger outbursts, I was unable to handle it and I started feeling depressed. I lived with his family, which made things worse, I was practically doing every housework in the house with a dysfunctional family. My in laws dont talk to me and my mother in law made a lot of problems for me, which my husband will only listen to her and he will start blaming me that everything is my fault, etc.
Thing is,he never had a healthy relationship with his parents either, but I made him close to them because I felt he should respect his parents no matter what. Things moved on pretty depressing for me, I was way far from my parents, I had financial problems but I kept it all to myself because I did not want to worry my parents about it. My husband lost his job and he started becoming extremely angry with everything and he became worse. He did some temporary office jobs then, so did i, but he gave a big sum of his money to his mother under her pressure but we both were left without money to spend and i became extremely frustrated not having enough money although we could have. Things became worse at home, my in laws became more and more controlling and I was living in fear with all the anger outbursts they gave me, my husband would never say anything but he would only throw his anger at me. At times i felt he felt for me, so I stayed in the marriage thinking there is hope. We argued often, my husband would physically also hurt me, and I waited patiently for months until I too used to strike him back. He is way stronger than me, so I am usually the one who ends up feeling more hurt than ever.
He is a rigid type and I see it from his father as well, and he does not care about me or gives me any assurances. No matter how much I cry, all he does is shout nasty words and accusations. All this made me depressed.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with hypothyrodism. It was very very high- at 36. My doctor was shocked but was surprised that I looked normal and not extremely depressed. At this time, both my husband and i moved to a different city away from both of our parents to go to university, thinking it would give us a break from all these marital problems. it did help a bit, but we still fought everyday. My husband then started threatening divorce, and he became very irritational.He had no friends, and most of his friends were mine. I felt better being away from his family problems, so I put up with him thinking this is better than the previous year.
However things did go worse, my husband did not improve his attitude and my hypothyroidsm went worse. I felt more and more depressed and my husband did not understand it. He did read up articles and forums online, but he would never understand me when I get emotional. He would snarl and snap back at me, making me feel almost suicidal. This was a weekly routine. He would say he is done with me, and he does not wnat to live with me anymore.
I was still hanging on to him, because i love him. Now we are back home, at my place instead, and he now avoids me to the core. he thinks that i am overly emotional for no reason. i would cry and beg him for mercy when he is threatening me. i would cry saying i have hypothyroidism, please bear with me as i cant help it. but he would still scold and shout at me for being naggy and controlling. i would go and hug him telling him i love him to death but he would just simply sit there blaming me for his unhappiness and it is my fault to make him angry. he would constantly blame me and i would sit down and cry, feeling depressed.
now i am fed up with this, going on for the same way for a year and more. my husband still does not care about my hypothyroidism. my parents asked him to give me my medicines on time because i refused to take them. i felt that there was no point taking the tablets if my husband still abuses me. now i take the medicines on time with the concern of my parents, but i dont feel any better. my mental health is going worse thanks to my husband, who is now avoiding me and leaving me to his parents home.
he has now left me and he goes without my consent. he promises to be back by certain dates and then extends them and refuses to call me or ask how am i. i long to speak to him and i long for his soft words, assurances and love. but i get none of these things.
my parents are very angry with my husband at the same time they said that i am no more myself now. they said i am very temperemental and sensitive but they understand me. they are keeping patient but they are also not in the position to advice my husband who has high ego. he would not care for me but he only cares about his family and his reputation.
his family humiliates me very badly but he still supports them, which makes me really upset. i feel mentally abused because i am not allowed to speak up by my husband. my parents brought me to a doctor about this condition, and the doctor said i never had thyroid problems and this looks like it has developed about 2years ago. I regularly do a check up but once i got married, my husband has never brought me to a dental or blood test. i remember when i was having severe stomach pain once, at wee hours in the morning, i woke him up and i needed help. but he snarled at me and went back to sleep. this is how i am treated by him. i live in fear.
right now i dont know why i am being so stupid but i have forgiven my husband many many times for his anger and ill treatments. i just wanted to give him a chance thinking that i might have my own faults too. but right now i need him and he is running away from me, becuase his family is more important than my health. i need him next to me. i need him to assure me but he is not there for me.
i am breaking apart. i believe that having a healthy marriage will help cure my medical problem but this is not helping. my husband knows the severity of this problem and he is worried as he told my parents, but i think these are all lies, because he still hurts me.
i feel that he is very self-centered and he only wnats to be with me when i am fine, and he is not there when i really need him.
please advice me, i need help. thanks for listening and thank you in advance for your response.