Discussions By Condition: Thyroid conditions

hypothyroid - ruined relationship

Posted In: Thyroid conditions 64 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • April 12, 2006
  • 06:23 PM

My girlfriend has hypothyroidism with the following symptoms. Crushing fatigue, no libido, foggy brain, terrible memory, thinning hair, dizziness and migraines. It seems to have overcome her so slowly that she seems to simply accept it. The worst is the exhaustion and the memory. She had 1/2 her thyroid out about 16 years ago because of nodules. When I met her she seemed to be fine but about 10 months ago she started to experience the loss of libido and became quite tired. She also began experiencing dizziness and frequent occurrence of migraines and her memory seemed to worsen - it was already pretty bad but it amazingly got worse. I have researched it and I beleive the treatment she is getting is inadequate. I saw first hand the cavalier attitude her endocrinologist has. I have been gently urging her to see another doctor who will treat with Amour Thyroid. This doctor also asks "how are you feeling?" and reputedly listens to what you say. Unfortunately, my girlfriend ended our relationship. One of the last conversations we had was about her going to see a new doctor - she felt I was annoying her about all of this. I assure you I believe I was gentle and tactful in this. The good news is that she has an appointment to see this new doctor. My question is - Has anyone else experienced the ruination of their marriage or relationship due to this disease?

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  • HiI've been there on the forums and thinking that was me. I am 29 and have been dealing with hypothryroidism undiagnosed for 2 years. Every dr tried to give me antidepressants or told me I was fine. I went through 3 drs in 8 months trying to find relief this year and then one finally listened. He did a whole work up and diagnosed me with elevated tsh, very low t4, horrible blood counts/iron, etc. I have been on synthroid for about one week and I feel like I have my life back. It is the difference between night and day. I feel like I am 26 years old again before this happened and my relationship with my husband is already improving. I feel horrible putting him through all of this...moods, depression, fatique, thought lapses, etc. What I am saying is you have to find help and keep trying until you do. Many drs do not listen but you owe to yourself and your family, not to mention your career and your future. Wishing you the best.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 18, 2007
    • 03:44 PM
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  • To rogerloveshiswife....Hi i was wondering what they put your wife on that turned her around....her symptoms are exactly like mine....i have always been very thin...never had to worry about my weight....now i weigh about 130...im 5'4...and im sure i'll gain more if i dont stop it... 130 is not alot to most people...but i'm very strict about my weight...and its killing me to gain weight...i eat right...very strict diet...but still gaining...plus depression (not bad yet) quick to snap at people..(not like me) fatique...body aches...low libido...(not like me either)..so i'm wondering what helped her...hypothyroidism runs in my family...i need help before i go crazy...:eek: :eek: Thanks for any help you can give me
    Tenngal71 22 Replies
    • October 30, 2007
    • 02:30 AM
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  • I haven't read thru all the posts, but just wanted to let you know that the symptoms she is having could also be caused by low ferritin or B12. Both of these are often low in patients that have hypothyroidism. They both cause crushing fatigue as well. The best of luck Kiera
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 30, 2007
    • 02:48 PM
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  • To rogerloveshiswife....Hi i was wondering what they put your wife on that turned her around....her symptoms are exactly like mine....i have always been very thin...never had to worry about my weight....now i weigh about 130...im 5'4...and im sure i'll gain more if i dont stop it... 130 is not alot to most people...but i'm very strict about my weight...and its killing me to gain weight...i eat right...very strict diet...but still gaining...plus depression (not bad yet) quick to snap at people..(not like me) fatique...body aches...low libido...(not like me either)..so i'm wondering what helped her...hypothyroidism runs in my family...i need help before i go crazy...:eek: :eek: Thanks for any help you can give meHave you seen a doctor about your hypothyroidism? You sound like you have the symptoms.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 7, 2007
    • 03:16 AM
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  • no i haven't but i'm am making a appointment soon...i can't take it anymore...i feel like its getting worse every day....:( i would like to avoid taking synthroid....anyone with suggestions?
    Tenngal71 22 Replies
    • November 13, 2007
    • 02:28 AM
    • 0
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  • My wife and I have been married for eight years. I love her to death, but I am so lost and confused right now. We have two children together, and I really want us to be a family again. About two years ago (the kids were about two then)she tells me that she loves me but she is not "in love" with me. We go to a marriage councilor, and he was a mess. Without going into it, he was not a very good choice for either of us. So we stopped seeing him and I wanted to continue on with a new a councilor. She did not. Soon after, she wants to seperate. I didn't want to, but I agreed. I still came over everyday to spend time with the kids. A month later, I move back in and eventually persuade her to go back into counciling. We go, but things do not improve. We co-habitate but we do not live together.Eventually, during one of the sessions, she tells me that she wants a divorce. I do not think this is a good idea, but there is nothing that I can do. She goes to the doctor and is diagnosed with Hypothyroid. I have tried to be supportive, but she does not seem to want support from me. While I do not blame the disease for all of the problems in our marriage, I have said (to the marriage councilors, family, friends, etc.) that this is not the woman that I married. She is distant, unavailable, and suffers from incredible mood-swings. She has gone to several different doctors and they have given her everything from prozac to armour. Nothing seems to help. She was the most wonderful and caring person I have ever known, and I so confused by how this effects every aspect of her personality. I do not want a divorce because, though our marriage is far from perfect, I really cant imagine ending it without being able to weigh the decision with a clear head. I want to be there for her, and to help her through this, but she will not let me. And between the kids, financial situations, family situations, etc. she is under and incredible amount of stress, which I'm sure does not aid the healing process. The problem that seems to be most detrimental is the mood swings. She goes from being numb and distant to extremely emotional. The reason this is such a problem is that if I screw up in any way (and I'm talking basic guy screw-ups like not picking up the towels, or forgetting to put the laundry in dryer, nothing heavy like drugs, abuse, etc.) it's like every stride I've made up to that point is suddenly unwraveled, and we are back to square one. Even worse, she will not talk about these things. If there is problem she will not discuss it. She'll just let it bug her until she goes into one of the emotional swings and lay into me. I don't want to paint such a bad picture of her, either. I mean, we have some good days too. I married her because I love her. We have beautiful children together, and I don't want them to have to go through a divorce if it can be avoided. But she was diagnosed a year ago, and nothing has changed. I feel (and perhaps I am wrong) that I have made great strides in changing myself in order to save the relationship. But I also feel that, while our problems did not stem from the disease, that our relationship cannot heal until she does. I will say this: When I was younger, she stayed by my side at my worst. I eventually pulled through it, and I would like nothing more than to return the favor to her. I just don't know how to do it. Anyone who has gone through this, is there any advice you can give me?
    LostOne 3 Replies Flag this Response
  • Lost One,You haven't been married long enough! :rolleyes: :D Try being married nearly 25 years and living with a spouse who has undiagnosed hypothyroidism for 19 of those years. My hubby has been through hypoT ***l and it isn't over yet. I am still being under treated for my condition and as long as that happens I'll never feel like myself.And with being under treated comes the complications from hypoT.The best thing you can do for her is give her a lot of leeway and drop the judgments. She can't help herself especially if she's under treated. Mood swings will only calm down when she's on the right dose of medication. Next, help find her a better doctor because it sounds as if she's not getting the treatment she needs. Her TSH should be around 0.5 to 1.0. Most feel best around 1.0 but about 10% of us hypoT sufferers feel better around 0.5 or even lower. Ultimately, it's not about numbers but how one feels.Third, be her advocate at the doctor's office. She needs someone to help fight for her cause.I used to be more outgoing (never an extrovert though) and even keeled but by necessity I've become reclusive to heal from the complications.If she's on thyroid replacement and Prozac or Zoloft or Luvox that could be part of her problem too. Some drugs alter the effectiveness of thyroid replacement and those three drugs are just a **w of them which do.Also she needs to be tested for vitamins deficiencies such as iron, VitB12, calcium, magnesium, potassium, and B vitamins. Not having enough B vits can make you crabby and moody too.Believe me, having hypoT and being married isn't easy.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Well she's found another doctor who is supposed to be extremely good at what he does. I just hope he can help her. They had her on antidepresents twice in the past and both times she stopped taking them. She is currently on armour. I was not the most understanding person in the beginning, but we also had no idea there was something wrong. It was like she just changed over night and was suddenly miserable. It is amazing what this disease can do to a person. One of the biggest risks I see in having the disease is that it effects so much both physically and mentally that any symptoms you have are immediately written off as being thyroid-related. They very well may be, but if they aren't other serious problems can go undiagnosed because it is assumed (even by medical professionals) to be thyroid related. Thanks for words of encouragement. I plan on haninging in there for as long as it takes.
    LostOne 3 Replies Flag this Response
  • Today was a bad day... one of many. It truly is a difficult task to be in a relationship with someone struggling with a thyroid disorder, especially when he knows he has one (but not yet properly diagnosed) and is still a month away from getting in with an endocrinologist. The last few months have been especially trying. He's become so selfish, moody, agitated and everything I say seems to upset and annoy him... unless it's what he wants to hear. I'm walking on egg shells ALL the time! I know it's the condition he's in that causes it but it hurts and now he's pushing me away, saying that he wants "space" until he gets treatment (we're not yet married or under the same roof). On one hand I think, "Great! You're not much fun to be around most of the time anyway!" On the other hand, I don't want to be pushed away. I want to be there for him. But he doesn't notice how patient I've been... and how much space I HAVE given him. His condition is an excuse for everything... and I feel unable to even stand up for myself and the way he's treating me because even though I'm *****d off and hurt, I know he probably can't help it. How much is enough? I'm human too. I can't be 100% perfect just be keep from rocking his boat. While I'm positive he's absolutely miserable at this point, being on this end is no cake walk either!
    Tired of It 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • WOW i have just been reading everyone's response on this topic and it brings tears to my eyes. I have to admit my relationship was ruined because of Hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. That took a couple of years to figure out. Once they killed my thyroid I am now hypo. If I had to do it all over again I would much prefer to keep my Hyper even if it was causing stress on my heart. My partner of 8 years ended our relationship because I got fat! I went from 123lbs to 183 lbs. Huge weight gain. Because of the weight gain came low self esteem, no libido seriously who would want to cuddle up with that every night. So he never came to bed with me anymore, stopped talking to me, started working late and just plain checked out. Never once talking to me about it. The depression just gets worse. Right now I think i need another med check because my legs are swelling so badly I can hardly walk, not sleeping, but then tired all day, hair hasn't started to fall out yet...WHEW!! Constantly boiling hot to the point of embarrassing. I do know that Hypo may have wrecked my relationship but if it was a strong relationship from the getgo he would never have left. I'm better off without him. Oh, I have lost most of my weight once our relationship ended no special diet just removed the stress in my life and unfortunately looks like he was my stress and reason for the weight gain.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I posted on here several months back, saying that my wife suffered from Hypothyroid and was looking for a divorce. Well, last night she said that she had no more feelings left for me and that she wants a divorce. She wants joint custody and wants me to be a strong part of the children's lives, but she said that she is not "in love" with me, and cannot look at me in that way. The problem is that I cannot argue with her on the issue, as only she knows how she feels. However, I truly think that she is making a mistake and I believe that this illness is causing these feelings (or lack thereof) that she is having. She has been to countless doctors and has been diagnosed with everything from Adrenal fatigue (sp?) to hypothyroid to hashimoto's disease. Everyone diagnoses, but no one seems able to fix it. I truly love her and my children, and I have stood by her for the past three years through each "incarnation" of her ailment. I told her last night that I truly feel that while the illness may not be the cause of her feelings, I truly believe that it is preventing her from getting over them, and that divorce will not improve anything, as I do not treat her poorly. It has been two years since there has been any physical intimacy (and not just "the deed", but that includes kissing, hugging, holding hands, anything), and not once did I get that intimacy elsewhere. Even when she asked for the divorce last time (about a year ago), and insisted that there was nothing we could do to reconcile it, I couldn't bring myself to look elsewhere. If we were in an abusive relationship, or if I were self-destructive, or mean to the children, I could see it. But there is none of that, and the woman I married would have never done this. She was truly a kind and good person, always giving (perhaps too much) of herself to others. For the past three years she had become more and more withdrawn, lathargic, and even bitter. I believe that she is simply exhausted and feeling in despair over the fact that no one can seem to treat the symptoms of her illness. They can't even settle on one diagnosis. She's desperate, and I want nothing more than for her to feel better, to be that wonderful person that I fell in love with. I truly feel, in my heart, that if she could recover from this and get control of the way she feels again, that perhaps she might see the situation differently, and we could repair our marriage. I guess what I am asking here, especially from those who suffer from these symptoms, do I seem way off here? I mean, am I just fooling myself in thinking that this marriage can be saved if we can get past the hurtle of her illness? I know none of you know me or my wife, or the situations in our marriage, but I guess if you suffered this disease, and your relationship suffered for it, is there the possibility that it could be repaired once you felt better? Or am I just a fool who keeps throwing himself in for more punishment? LostOne P.S. Graves Disease-Despite everything I posted above, if he left you because of weight gain, then (and I hate to say this) perhaps you are better off without him. If he could not move beyond that, and was not willing to discuss, let alone work with you through it, then I really think that it was only a matter of time before he split anyway. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you have true support somewhere that'll see you through this.
    LostOne 3 Replies Flag this Response
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  • I have had severe marital problems because of my thyroid. My husband works out of town and I HATE IT. I hate him working in town too because he may meet someone else and then what would I do? I am ugly, I am ragged, and old. Ect.ect.ect. I am none of those things, but I am so depressed all the time I believe I am. I finally started taking B6 because I heard it helps, it did. I am wondering if anyone else did this? I am supposed to have surgery, but I am too scared. This past week of being on Vitamin B6 was the first week of him being gone that I didnt fight with him once, the first time in our marriage. I cleaned house, car, ect. I feel better, wondering if it will last and I can save our marriage. If I could stay feeling this way we will have a chance.
    standardfamily 3 Replies
    • August 15, 2008
    • 11:44 PM
    • 0
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  • am having a terrible time with mine...no one understands...am at the end of my rope...don't care bout nothing no more...can't help it...hopeless...despair...anguish...wish i had left it in there and let it do what it wanted to do...destroying all around me andI am a 27 year old woman who is battling this disease, even though my endochrinologist seems to think that my symptoms shouldn't be as severe as they are, and took the liberty of telling my family this even though I am an adult.What I really mean to say is that, in the darkest of times in the worst of it all, once I knew and came to understand the disease, I began to realize that the worst havoc it had reaped on me was the depression. It can be crippling. Please understand that you are NOT alone and you are NOT crazy, that this is a simple hormone malfunction and that will not determine who you are, that will be cured with time, we are fortunate to have a cure available to us. You will regain your personality, you will flourish.I wish the best for you, as I wish the best for me... I have to remind myself of these things on a daily basis. TELL YOURSELF it is not you, it is a chemical imbalance. You had no hand in your illness, therefore there is no reason to blame yourself, love.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 22, 2008
    • 09:41 AM
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  • I lost the love of my life and became an insane @ssho## after a misdiagnosis and insufficient treatment with synthroid. Synthroid is useless and needs to be taken off the market. After TEN years of suffering I made my dr. put me on Armour. I am finally starting to feel better, but I've lost ten years due to incompetence and worthless medicine. I tell everyone I know not to take synthetic thyroid unless it is absolutely the last option. I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what I've endured.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 27, 2008
    • 08:51 PM
    • 0
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  • YES, I beleive it to be true! My wife has already been diagnosed with it and has subsequently gone off the deep end and ruined our marriage, kidnapped our kids, ran to over 365 miles away, and now we are in the middle of a divorce. She has had ever increasing irrational thought patterns and irritability associated with it. In other words, she went nuts. I suspect that she may also be bipolar. I have been hurt by her actions and had to take some initiative to her actions, so I filed first, She filed in the county where she fled to and unfortunatly filed with some very false allegations of domestic violence and mental abuse to her and our children. None of which is true. I am very hurt over this and have a lot to overcome to win this in court. Luckly, I have video of her outbursts and several audio recordings of our phone calls. The story is really telling, the inconsistancies are very prevelant. So, YES, it is true that hypothyroidism is the cause of our marital problems.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • WOW i have just been reading everyone's response on this topic and it brings tears to my eyes. I have to admit my relationship was ruined because of Hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. That took a couple of years to figure out. Once they killed my thyroid I am now hypo. If I had to do it all over again I would much prefer to keep my Hyper even if it was causing stress on my heart. My partner of 8 years ended our relationship because I got fat! I went from 123lbs to 183 lbs. Huge weight gain. Because of the weight gain came low self esteem, no libido seriously who would want to cuddle up with that every night. So he never came to bed with me anymore, stopped talking to me, started working late and just plain checked out. Never once talking to me about it. The depression just gets worse. Right now I think i need another med check because my legs are swelling so badly I can hardly walk, not sleeping, but then tired all day, hair hasn't started to fall out yet...WHEW!! Constantly boiling hot to the point of embarrassing. I do know that Hypo may have wrecked my relationship but if it was a strong relationship from the getgo he would never have left. I'm better off without him. Oh, I have lost most of my weight once our relationship ended no special diet just removed the stress in my life and unfortunately looks like he was my stress and reason for the weight gain.I know this is old, but came across it while I was searching for information. I have all of the symptoms of hypo but the numbers aren't sufficiently bad that anyone will treat me. My partner of two years did the same thing to me after I gained 50 lbs. during the course of our relationship. Never said a thing about it, just cut me off. He only admitted it during our breakup phone conversation when I asked him point blank.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 30, 2009
    • 04:53 PM
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  • I was misdiagnosed Bipolar and it really my thyroid and adrenal problems tricked doctors into misdiagnosing me Bipolar for 10 years, unstabilized thyroid problems are only worsened by Psych meds. Try to help her please. She needs medical helps, not psychiatric. I have been there and recovered. quote=Superdave5481;180968]YES, I beleive it to be true! My wife has already been diagnosed with it and has subsequently gone off the deep end and ruined our marriage, kidnapped our kids, ran to over 365 miles away, and now we are in the middle of a divorce. She has had ever increasing irrational thought patterns and irritability associated with it. In other words, she went nuts. I suspect that she may also be bipolar. I have been hurt by her actions and had to take some initiative to her actions, so I filed first, She filed in the county where she fled to and unfortunatly filed with some very false allegations of domestic violence and mental abuse to her and our children. None of which is true. I am very hurt over this and have a lot to overcome to win this in court. Luckly, I have video of her outbursts and several audio recordings of our phone calls. The story is really telling, the inconsistancies are very prevelant. So, YES, it is true that hypothyroidism is the cause of our marital problems.
    hashigirl11 6 Replies
    • August 31, 2009
    • 01:41 AM
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  • Thank you everyone for writing on this topic. I really needed to hear feedback. I am in a new relationship with a man with hypothyroid and it is going untreated right now. When we first started seeing each other he said he was "semi-medicated", but for the last month or so he has been totally off synthroid and it seems like his demeanor and sensitivity and attitude toward me has totally changed. He has gotten kind of mean and almost uncaring. It is really bothering me but he goes to his doctor this week and goes back on meds, so i am going to try and hang in there. I am very confused because i don't know if he is playing games or being an a**h**e or really just messed up by his lack of meds. it seems as if he still wants a relationship, but he's making me crazy....do i give him a chance ???? i would like to. thanks
    erobertson 1 Replies
    • November 12, 2009
    • 02:56 PM
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  • i've been really depressed lately and have had noooo sex drive whatsoever. i've been really tired and irritable and it's been putting a huuge stress on me and my boyfriend's relationship. i finally researched it and found that i had about 90% of the symptoms of hypothyroidism and i'm going to the doctor later this month to get it tested. honestly, i hope i do have it so that i can get medication and be treated for it. my depression, irritability and low libido has nearly ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, and i don't want it to end the way your relationship did. i'm sorry about it, but i understand. it's a hard thing to deal with.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 22, 2009
    • 05:37 AM
    • 0
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  • Thanks everyone for the posts i've been finding them really useful. I was diagnosed with autoimmune hypothyrodism about 2 months ago and have had very severe symptoms for at least a year and not as severe symptoms for a number of years previously. I am only 25 and got married earlier this year and moved in with my now husband about a year ago. I'm very grateful to my husband for sticking with me even through all the yelling and crying, him having to drag me out of bed in the morning and having to do all of the house work. My dr currently has me on a low dose (i upped it myself about a week ago) and i'm due to go for another blood test next week to see how its going (even though i've only been on synthetic thyroid hormone for about 3 weeks at a dose of 50mg and about 2 weeks of 100mg which i upped to 150mg- is my dr moving too slow?), i'm not expecting much as i still feel awful and whilst i have noticed a slight improvement it hasn't been any where near enough to make me feel like normal (i'm not sure i remember/know what that is particularly since the changes occurred around the same time as the bodies normal teenage changes).I think it is great to hear the level of commitment that some people have for their loved ones that are suffering from this without treatment and think it is sad that they will push you away when you are showing you care. I can completely understand this though. At my lowest point, which was prior to my wedding, i was constantly getting angry with my now husband, yelling and crying and i'm not going to lie whilst i loved him so much i frequently contemplated not going through with the wedding because i felt so horrible, i hated everything and felt he was cruel for not understanding what i was going through and not being sympathetic when it was so difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I was constantly wondering whether i was doing the right thing being in the relationship and whether we were supposed to be together. I am so glad i am now getting treatment and i cant wait to find out what it feels like to be normal again. My relationship with my husband is improving and i'm finding i have more happy days then unhappy.For anyone who has the symptoms of hypothyroidism please go and get help, which may not be easy, i went to at least 10 drs in the past year trying to get someone to listen. One dr in that time did test my TSH levels but nothing further came from it because it was in the normal range. If your relationship with someone you once loved has suffered due to this disease, get help and then once you feel better maybe try to see if that connection is still there (some people do move on i get it, but especially if that person was there for you at your worst, i think you should at least try to see if you still have those feelings you once had) maybe it was just the disease and maybe with treatment you can manage to hold onto your relationship.Most of all i want to say a huge thank you to my husband for putting up with it all. And i think the rest of the people out there suffering from this (especially if you're untreated) should be very appreciative of those around them because it isn't easy not for us and not for the people who we take our grumpy, tired mood swings out on.Good luck to all of you out there with this problem, and congratulations to all of you dealing with it even semi successfully for so long.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 28, 2009
    • 09:53 AM
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