Discussions By Condition: Sexual conditions

Wanting a baby, or greif over misscarrage?

Posted In: Sexual conditions 2 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • May 17, 2007
  • 02:18 PM

I am female, 19 years old, engaged to my partner of 3 1/2 years who is a month older than me. We live together in our house, financially stable and in a very solid relationship. We have both been through college, passed our exams and in the careers we want to be in.
However, a year 4months ago i had an unplanned pregnancy and misscarried, when i was 18. i felt totally guilty.
A week ago a close mate told me she was pregnant (unplanned, relationship of 4months and she'd getting rid). i know i'm supposed to support her an all, but all i find is i'm totally jealous of her.
We want kids someday but we're only just off the base in our careers. is it too soon?
Also i had the injection after misscarreing last year as i didn't want to end up trying to replace the lost baby. is it the same emotions now that have been brought back by my mate being pregnant?
And finally, i know 19 seems young, but i'm only a few months of 20 and 20-30 are the best years for concieving. if i wait will i miss my chance altogether?
I have spoken to my partner about this, but we are unable to come to a descision and don't want to make the wrong one.

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2 Replies:

  • if the two of your are financially sound and are truley ready for the life changing event of haveing kids then i think there is no wrong descision. I am sure you are feeling some strong emotions toward the fact that your friend is preg. but you must really think about how a baby will change your life. You can always keep waiting until you are truley sure. I think even though there is no wrong descision that if it was truly the right time both you and your partner would both agree to have a child becuase the time felt right for both of you
    pixie009 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • Dear LassI'd consult with your OBGYN to make sure that all is healed from the miscarriage. There's no use getting yourself all worked up if you are not yet physically ready to concieve. That being said - you might try setting a wedding date first, say 18 months from now, as it's better for any child to be raised in a loving two parent home. Having future plans should help with the anxiety of making such a life-altering decision. I am of the opinion that people who want multiple children should start in their early 20's-right out of college. It's way easier to recover physically, and career-wise when you are young. Think about this: A 37 year old employee at a company for 12 years goes off on maternity leave for 6-9 months. She's making top salary, full benefits. You know her boss will try to replace her with a cheaper, younger employee. Young people are expected to bounce around the job market a bit with gaps in their employment histories. A 37 year old does not even dare take too many sick days for fear of being let go (I know I'm 43). We waited untill 25 for the first, then 31 for the 2nd. The career and physical limitations left no time for the 3rd that we had planned on. Now is the best time to be a mom. God and nature used to make the decision for us before birth control. What you are feeling may be a manifestation of that very thing.Hope this helps
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
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