Okay, here goes. I am 29 years old and my husband is 28. We have only been married seven months but have been together about three years. The first couple months of our relationship, we had a really decent sexual relationship. Sometimes it was AWESOME! Then, gradually it just sort of tapered off. He has a history of drug abuse and relapsed. He was using some really bad drugs. Thankfully he has been clean now for two years. I thought that useage of drugs was what may have had a factor in the beginning but after being clean for this long I would think that it would be back to normal!!??
My hubby can get an erection sometimes and it lasts for oral sex. But just to get turned on and have sex, it never happens. We arehaving sex like maybe only once a month. This is really hurting me in many ways. Emotionally it makes me feel horible and I am sure that it has some effect on him too. I have low self-esteem even though I am told daily by my hubby and others that I am Hot, but this defiintaley doesn't make me feel so hot. I feel like crap, like I am not attractive, and that there is something wrong with me. He seems to have no sexual desire at all.
He tells me everyday how much he loves me and everything. For the most part I would describe our relationship as perfect, but there just isn't any sex in our relationship. I cannot be happy like that. It is destoying me. I am not trying to be petty or whatever cuz I know that in a way that it sounds like that, it's just that I want to feel like my husband loves me and desires me. There is a strog emotional tie for women and sex and without the sex, I feel like the emotional bond isn't what it should be. Plus, I just like sex. I have never had a sucky sexual relationship before and I do not know how to deal with it.
I feel so self conscious now that I do not even try to initiate it anymore. He has rejected me many times because he knows that "it" will not get hard. I mean, It really sucks to buy sexy lingerie and parade around in it and get no reaction!!! I mean his mouth drops and he is like" GOD, you are so hott!" But THATS IT! And I KNOW that I am not ugly (logically I know this-I have won several pageants and my pic was used couple times for photography advertisements) but I sure feel NASTY and UGLY because I cannot get my husband to touch me. And I had an eating disorder really bad at one time (now I just eat healthy and exercise and still have a good figure) and I have caught myself wanting to return to those habits due to the fact that this situation feels out of my control and I feel gross.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep. Please help me!