I am really worried about HIV testing. Tomorrow I am going to try and set up an appointment because this worrying is killing me. There are two incidents I'm really worried about and both occurred over 8 months ago. I was going through a really rough point in my life and was making really terrible decisions like hooking up with people after I'd been drinking. Consequently, I had two "one night stands." The first one I am 99.9 percent sure that we used a condom. But I remember him waking me up during the night trying to have sex with me. He asked me if I used birth control and I told him no so I THINK he put on a condom. Like I said I'm 99.9 percent sure but there's this part of my mind that says I can't be 100% because I was intoxicated AND it was a while ago.
The second occasion was when I was hooking up with this guy, just making out. Eventually we started having unprotected sex but stopped because we decided it was unsafe. In total, he was probably inside of me for thirty seconds. I didn't know him very well either.
These decisions were stupid and have continued to haunt me because that is so unlike my normal behavior. I've never done that before and haven't done it since but for some reason, nearly a year later, I am SO paranoid that I have HIV. It's gotten really bad to the point where I feel depressed and am convinced that I have it. I hope someone can see me tomorrow.
I haven't had any really worrying symptoms up until recently but those could most definitely be due to stress as I've been stressing about it the whole week. Tonight after thinking about this all day, I, of course, remember that after I had sex with the first guy, I did get sick a few days later. I remember thinking it was due to the weather change- going from extremely hot temperatures to a cool, air-conditioned house, and thought absolutely nothing of it. Other than that, no symptoms but I know that doesn't mean I don't have HIV.
I am so worried and cannot calm myself down. I really just need some support. Thank you.