Ok this is kind of embarassing but Im just going to say it. Im a 20 year old middle-class guy.
I've been contemplating if Im straight, gay, or bisexual. How I kno if I am or not. What its best for me to be, or if maybe my personality is just similar to alot of gays or bisexuals. My mind is constantly racing around especially since my family would be so unconcious of my mental wanderings...
My family is pretty much normal. My parents got divorced when I was 3 and I lived with my mother ever since. I never had many friends, I've always been looked at as kind of a wimp. Im small and skinny but Im pretty built, I never really got beat up but I got in alot of fights, usually I came out on top. I even kind of despise alot of guys and enjoy the fights a little bit, probably cause Im angry that Im so confused with my ***n self. Yet girls think I'm attractive and I've had many girlfriends compared to few male friends. I think I've had one good male friend my entire life and few male associates other then school partners or people i studied with.
N E Ways... Ever since middle school gym I've had fantasies of being with a guy. Only cute guys though. I think we all can tell if a guy is somewhat good looking or not even if you know your straight so that never helps much. I have real vivid dreams and a concious want to perform oral and anal sex with another guy, and I have a sexy girlfriend who loves me and pays alot of attention to me, but my mind still seems to wander and I cant stop it. When Im at home I cant sleep so I visit gay or bisexual ***n sites to satisfy myself. I know it seems stupid but i cant stop and I dont know what to do. Is it just a need to expirement or is it normal or am I gay what is it.
Anyways when I was 15 I got drunk at a friends house and we ended up watching a pornographic movie which was kind of lame. N E Ways next thing I know were both naked and Im giving him oral sex and enjoying it. Then anal sex. I was the receiver, but I thought it was abnormal when he would do neither for me. But I had enjoyed it shouldnt he enjoy it??? Or am I jus noticably homosexual and he just took advantage of me being intoxicated. I havent told anybody this so I dont know, and the guy avoided me since that day, we only talked briefly one other time and he acted like it never happened and I could sense he felt embarassed even looking at me. wow. Should I just control my urges or is it something more than that and I should just et nature run its course. I have nobody to talk to about this not even my counselor so please someone help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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