Discussions By Condition: Other Conditions

Debating... Am I Gay?

Posted In: Other Conditions 2 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • October 15, 2007
  • 07:11 AM

Ok this is kind of embarassing but Im just going to say it. Im a 20 year old middle-class guy.

I've been contemplating if Im straight, gay, or bisexual. How I kno if I am or not. What its best for me to be, or if maybe my personality is just similar to alot of gays or bisexuals. My mind is constantly racing around especially since my family would be so unconcious of my mental wanderings...

My family is pretty much normal. My parents got divorced when I was 3 and I lived with my mother ever since. I never had many friends, I've always been looked at as kind of a wimp. Im small and skinny but Im pretty built, I never really got beat up but I got in alot of fights, usually I came out on top. I even kind of despise alot of guys and enjoy the fights a little bit, probably cause Im angry that Im so confused with my ***n self. Yet girls think I'm attractive and I've had many girlfriends compared to few male friends. I think I've had one good male friend my entire life and few male associates other then school partners or people i studied with.

N E Ways... Ever since middle school gym I've had fantasies of being with a guy. Only cute guys though. I think we all can tell if a guy is somewhat good looking or not even if you know your straight so that never helps much. I have real vivid dreams and a concious want to perform oral and anal sex with another guy, and I have a sexy girlfriend who loves me and pays alot of attention to me, but my mind still seems to wander and I cant stop it. When Im at home I cant sleep so I visit gay or bisexual ***n sites to satisfy myself. I know it seems stupid but i cant stop and I dont know what to do. Is it just a need to expirement or is it normal or am I gay what is it.

Anyways when I was 15 I got drunk at a friends house and we ended up watching a pornographic movie which was kind of lame. N E Ways next thing I know were both naked and Im giving him oral sex and enjoying it. Then anal sex. I was the receiver, but I thought it was abnormal when he would do neither for me. But I had enjoyed it shouldnt he enjoy it??? Or am I jus noticably homosexual and he just took advantage of me being intoxicated. I havent told anybody this so I dont know, and the guy avoided me since that day, we only talked briefly one other time and he acted like it never happened and I could sense he felt embarassed even looking at me. wow. Should I just control my urges or is it something more than that and I should just et nature run its course. I have nobody to talk to about this not even my counselor so please someone help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

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2 Replies:

  • hey, I see no one answered you. I just wanted to offer my opinion. I think regardless of anything, be yourself do what feels right to you. But, perhaps you need to explore it more to see which way you tend to lean. If you have the urges towards guys, perhaps break up with your girl for a while and try dating guys and see how it feels to you. Life is TOO short to be unhappy or to live a life that may not be whats right for you, do some soul searching and figure yourself out. I know its probably easier said than done, but give it a try. Perhaps some couseling wouldnt hurt to have someone to talk about it with.Best regards! Hang in there, were all human regardless of our orientation!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 2, 2007
    • 11:38 PM
    • 0
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  • Well now, first off, you are young. I think your one romp in the hay when you were drunk was a young kid's experimentation. I would disregard it as meaning nothing meaningful. The guy took advantage of a drunk kid, likewise, he would take advantage of a drunk girl, too, most likely. The guy just wanted to be satisfied and didn't care anything about you, so now you know how not to treat someone, whatever gender you end up with. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with not having sex and just discovering who you are and where your interest lay. It sounds to me that you are making decisions about your future, yet you have no answers. I think you should get busy with your life and build a career for yourself. Begin by making a foundation for your future career. Go to school, get advanced training, learn a trade, whatever, so you don't screw up your life making a dumb choice when you are twenty. You could regret this decision, and it could cost you your life and cause you profound pain and suffering, along with the people who care about you.Now, if, after you stop obsessing that you have to make a decision right now, you decide you want to live the life of a gay man the rest of your life, then do it in style, with grace and dignity...not some nasty drunken decision. Be upfront and honest with your relationships, honoring yourself and your partner...don't do it unless you love the person...don't just have sex to have sex and be a ****e. Love the person, man or woman....respect yourself above all. Create the person who someone would love to love and that begins by focusing on your career, developing your interests, having safe sex at all times until you are wedded and broadening your inner circle of close personal friends.
    Monsterlove 2921 Replies
    • December 13, 2007
    • 07:41 AM
    • 0
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