Discussions By Condition: Nerve conditions

My wife needs help

Posted In: Nerve conditions 5 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • January 4, 2011
  • 00:09 AM

I have been married for almost 5 years now. My wife and I have two children: a two year old and a two month old. My wife has been a stay at home mom for two years now. Over the past year she has really started neglecting her motherly and wife duties. Example: I came home from work around noon today and she was still in bed. My two year old was locked in his room crying. She had not been up with him at all. No breakfast or new diaper. This is happening more and more. Everytime I come home he is locked in his room with a disney movie playing to occupy him and she is in the bedroom either asleep or playing on the computer. She no longer cleans the house or cooks. She is short with everyone including her parents and mine. If you ask if there is something wrong it becomes a fight. Our church has a mothers morning out program Monday - Friday that is free yet she stopped taking my son to it. His development has really started to slow. I noticed that he is far behind other children his age. My other son is in the NICU. He was born with some issues and that has only made the problem worse. I am lost as to what to do. I think she is depressed but she refuses to talk about anything. I am worried about the well being of my son now. Some friends have suggested me get a divorce, but that can not be the answer. What do I do?

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5 Replies:

  • Do not get a divorce! That is not a helpful or healthful thing for your wife. However, something needs to change..with the way that your son is cared for. Was your wife taking drugs at all during her pregnancy? Am just thinking that was a possiblity for the new baby to be in the hospital? But maybe not? Is your boy actually "locked" in his room, to where that he can't get out of his room even to be with his mom? You are totaly right to be concerned for your son. He should be fed and changed, and interacted with. I will say that I am not a doctor...BUT... I have had depression....NOT, to the degree that I have stopped caring for my children~meaning physicallly. My youngest son, is severely autistic..he is now eleven...and has never spoke a word. When he was about two years old, and we were unaware of the autism, things became extremely difficult for me...as he didn't sleep well, sometimes, not at all. I was exhausted. My house went from spotless, to messy. And I felt like a totally different person...and not in a good way either. Dont leave your wife. She needs your help. Depression is a terrible thing to deal with. She cannot help what is happening. But you can help. Insist that she see a doctor. And threaten her....I know sounds really bad....but tell her that you will take the babies and leave if she doesnt see a doctor. That should atleast make her wake up and get in to see what he says. She has to know that she is depressed as well. Tell her that she is a great mother...and wife... but she needs to care for herself and get well...so thatshe can concentrate on her duties as wife and mother. Good luck to you. I will hope that all works out for your familly.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 2, 2011
    • 11:32 AM
    • 0
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  • It sounds to me like your wife has classic postnatal depression (PND). THis is very common and she needs medical help... please search online for this PND issue and learn about it. Many many woman suffer from it after childbirth, it is extremely common. Best of luck.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I have been married for almost 5 years now. My wife and I have two children: a two year old and a two month old. My wife has been a stay at home mom for two years now. Over the past year she has really started neglecting her motherly and wife duties. Example: I came home from work around noon today and she was still in bed. My two year old was locked in his room crying. She had not been up with him at all. No breakfast or new diaper. This is happening more and more. Everytime I come home he is locked in his room with a disney movie playing to occupy him and she is in the bedroom either asleep or playing on the computer. She no longer cleans the house or cooks. She is short with everyone including her parents and mine. If you ask if there is something wrong it becomes a fight. Our church has a mothers morning out program Monday - Friday that is free yet she stopped taking my son to it. His development has really started to slow. I noticed that he is far behind other children his age. My other son is in the NICU. He was born with some issues and that has only made the problem worse. I am lost as to what to do. I think she is depressed but she refuses to talk about anything. I am worried about the well being of my son now. Some friends have suggested me get a divorce, but that can not be the answer. What do I do?definately serious depression..probably post partem and prbably made worse by having a baby in NICU..talk to the doctors and nurses in the NICU..They will be very knowlegeable about these issues because they are educated about the terrible stress having a very sick baby has on postprtum mothers,fathers,marriages,families etc..they will be able to steer you to help or even intervene and help her directly..the mental health of the parents is important to them because it directly impacts their tiny patient
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I agree what the others have said, it sounds like severe post natal depression and if it is, it isnt your wifes fault... she's ill and needs support with it and treatment. It sounds like she also needs support with the kids as she's currently unfit to be looking after them. I think you need to arrange to put those kids into some care while you are at work (ones with PND if they arent caring about their children may harm themselves and could harm the children if they are too much for them to handle. There is a possibility she could be leaving the children in their own rooms for their protection if she's feeling very unstable). She may be completely unable to care.. so you are going to have to do all the caring for her, till she's well. If she is very bad (which it sounds she is as she truely isnt caring about anything) and refuses to seek treatment.. you and her family could have her committed to get treated. Try to convince her thou to seek help thou first (and I suggest for you to be involved in that and go with her).
    taniaaust1 2267 Replies Flag this Response
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    beloBlenula 60 Replies Flag this Response
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