At this point in life im so frustrated but sad, this is kinda just a jist of some of the things
well ive been depressed for about 4 years now, im 19 now, it gets worse every year because theres always something more that happens to upset me alot, in public and infront of all my friends i always keep a smile on my face act how i normally do im really social and open and i have lots of freinds becuz ive been to 4 different high schools, but when im at home alone i get depressed.
i hate my life so much i use to get bullied becuase i have big ears and a big nose and life was so bad everyday, i hated gonig in public even living was bad, i started doing drugs and smoking and drinkign at the end of grade 9, i thought it might help, it made me happier form time to time knowing i could smoke weed and do exctasy and all that and make me " escape" finally in grade 10 i decided to cut all the crap with bullying, so i ended up eventually getting expelled for fights, my expulsion at my first high skool was me bringing a hammer to school in my bag and i wacked this kid across his cheek in the middle of science class.
i was then out of skool for a half a year becuz i was gonig through i dont need skool phase. then i went another high school, started growing out my hair to cover my ears after a semester we moved away from my city and now i live a half hour drive form there. now life here is fine, no one has started fights with me the year ive lived here, im 19 now and i still need one more semester in high skool so ive been in skool for like 5 years now, i absolutely hate the way i look, god doenst pity me becuz even when i straighten my hair its super curly so it tends to **** up all the time, i think my appearnace is the thing that bugs me the most, ive been 155 pounds all my life, ive never had a relationship thats lasted longer then 3 months, most of the girls ive met have dumped me with in a couple weeks,
my family is terrbile, my sisters are ok there both older they help we when they can mom is ok to my parents are old fashioned from the middle east and dont understand jack all, my dad is the worst, regardless off him knowing i have big ears he wants me to cut my hair short, hes strict and yells at me everyday, i have a half brother that he loves more and constantly gives money to, my dad doesnt even give me a dolalr a day, i recently quit my job at boston pizza becuz i ended up flipping out on my manager becuz he was speaking rudely to me, ive worked 3 places in my life, everyday i get yelled at for not having a job, over the past couple months ive been a total alcholholic drinkign everyday
and now im deciding to cut myself becuz my friend tells me it helps