HI, I was first diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2003 when I was 16. 6 years later I have now been told I have major depressive disorder with chronic anxiety. I have also been told I have psychomotor retardation.
For years I have taken different types of anti deperessants. 6 different types of SSRI and 1 MAOI. None of these have helped me. I have seen 3 different psychiatrists but discharged myself from the last one because she was controlling everything I did and trying to get my children taken away from me.
I see my Dr regularly even though I don't like to and have just fininshed a computer cognitive behavioural therapy course. I'm due to start group therapy for anxiety management soon but the thought is scaring me to death.
Every night when I go to sleep I say my goodbyes in my head because I'm convinced I'm not going to wake up in the morning. I spend my days on the interent looking up things about death. I know this won't help my paranoia but I can't help it. I'm obsessed with death.
I have bad spending habits. I can be overdrawn on my bank balance but still spend a lot of money on the internet on things I really don't need.
I can't have the curtains open in my house because people stare in at me.
There is a man who haunts me in my dreams. he tries to hurt me and this scares me a lot also. Sometimes he is there when I am awake too.
I don't know what to do, I feel I've tried every medical option available so my question is...what now?
Am I ever going to be free of this?