I am just turning 16, and attend high school.
For the past while (I can't say for sure) maybe 1-2 years, I have been feeling very confused, and sometimes depressed. It seems my mood can go from nonstop talking and making conversation to totally feeling like dirt and not wanting to be around anyone in class within a matter of hours.
I feel paranoid sometimes, but I'm not sure if it is normal or not, seems lately I can't distinguish normal from un-normal. I have had thoughts of being watched, in class, I feel very uncomfortable if having to sit still and quiet in the middle or front of the room where people can see me, and I can't see them. I have also had thoughts of being watched through my blinds, or thoughts of being watched by a hidden camera in my room (on rare occasions).
I feel confused a lot, I don't feel like the person I used to be. Over the past 2 years or so I have mostly been locked up in my room playing online video games, and I didn't go out with friends very often (I was deffinatley addicted, whether it was from my feelings, or the lack of socialness caused this im not sure) I have since started going out more and doing the things I used to enjoy, but feelings still persist.
I feel sometimes my memory is bad, and feel it is hard to think clearly if solving mathematical problems like I used to (is this normal, math does get harder over time, through each grade right? lol)
During the hard times (when I feel like crap) I will have a low self-esteem, I feel lonly too sometimes. My dad moved away 4 years ago, 2500KM away, and my brother went to live with him a year ago. My mom has also has had a boyfriend for the past 3 years, and she seems to spend a lot more time with him then she does me. Then there is just me and my thoughts.
I seem to feel more sociable and comfortable with socializing with less sleep, often only getting 6 hours sleep a night for many days in a row. Sleeping at night isn't exactly easy sometimes, I feel if I fall asleep, that's quicker the school day is going to come.
I feel like an outcast, when in a bad stage, and feel people think I'm weird, when really I know I'm normal on the outside, and it all has to be in my head. I am a fairly popular guy, good amount of reliable, trusting friends.
Any comments, questions, suggestions greatly appreciated. thanks.
Might think of other stuff later that I will add..
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