Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

What could this mental disorder be?

Posted In: Mental conditions 3 Replies
  • Posted By: concernedfriend0205
  • June 10, 2009
  • 06:56 AM

My best friend has recently shown signs of having an acute mental health problem. The best way to describe it is by saying that he created an unreal relationship with a girl. He saw her in class and started to text her hundreds of times a day and she would respond. He had never spoken to this girl in person and they never texted about anything of substance. After about three days of this, he claimed to be so passionately in love with a girl that he didn't know at all. She was interested in someone else and didn't want to talk to him anymore. Its about two months later and it is 2a.m. He just told me that he missed her so much he couldn't think about anything else and he didn't know how he would make it through the summer. Keep in mind that he never actually talked to this girl. What could this mean? Any help would be wonderful.

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  • Post (1) of (2) My best friend has recently shown signs of having an acute mental health problem. The best way to describe it is by saying that he created an unreal relationship with a girl. He saw her in class and started to text her hundreds of times a day and she would respond. He had never spoken to this girl in person and they never texted about anything of substance. After about three days of this, he claimed to be so passionately in love with a girl that he didn't know at all. She was interested in someone else and didn't want to talk to him anymore. Its about two months later and it is 2a.m. He just told me that he missed her so much he couldn't think about anything else and he didn't know how he would make it through the summer. Keep in mind that he never actually talked to this girl. What could this mean? Any help would be wonderful. Hi there ... I'm understanding that the "girl" is actually a real person; it appears apparent that he must have, at some point and time ... at least initially ... communicated with this girl face-to-face (either vocally or with an in-person note exchange, perhaps?), given the fact that an information exchange was necessary for the text messaging to begin. It sounds as though via text messaging, some type of relationship was indeed taking place between the two of them; a bit unrealistic perhaps, and it sounds as though it may have just been "something to pass the time" for the girl ... but your friend took it to heart. As your post reads, they initiated this "habitual texting" for a time upon meeting in person, attending the same class together. Which leads me to assume they did see each other in person on a very regular basis, in class, although ... perhaps ... they only communicated via text messaging (strange and unorthodox, but not really 'conclusively evident' enough to suggest an "acute mental health problem" ... so you can most likely rest on that and regain some peace by knowing that). However ... it does appear that there are clearly some psychological struggles ... on both parts; that of your friend and that of the girl. For whatever reason, they both chose to continue with the texting for such a considerable length of time, having never developed a friendship or relationship in person ... suggesting that both felt "safer" in conducting their relationship (of whatever nature it/that was) via text messaging. In lieu of mental illness ... this suggests more along the lines of low self-esteem, lack of adequate relationship skills and/or verbal and in-person communication skills ... probably based on personal fears thereof (perhaps lack of experience as well). On the part of your friend, it sounds as though the expectations were a bit unrealistic ... that a relationship or friendship could grow or be founded solely upon the limitations that are obvious via text messaging, only ... being established, with nothing further initiated to build the friendship or foundation for any nature/type of relations with the lady. Perhaps your friend is very shy; if not typically, perhaps only as matters pertain to intimacy or "heart matters" with the opposite sex. Sounds as though the texting may have been the extent of which your friend wanted, desperately, to believe he could get by with such minimal "closeness" and maintain relations ... perhaps even feeling relieved to need so little to achieve such (distancing himself via the limitations of text messaging) ... perhaps the girl as well, perhaps not. Lastly, by finding such a "comfort zone" and with the obvious self-deception that your friend appears to have experienced ... as this was ongoing, perhaps he came to believe that this type of relationship ... although different ... was also very meaningful and important to him, providing the willingness to simply accept things as they were in lieu of no relationship at all. Loneliness, perhaps; insecurity, perhaps; low self-esteem, perhaps; shyness, perhaps; intimacy fears, perhaps; poor personal/interpersonal communication skills, lack thereof, or fears due to inexperience ... perhaps. Regardless, this ... alone ... I don't see as significant reason to suspect a mental condition ... however, it strongly suggests emotional and psychological problems/fears/insecurities that should be addressed, no doubt! Also ... the obsessive tendencies; believing that such was so real ... on such a minimal basis with no other indications for any realistic founding or growth to build any substancial or solid relationship/friendship/other with this other individual, the girl, aside from these text messages and "sightings" that indicate no "in-person communications" when those took place. The concern, in my humble opinion, is the amount of grief and heartfelt loss that your friend is experiencing now that this "whatever it was" has now ended. Apparently, somewhere in his heart ... he believed that this 'relationship' was grounded on a firmly established and healthy basis, with the potential to continue as it was ... indefinitely, or perhaps even permanantly; so much so ... that he continues to obsess over "what was" ... which really sounds as though it wasn't at all, leading me to feel that he obsessed about this texting, convincing himself that this was some nature of a "relationship" ... and is now being faced with the truth and the reality of the situation, which leaves him in deep despair. For your friend ... grieving is important, to a point. The focus, in my humble opinion, needs to be turned on him ... by him ... and address the true and real underlying issues here. Those being, why was he willing to continue so long with relations limited only to text messaging? Why did he come to believe that these messages meant more than simply ... on the girl's part ... a passing of time (boredom even). School is out now, she ended the texting ... she obviously has plans. Your friend needs to get some activities established as well. Also, it is important that he recognized by, with, about, and within himself ... how he came to get himself ... and his emotions ... into this unrealistic place to begin with; I'm sure he does not want to re-experience this or similar. It is important that he forget the girl's part and focus on his own ... later, then ... he will have the ability to decide how and by what means his future relationships should be initiated, developed, maintained, and not fall into similar again. Also, it sounds like some decisions need to be made on your friend's part; those that pertain to boundaries ... especially with regard to his own self-respect, so that others are not allowed to "have their way" without him recognizing it and assertively addressing it/those things for his own self-preservation. It appears that the girl was only "passing time" until "better things to do" came along. Otherwise, this relationship would have evolved into one which is more realistic. Emotionally and psychologically ... your friend needs to "let go" and put this behind him. If he cannot ... there "could be" some obsessive-compulsive disorder at work; if that is the case, it is, most likely ... due to the above-mentioned. I suggest cognitive therapy; it will provide your friend with self-awarenesses ... along with solutions; the automatic thought patterns that led your friend to this place of grief need to be challenged and changed. If this situation is the only indicator of problems (of which, by all means, yes ... this is a chronic problem that does, in fact, need to be addressed), I would not resign to any idea that he suffers from a mental illness or disorder in/of which prescribed medications may be indicative ... not at this point, with only this one experience posing as the only indicator. However, given the duration ... the impact, the severity, and the unrealistic belief system that this situation reflects ... your friend needs to work on himself, as this does prove chronic. Another side-effect of these "inner-self" emotional problems can cause relationship addictions to develop as well, in/of variable nature(s) ... should these problems remain unaddressed and continue to evolve into future relations ... with the many countless manifestations of which those "smaller and unnoticed" behaviors may appear with time, and continue to fester and/or worsen. The bottom line, and main point being: Cognitive Therapy would do wonders for your friend, in my humble opinion. My suggestion is that he begin with a workbook (cognitive talk therapy is very expensive; further, the sessions are too short to get more optimal results ... and lastly, your friend may not be in more of a crisis than that of which a workbook would suffice. With time, this will all become clear if more help is needed ... or if further consultation(s) would prove helpful). If you need more information about this, I will direct you to another thread; there, I posted the details. Post (1) of (2)
    neurotransmissing 145 Replies Flag this Response
  • Post (2) of (2) Try not to worry; at this point ... unless there is more ... your friend appears to have the ability and resources to change this cycle ... along with his perception of self and all that is involved which reflects good emotional health overall. Most importantly ... he must do this for himself, he must also DESIRE to do this FOR HIMSELF. Nobody can do this for him. It must be an independent decision that your friend makes by himself and for himself once he is introduced to the concepts. He must be willing and make a conscious decision to follow through. There is nobody that can help one that does not help oneself ... that's a universal rule of thumb. As for you, do what you can ... then detach from this particular situation until/unless your friend initiates help for himself and follows through. In short, simply set your own boundary ... firmly but lovingly communicating to your friend that you find this topic unhealthy and refuse to further indulge in conversation(s) that pertain (I'm sure nobody desires to "enable" these behaviors by allowing it/them to continue ... further feeding the "dis-ease" which only serves to "feed" this problem on your friend's part, instead of addressing it). Also, talk is cheap (as your friend ?may? now have learned, I hope). The truth is in a person's actions ... observe. Overall, a person's character is radiated ... NOT ... by what they say ... but by their choices, their ACTIONS, what they DO, how they RELATE TO OTHERS, and how they FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES. Observe carefully ... in simply recognizing these simple facts, your friend will be able to discern people much more clearly. Nobody needs to "immediately jump in" to friendships or relations with others ... for healthy relations to develop, and to attain the ability to discern those that are trustworthy, and also possess the qualities of character we personally strive for and wish to have in our lives ... it takes time. TIME WELL SPENT, I assure you. Post (2) of (2) - END -
    neurotransmissing 145 Replies Flag this Response
  • Google the behavioral effects of chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation, and then try to get him to get rid of his cell phone before it causes additional non-thermal biological effects. Hi blaze, I'm interested in your take here; let's say that these problems are caused by "chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation." Which now brings us to the starting point for exploring this possibility, obviously. Further ...I'm understanding that you are communicating here, that this young man's potential "chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation" could be the reason for this "situational happening" with the girl, and the resulting obsessions/grief issues ... which, in the event of such an exposure, would have taken place due to the behavioral effects consequential to this potential, being ..."chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation"? Am I understanding correctly? What type of damage are you referring to, as far as this young man's physical body? "Behavioral effects" cover quite a huge spectrum of possibilities ... so are you saying that if, in fact, he was exposed ... there are now physical liabilities due to said exposure that are causing the behavioral effects you believe this young man may have (being obvious, that these behavioral effects are due to damage of some nature ... if this exposure could be the case)? Specifically, what is the type(s) and/or nature(s) that are potential in this case, given the behavioral problems ... being potential physical locations on/in his physical body that would obviously be damaged ... as I'm understanding? Within the Brain? White Matter? Gray Matter? Myelin? Lymph System?Tissue (muscle, skin, etc.)? Chemical/Hormonal? Bacterial?Pulmonary?Respiratory?Viral?Circulatory?Cellular?Pulmonary?CNS-Neurotransmission/Messaging Complications Overall?Brain/Body Signaling Interference? Of what nature could that damage, of which you imply such a possibility consist of? In addition, given the obvious fact of life; we all, each and every one of us, have/has/will experience(d), as a norm, at one/some/other point and time in each and every one of our lives (especially ... and most commonly, within the age range of that as described in the original post), something "rather odd" ... some cases being even of worse degree(s); most-commonly concluded to be cognitive thinking issues coupled with those of esteem, being very-considerably-more difficult ages/years during development. (Independence, establishing relationships and social circles, initiating them, boy-girl development of interests, teen pressures, latter school years, starting a first job, getting driver's license/lessons ... etc., etc., etc. ... the list goes on.) So on that ... I question. Why do you feel the possibility that these young people would not encounter those/similar/same experiences, as well as so many similar via all of these newly-undertaken and overall commonly-known stats ... without this case also being legitimate per the norm and, instead ... perhaps, this "chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation" that you imply possible, when it is so far from the typical norm (of which, by the way ... is crucial to address in a healthy manner being a main staple of development)? Especially given only this one-single-sole situation ... of which to contemplate a basis for these expressed difficulties is comparably far more realistic, in my opinion? Facing all that these kids ... young adults ... are experiencing and facing during these years, I can't help but wonder what could go through their minds having read that ... being so fragile as they are attaining their identities moreso than ever during those years, as is apparent in this young man's case. So in this particular instance, I'm not understanding why "chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation" would come to mind as a rational direction to send this young man with so, so, soooo much more that to me ... is much more probable and common sense. Personally, what I see, is a young man that has hit a "roadblock" in his development that needs to be addressed, with appropriate support ... to insure healthy mental and emotional development necessary to attain the sense of responsibility that is, in fact, required of mature adults (even by Law) ... here in the Midwest, that age is 17! Which in my humble little opinion leaves very little room for distraction ... especially given these types of "roadblocks" that each and every one encounters. Please share about your, obviously, most-interesting contemplations that led you to feel so strongly ... as to conclude this "chronic exposure to electromagnetic/microwave radiation" as a likely-enough possibility in this young man's case to make it such an initial feedback. Although, I do believe this thread is dead anyway ... so I'm not concerned about these younger adults finding your information (it appeared to have closed upon the first reply, which was at length. If they do return, I'm sure we'll see the post. Looks like this thread was really pulled back into play from afar! Thanks! Most appreciated, and much interesting ... to say the least (of which I didn't manage that "least bit" today, now did I?! LOL) :rolleyes:
    neurotransmissing 145 Replies Flag this Response
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