I am a 20 year old male. I would like to know if some of my habits/feelings are contributed from just living normal life or something more serious (obviously I know I will need professional diagnosis to know for sure, but what are your thoughts). Sorry if this is a little long, but it would really mean a lot to me. My biggest fear of a potential problem lies in my moods, here is an example:
A lot of the time I would like to consider myself at a "normal", stable mood in my life. However, I sometimes go through weird phases (that I don't realize until later are weird). About 2 weeks ago I had absolutely no urge to go out or call any of my friends, and when they called me I would be very unrational and angry with them for very small issues. I had strong sexual desires, I ate a lot of food, I went to bed early and I woke up very early in the morning, much earlier than normal (and felt refreshed. I am a morning guy). However, I felt absolutely great in my mind. I felt like I was so consumed with my personal studies that I didn't have time for anyone else: I thought that if I could just learn one more thing I will discover the equivalent of the cure for cancer. I spent every waking minute drawing diagrams, researching, and writing
Then one morning I woke up thinking about my ex girlfriend from a year ago (who I maintain regular contact with since then and we are good friends). These thoughts consumed my whole day. I couldn't concentrate on my work and suddenly all the work I had done seemed entirely unimportant and pointless to me. My heart was constantly racing and I felt like complete crap. Strangely, I had very little sexual drive. My mind was constantly coming up with scenarios that she never really loved me and stuff like that. All I knew is that I needed this girl to be with me and I needed it immediately. I called her up told her we needed to hang out alone. She was on vacation and wouldn't be back until the weekend (it was Tuesday). That week these feelings stayed the same and I didn't sleep or eat almost anything. We finally hang out and I feel absolutely nothing. I make an excuse and drop her off very early. I was back to normal again for a few days.
Now here is more general stuff:
sometimes I go to parties and I am the life of the party. I can make everyone laugh and I have the most interesting stories.
Less often I go to parties and I wont say a single word to anyone. People always ask me "whats wrong?" Unfortunately, I have no idea what is wrong.
sometimes I get extremely disturbing thoughts like if I'm riding in the passenger seat with my friend, what if I just reached over and turned the wheel to oncoming traffic. However, I realize that these thoughts are really messed up and I feel extremely sad inside that I would ever think of these things, sometimes to the point of watering eyes.
I feel like people generally annoy me, and if you set me off I wont be able to calm these feelings down for sometimes days. Unfortunately, I am also known to get angry about the most seemingly pointless things.
I am convinced when I see people whispering that they are talking about me. Depending on how I feel at the moment, I know they are either talking about how cute I am or how something is wrong with me
It bothers me that I realize all of these things are retarded, but when I'm in the moment it doesn't really matter what I know or not, I am convinced how I feel is justified (until later I realize it isn't). Fortunately, I know I am in control enough not to do something REALLY stupid (never would consider suicide, etc). However, it makes it difficult to get close to people and keep friends.
To let you know, I feel similar today like described in the second half of the girl story and it has driven me to write this. I don't feel tired ever, never hungry, and I need to be around people all the time. Being alone just doesn't work right now. Lately my mood swings have been more intense and longer lasting (and more destructive to my daily life) than ever before
Does this sound like what I should expect just from living life or do you recommend I see a doctor?
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