Im almost 18 and in college - i get very stressed easily. i dont talk my family much anymore even though i live with them everyday. i try to keep away from them as much as possible bcuz i no i do their head in. sumitimes i like them and sumtimes i h8 them, but i can not say i love them that much anymore. I SH and have been for 4 years now - im scared of myself and dont no wot im capable of - well i didnt no anyway. but now i no i can kill myself bcuz i have tried a few times now - i dont want to be here anymore :(.
once i was in bed and it woz about 3am and i herd sum1 talkin to me - as i opened my eyes i cud stil hear them - im so scared - i dont wanna b like this - i jus wanna b normal, like everyone else.
i have always been in denial for these 4 years but now im first starting to accept that i mite b depressed. a couple of ppl hav sed i am but i neva wanted to believe it. my oldest sister wants to take me to the docs to get on antidepressants, but twice now there has been sum reason for me not to go - wel i dont need to go - im fine - i have managed for so long already, why change now?
Sometimes i feel as though im not realli here and cant believe, wen things happen and im actually there. i have felt like this for a long time but after reading about certain mental illnesses, i found a lot of the physical and mental symptoms i have are linked to Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, Manic Depression and Paranoia. I cant believe it - surely im not the only one to feel this way.
i used to be bulimic - so i have dun alot of sh*t throughout the years and it takes the p*** realli. another thinig dat does me head in, is wen i do summit rong - i apologise and ppl keep saying to stop saying sorri - but if i have dun summit rong i shud apologise, no matter how big or small. they keep saying im too apologetic (cant spell) but thats jus me.
i seem to be jus lettin it all out now bcuz i have got started - i have had a couple of panic attacks b4 in public - i neva knew it was a panic attack wen i had them but me friend told me do i hav them often and i didnt no wot she ment until she told me wot i had.
sorri about blabbering on abit - this isnt everything bcuz i didnt wanna bore u. i dont no how u can help me - or maybe im jus trying to find other ppl to tel me wots rong wiv me