I'll start off by saying I'm currently being treated by a therapist for OCD/anxiety. Now--
I am an attractive, reasonably healthy, 19-year-old. I'm in college, I'm smart, I don't have particular difficulty making friends. But I don't like/know myself and I don't know why.
In the past year I've suffered a bad OCD/anxiety bout that keeps me relatively isolated... but I just feel... uncomfortable in my own skin.
I could be projecting current emotions on the past, but I feel like I've always been somewhat uncomfortable with people (and myself). I might suffer a bit of BDD (I haven't not worn makeup for acne in 7 years and am unwilling to go out if I'm not). But other than that I can't figure out why I'm so unhappy.
I haven't dated despite being attracted to boys. I'm absolutely petrified of it for no apparent reason. I've never even been kissed.
I feel like I don't like people or activities a lot of the time and it bothers me. I have friends but I choose not to spend time with them. Instead I'm always at home in front of my computer or tv. It makes me feel like a self-imposed ****r but I don't want to change.
I feel uncomfortable in social situations and always fall back on humor. I don't have any problems speaking to crowds or anything like that, but being at a party or gathering can be just unbearable.
Lately I've had obsessive fears that I'm a transsexual, but logically I've never wanted to be a boy. Still it keeps me up at night.
I'm so frustrated. I am hating myself and life and just feel in a rut. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Is it just being 19? Could it be social anxiety?