Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

I am M 29(single male) I was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression on 8th Jan 2010.I started treatment on 10mg escitalopram (lexapro) on 8th Jan, it brought relief to anxiety in a week, and when it kicked in the depression was hit out at too... as in I felt a good mood, but all in all I used to feel a certain fakeness in the happy mood.... also along with this I started feeling very overactive and lost sleep.. this caused further misery as my anxiety returned in a couple of day due to constant lack of sleep. Then one afternoon, maybe 3rd week from starting treatment I felt a sudden bout of depression one afternoon.. I must mention that all along I used to feel very confused about how I am feeling - I would not feel like I have an opinion on anything - in the newspaper or TV - I have always been a very strongly opinioned person and this new trend scared me....at this time combined with my lack of sleep the anxiety and stress caused me to further feel very horrible - I used to feel foggy headed - like I am detached from reality in a way..... and i would have severe dysphoria in the evenings...finally I went to my psy doctor on 4th Feb who added 15 mg mirtazapine (remeron/zispin) to my prescription as a way to aid in sleep (thats what I was told).. I started mirtazapine on 7.5 mg - it gave good sleep no doubt and in 3-4 days I felt mood wise better too. Then around 12th feb - 8 days into mirtazapine... one evening I felt very strange - like I have gone numb in the head - cannot think - cannot feel anything... it made me extremely angry and agitated - I started threatening myself with self-harm, this subsided in the night... the next day i again felt this... i noticed that I do feel happy mood few hours but the rest I'd feel like there's a rock in my head... I'll feel like I will go blank....I also noticed a freaky thing- I was being aware of how i am thinking... like I am observing myself thinking... it created a lot of horror for me.... now I absolutely suppress this desire to do so... as it effectively makes me go mad.I also must add that I have been constantly almost compulsively been looking up side-effects of anti-dep medicines and mind-disorders...on 14th I decided that I maybe having emotional-numbness caused by escitalopram and mirtazapine.... one of them.. I suddenly realised this COULD have caused me to have apathy (lack of opinion the previous month)...and I thot this is what is making me numb in the head.So against my better sense on 14th feb I decided to abruptly stop both medicines.... I felt that it was the meds that had made me be emotionally numb...now after almost 4 days - I feel not much of the withdrawal effects mentioned about lexapro... but never the less I am not able to be emotionally aware...this is troubling me a lot... A LOT... to the point of me feeling I may just go mad.... I feel that any moment I may blank out completely.... I am constantly feeling on edge because of this... on vigil of how I am feeling....I am not able to feel anything, rather I AM UNABLE TO KNOW HOW I AM FEELING....I know the medicines can take upto 5-6 days to leave my system, but then again there has been not much improvement in my mood... infact I tried taking an online test for depression.. and I realised i am absolutely unaware of how I am feeling, I dont know how I am feeling at all.... I would not say i am emotionally numb... but I am UNSURE of that too... it sounds really strange or perhaps even funny.... but I feel that I am not able to feel anything..... plus I feel my mind gets blank... when I cannot THINK anything too... like a clean slate.... this keeps me in a constant state of panic and agitation... I feel I am becoming less and less able to post on forums, ask and talk to people about it... I keep having this fear that nothing makes me feel interested or stimulated enough and I keep on googling for mental diseases and tally the symptoms with mine.... I hope I do not delude myself into believing any of it.... is it some sort of psychological hypochondria... or what?I feel apathy in general... I am able to care for people dependent on me... but thats more out of duty than a feeling of affection... this too makes me very scared... I had hoped that stopping the medicine would reverse it... and its absurd to think that the short dosage I took could permanently impair my brain chemistry... I wonder if it is some defense mechanism that makes it this way.. like I am subconsciously rejecting all feelings... in the fear that some of them may be too much for me to take... also I feel that certain things that happen around that should really upset me are unable to do so...in the past I used to shock myself to senses by doing this self-threatening with suicide thing....I feel in a fog all the time... I keep fearing I may lose my mind.... the most uncomfortable feeling is the lack of thoughts in my otherwise-always-bubbling-with-thoughts-mind... plus at times I feel I dont want to do anything... and this disinterest makes me feel like my brain would switch off any moment... i start feeling faint and sleepy... and overcome with extreme fear of going into a VOID......I just do not know what to do... my friend tells me that I must practice self-acceptance to ease this uncomfortable and utterly maddening feeling... but it is just not possible for me.... I do not want to be like this...I have maintained a mood-tracker over the past few days AND almost all entries are "feeling blank, very much on edge, very scared, uninterested, antagonistic, worried"...Is this depression... or is it some neurotic state of mind.... where i have psyched myself into believing I am not able to feel/think anything... I am 'just not sure' ... this is my misery... Is there a free psy-chologist/chiatrist online who could help....Is medication the only solution... I cannot afford a therapist/psychologist as where I live and what I earn is too little to do so... ?I am sorry that my question is so long and disarranged, in my fitter days I would have been very precise and perhaps have used better words.Please help PLEASE PLEASE HELPI understand what you are going through somewhat. 5 years ago I stopped feeling anything and it drove me insane, it still does but to a lesser degree. Its like there is a blockage in my heart and nothing gets in and nothing gets out, I take care of my dogs out of duty also, repetition and habit, and knowing that this is what I must do because I must keep on breathing, I could keep listing the reasons but it doesnt change anything.A psychiatrist would call this schitzophrenia. Thats what Ive been diagnosed with. I dont know if feelings ever come back. Something tells me they never do, let me put it this way, whenever I want to feel the most thats when I tell myself "Youll never feel again" and its a force I cannot battle, so I let it. I compare my state as if my "self" had grown into a Y, like a branch on a tree. I was growing straight and all of a sudden my "self" deviated and my former self got truncated at the intersection of the Y while my current self grew into the branch i described.I feel lost, as if I was walking through a dessert, without a compass. The only thing keeping me going in the direction I am going in is society and the way its run. Eat, sleep, go to work, do your best, defecate, urinate, pet my dogs, try to smile without analyzing myself, write on this blog, and repeat the next day. Now I dont know that you have schitzophrenia any more than I know that I have it. Im just saying this is how I "feel" and its very characteristic of what schizophrenia is. Doctors arent perfect and they use a general guideline(s) called the DSM IV for diagnosing symptoms as diseases. The laws of Karma dont apply much here, its a strange world, like walking on a very large ball, going around in circles, maybe its ***l - without getting into too much of a religious point of view (which i must admit doesnt help much here, it further complicates things).Maybe you will feel again, but not being new to this, i dont think you will. A psychiatrist would put you on either one of these medications:RisperdalZyprexaOlanzapineClonazapamInvegaClozapineSeroquelThey are called atypical antypsychotics. The TYPICAL ones are the previous generation of drugs and they used to f**k peoples faces up real bad and give you worse side effects than you could tolerate. These ones just make you fat and potentially uncontrollable muscle spasms. I dont socialize much but thats because its hard for me to get to know people because of my low affect, its not that i dont understand them, i can no longer relate so I do not react accordingly, like if someone tells a joke for instance.Feel free to ask questions.And if you end up taking clozapine, you have to get blood tests weekly (its also a long term solution, you cant just start and stop it) but for sure let me know if you do so I can see if its worth doing that to myself.

I am M 29(single male) I was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression on 8th Jan 2010.I started treatment on 10mg escitalopram (lexapro) on 8th Jan, it brought relief to anxiety in a week, and when it kicked in the depression was hit out at too... as in I felt a good mood, but all in all I used to feel a certain fakeness in the happy mood.... also along with this I started feeling very overactive and lost sleep.. this caused further misery as my anxiety returned in a couple of day due to constant lack of sleep. Then one afternoon, maybe 3rd week from starting treatment I felt a sudden bout of depression one afternoon.. I must mention that all along I used to feel very confused about how I am feeling - I would not feel like I have an opinion on anything - in the newspaper or TV - I have always been a very strongly opinioned person and this new trend scared me....at this time combined with my lack of sleep the anxiety and stress caused me to further feel very horrible - I used to feel foggy headed - like I am detached from reality in a way..... and i would have severe dysphoria in the evenings...finally I went to my psy doctor on 4th Feb who added 15 mg mirtazapine (remeron/zispin) to my prescription as a way to aid in sleep (thats what I was told).. I started mirtazapine on 7.5 mg - it gave good sleep no doubt and in 3-4 days I felt mood wise better too. Then around 12th feb - 8 days into mirtazapine... one evening I felt very strange - like I have gone numb in the head - cannot think - cannot feel anything... it made me extremely angry and agitated - I started threatening myself with self-harm, this subsided in the night... the next day i again felt this... i noticed that I do feel happy mood few hours but the rest I'd feel like there's a rock in my head... I'll feel like I will go blank....I also noticed a freaky thing- I was being aware of how i am thinking... like I am observing myself thinking... it created a lot of horror for me.... now I absolutely suppress this desire to do so... as it effectively makes me go mad.I also must add that I have been constantly almost compulsively been looking up side-effects of anti-dep medicines and mind-disorders...on 14th I decided that I maybe having emotional-numbness caused by escitalopram and mirtazapine.... one of them.. I suddenly realised this COULD have caused me to have apathy (lack of opinion the previous month)...and I thot this is what is making me numb in the head.So against my better sense on 14th feb I decided to abruptly stop both medicines.... I felt that it was the meds that had made me be emotionally numb...now after almost 4 days - I feel not much of the withdrawal effects mentioned about lexapro... but never the less I am not able to be emotionally aware...this is troubling me a lot... A LOT... to the point of me feeling I may just go mad.... I feel that any moment I may blank out completely.... I am constantly feeling on edge because of this... on vigil of how I am feeling....I am not able to feel anything, rather I AM UNABLE TO KNOW HOW I AM FEELING....I know the medicines can take upto 5-6 days to leave my system, but then again there has been not much improvement in my mood... infact I tried taking an online test for depression.. and I realised i am absolutely unaware of how I am feeling, I dont know how I am feeling at all.... I would not say i am emotionally numb... but I am UNSURE of that too... it sounds really strange or perhaps even funny.... but I feel that I am not able to feel anything..... plus I feel my mind gets blank... when I cannot THINK anything too... like a clean slate.... this keeps me in a constant state of panic and agitation... I feel I am becoming less and less able to post on forums, ask and talk to people about it... I keep having this fear that nothing makes me feel interested or stimulated enough and I keep on googling for mental diseases and tally the symptoms with mine.... I hope I do not delude myself into believing any of it.... is it some sort of psychological hypochondria... or what?I feel apathy in general... I am able to care for people dependent on me... but thats more out of duty than a feeling of affection... this too makes me very scared... I had hoped that stopping the medicine would reverse it... and its absurd to think that the short dosage I took could permanently impair my brain chemistry... I wonder if it is some defense mechanism that makes it this way.. like I am subconsciously rejecting all feelings... in the fear that some of them may be too much for me to take... also I feel that certain things that happen around that should really upset me are unable to do so...in the past I used to shock myself to senses by doing this self-threatening with suicide thing....I feel in a fog all the time... I keep fearing I may lose my mind.... the most uncomfortable feeling is the lack of thoughts in my otherwise-always-bubbling-with-thoughts-mind... plus at times I feel I dont want to do anything... and this disinterest makes me feel like my brain would switch off any moment... i start feeling faint and sleepy... and overcome with extreme fear of going into a VOID......I just do not know what to do... my friend tells me that I must practice self-acceptance to ease this uncomfortable and utterly maddening feeling... but it is just not possible for me.... I do not want to be like this...I have maintained a mood-tracker over the past few days AND almost all entries are "feeling blank, very much on edge, very scared, uninterested, antagonistic, worried"...Is this depression... or is it some neurotic state of mind.... where i have psyched myself into believing I am not able to feel/think anything... I am 'just not sure' ... this is my misery... Is there a free psy-chologist/chiatrist online who could help....Is medication the only solution... I cannot afford a therapist/psychologist as where I live and what I earn is too little to do so... ?I am sorry that my question is so long and disarranged, in my fitter days I would have been very precise and perhaps have used better words.Please help PLEASE PLEASE HELPHello there! I know this an old post but I am shocked to how similar your symtoms are similar to mine! I too am on mirtazapine and question if this is the cause. I would love to hear how you have got on since this post as I am desperate to find some answers.

I feel not much of the withdrawal effects mentioned about lexapro... but never the less I am not able to be emotionally aware...this is troubling me a lot... A LOT... to the point of me feeling I may just go mad.... I feel that any moment I may blank out completely.... I am constantly feeling on edge because of this... on vigil of how I am feeling....I am not able to feel anything, rather I AM UNABLE TO KNOW HOW I AM FEELING....I know the medicines can take upto 5-6 days to leave my system, but then again there has been not much improvement in my mood... infact I tried taking an online test for depression.. and I realised i am absolutely unaware of how I am feeling, I dont know how I am feeling at all.... I would not say i am emotionally numb... but I am UNSURE of that too... it sounds really strange or perhaps even funny.... but I feel that I am not able to feel anything..... plus I feel my mind gets blank... when I cannot THINK anything too... like a clean slate.... this keeps me in a constant state of panic and agitation I've experienced that before.. its not nice at all!!! I experienced it as a result of medication.... i was fine after the medication wore completely off but the whole thing ..not being able to feel my emotions and like being blocked from myself by the med.. scared me. It was like becoming lost from myself.. i felt very drugged. Ive also experienced similar.. during eposides of borderline personality disorder. (i myself didnt think you sounded schizophrenic as your mind is still rational.. but its an emotional issue it sounds you are suffering from.. schizophrenia is an issue with the actual thoughts eg delusions and hallunciations. Your thinking process seems intact. Your issue could come from something like depression as well. Sometimes ones with depression disconnect.

I am M 29(single male) I was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression on 8th Jan 2010.I started treatment on 10mg escitalopram (lexapro) on 8th Jan, it brought relief to anxiety in a week, and when it kicked in the depression was hit out at too... as in I felt a good mood, but all in all I used to feel a certain fakeness in the happy mood.... also along with this I started feeling very overactive and lost sleep.. this caused further misery as my anxiety returned in a couple of day due to constant lack of sleep. Then one afternoon, maybe 3rd week from starting treatment I felt a sudden bout of depression one afternoon.. I must mention that all along I used to feel very confused about how I am feeling - I would not feel like I have an opinion on anything - in the newspaper or TV - I have always been a very strongly opinioned person and this new trend scared me....at this time combined with my lack of sleep the anxiety and stress caused me to further feel very horrible - I used to feel foggy headed - like I am detached from reality in a way..... and i would have severe dysphoria in the evenings...finally I went to my psy doctor on 4th Feb who added 15 mg mirtazapine (remeron/zispin) to my prescription as a way to aid in sleep (thats what I was told).. I started mirtazapine on 7.5 mg - it gave good sleep no doubt and in 3-4 days I felt mood wise better too. Then around 12th feb - 8 days into mirtazapine... one evening I felt very strange - like I have gone numb in the head - cannot think - cannot feel anything... it made me extremely angry and agitated - I started threatening myself with self-harm, this subsided in the night... the next day i again felt this... i noticed that I do feel happy mood few hours but the rest I'd feel like there's a rock in my head... I'll feel like I will go blank....I also noticed a freaky thing- I was being aware of how i am thinking... like I am observing myself thinking... it created a lot of horror for me.... now I absolutely suppress this desire to do so... as it effectively makes me go mad.I also must add that I have been constantly almost compulsively been looking up side-effects of anti-dep medicines and mind-disorders...on 14th I decided that I maybe having emotional-numbness caused by escitalopram and mirtazapine.... one of them.. I suddenly realised this COULD have caused me to have apathy (lack of opinion the previous month)...and I thot this is what is making me numb in the head.So against my better sense on 14th feb I decided to abruptly stop both medicines.... I felt that it was the meds that had made me be emotionally numb...now after almost 4 days - I feel not much of the withdrawal effects mentioned about lexapro... but never the less I am not able to be emotionally aware...this is troubling me a lot... A LOT... to the point of me feeling I may just go mad.... I feel that any moment I may blank out completely.... I am constantly feeling on edge because of this... on vigil of how I am feeling....I am not able to feel anything, rather I AM UNABLE TO KNOW HOW I AM FEELING....I know the medicines can take upto 5-6 days to leave my system, but then again there has been not much improvement in my mood... infact I tried taking an online test for depression.. and I realised i am absolutely unaware of how I am feeling, I dont know how I am feeling at all.... I would not say i am emotionally numb... but I am UNSURE of that too... it sounds really strange or perhaps even funny.... but I feel that I am not able to feel anything..... plus I feel my mind gets blank... when I cannot THINK anything too... like a clean slate.... this keeps me in a constant state of panic and agitation... I feel I am becoming less and less able to post on forums, ask and talk to people about it... I keep having this fear that nothing makes me feel interested or stimulated enough and I keep on googling for mental diseases and tally the symptoms with mine.... I hope I do not delude myself into believing any of it.... is it some sort of psychological hypochondria... or what?I feel apathy in general... I am able to care for people dependent on me... but thats more out of duty than a feeling of affection... this too makes me very scared... I had hoped that stopping the medicine would reverse it... and its absurd to think that the short dosage I took could permanently impair my brain chemistry... I wonder if it is some defense mechanism that makes it this way.. like I am subconsciously rejecting all feelings... in the fear that some of them may be too much for me to take... also I feel that certain things that happen around that should really upset me are unable to do so...in the past I used to shock myself to senses by doing this self-threatening with suicide thing....I feel in a fog all the time... I keep fearing I may lose my mind.... the most uncomfortable feeling is the lack of thoughts in my otherwise-always-bubbling-with-thoughts-mind... plus at times I feel I dont want to do anything... and this disinterest makes me feel like my brain would switch off any moment... i start feeling faint and sleepy... and overcome with extreme fear of going into a VOID......I just do not know what to do... my friend tells me that I must practice self-acceptance to ease this uncomfortable and utterly maddening feeling... but it is just not possible for me.... I do not want to be like this...I have experienced and felt the way you have, I have felt the numbness and sometimes I question myself why do I feel this way and why do i talk to myself I thought I was going crazy for awhile till i realized that if you dont talk to somebody you'll end up going insane even if its with yourself. My therapist has giving me medicine for my depression but they will only work for awhile because they lose the effect. I have gone to a group thearpy but that only got me more depressed hearing people talking about thier problems. The best solution i've heard is do what you like best like writing music,poems,walking outside etc...

I have recently been diagnosed with severe depression. At first i was in a real state i was over analysing everything and doing a rapid commentry in my head and having conversations with people in my head before id see them obsessively and repetatively whilst Also mentally observing the thoughts too - it was driving me nuts! I couldnt sleep and was afraid to go to bed. I was prescribed seroquil 300 and sertraline 150. However now im in a state of self denial and i am unable to think, my mind has automatically anesthetised itself. Im aware of it but cant face reality because i dont feel i am able to find any solution. This post is the most i have said or felt about my situation in a while. Im really worried because i think that anytime soon im going to have all the thoughts that ive been blocking come back to me - i know that the numb denial im feeling is temporary and i dont think this is normal? I dont like talking to anyone i dont have any relationships in my life where im truely honest about myself. I am agitated - please help me

Did you get over these symptoms ? Did you feel better ? How did you do it ? Please update this thread with the latest information on how you are doing, it will help greatly. Thanks.