I dont normally do this kind of thing but i am a bit embarrassed after i found out my boss thinks im on on drugs (speed) when its not the case at all.
I went to the doctor in Feb to seek help with insomnia, lack of energy, fatigue, poor concentration, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts and she began prescribing anti-depressents. I have changed medications a few times however my doctor doesnt think its depression and while the anti-depressants have allowed me to sleep and i am over all happier its not having any effect on my lack of motivation and energy etc.
In fact a lot of things have got worse and its really effecting my job and preventing me to further my career. I have had quite a few of the side effects including hallucinations, seizures, my inability to stop moving (while its voluntary) everyone thinks im paranoid, im still constantly tired and sleep to and from work everyday, constantly feel sick and can unknowingly zone out and lose 10 minutes and have no recolection that i was doing it or what happened in that time. Ive always had a bit of a skin picking problem with my face when there is a lack of acne but i still manage to destroy it and i also chew the insides of my mouth and skin around my nails. Which in turn makes people think im a druggy.
Anyway im quite frankly over taking pills and there is less to feel depressed about (not that there was much to begin with making it seem even more chemical) however my doctor is still wanting me to continue treatment (on new pills yet again). Im am very creative and going to a specialist in two months. i can understand my lack of confidence etc just being me but its more the overall tierdness and 'cant be bothered' attitude i feel i need a bit of help with.
Needless to say im all very confused and frustraighted and i wish i had never started treatment so i guess im just looking for advice from other people who have been through this as no one i know really understands. Is it even depression? Any suggestions to get some stability back?
I'm going to get a voluntary drug test done either way.