Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Sorting my head out

Posted In: Mental conditions 3 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • July 21, 2006
  • 04:18 PM


I have never posted on such a forum and don't really know where to start or whether I'm just being stupid or not but, here goes.

For a considerable number of years now (to be more accurate after getting out of a very abusive long term relationship), I have been unable to trust anyone, become close to anyone and even put myself out to meet another girl.

I would say that I have always found myself very unatractive, I don't like to look in mirrors for example, I do not feel that I am really worth all that much and actually sometimes do not feel that there is much point to anything.

When I do fall for someone I do not believe that it falls apart due to the other party but due to my odd personality. To say that I have dark thoughts (not of a perverted or murderous kind) would be an understatement.

I do not really know where to start, all I do know that is I do have mood swings, lately directed towards a female at work that I have grown very fond of, she is married and I know this must be misdirected as I think it's due to her actually showing me a caring and warm woman.
I have had to try and explain to her that I do not mean to be this way but I need to sort my head out, I do not want to ruin our friendship but I do believe I already have.

Some advice would be most appreciated.

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3 Replies:

  • I suggest you talk to someone I got help from a psychologist and things got better in time I had bad self esteem really hated myself and was pushing everyone away cause i was abused as a kid. My life fell apart and i thought i was in love with a friend and acted like a complete idiot and lost the friendship. It was like a compulsion cause he was being really nice to me and i felt so bad all the time and being around him made me feel better. Reality was i liked him but he was totally wrong for me which is why we were only friends in the first place. Hope this helps!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • October 30, 2007
    • 01:55 PM
    • 0
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  • Hmmm.... Your situation kind of reminds me of my own social/psychological experience. I got good advice and I feel that maybe the advice I recieved would help you as well. Having romantic feelings towards someone who is unavailable to you in a romantic way may be behavior that is being controlled by your subconcious. Your subconcious does not want you to get hurt again and also may be letting you experience love again in such a situation that you are "safe." You may think this is rubbish because you ARE getting hurt in a way but just think what might happen if she were not married and you actually were able to have a relationship and then the relationship failed like some of your past relationships. Being attracted to someone who you cannot have is just a part of the healing process. It allows you to dwell in the land loving emotions and makes you realize that you CAN love again. I digress- I am almost positive that the only reason you stayed in the abusive relationship is because you have a low self-esteem. You blamed it all on yourself and thought that you didn't deserve any better. It's time to give yourself a break! Beauty comes in many forms and outward attractiveness is only one. The very fact that you have been through so much and are so vunerable makes you special. Maybe the best kind of woman for you is one who has been through the same kinds of experiences- one who feels the same way you do. There are many like that out there who are looking for someone loyal and trustworthy. They may not come by their issues openly- or maybe they will- who knows? Try e-harmony and flaunt what you've got. Maybe you could even write about your tragic past (lightly- not in great detail) and say you are seeking a woman who has been through similar times and is looking for someone to heal with. Maybe I'm just being a silly romantic and my idea is just strange and or would make you feel awkward but if you need to, use it as a last resort. If my idea yeilds good results, be sure to thank me. lolAnother thing (about how you look) is that believe it or not women, in general, are less influenced by men's appearences, especially as they get older. They look for stability, intellect, and possibly "true love." I think that once the average woman has fallen deeply in love, she loves every one of your flaws as though they were positive characteristics. If she always picks on you for superficial things then she is not truly taken. Tke my word for it!I'd like to think that there is a soulmate for every single person who needs one but unfortunately common sense tells me that this is false. Love really isn't magic and that is why you have been through the wringer. It's nobody's fault. But just to keep that ember of hope still burning- one more bit of advice. (I took some of my adderall at 9pm so that is why I'm writing all of this stuff and so thoroughly.lol) My last bit of advice for you is to be super-aware while you are searching for a new and possibly long-term relationship. Look for signs of chemistry first (chemistry that is felt by both of you). Unfortunately with sites like e-harmony all you have to go by is a picture and a written profile, but a phone conversation might help! Never, never, settle for whatever is available at the time. Always make sure that you are completely satisfied. :-) You need someone who posseses honesty, maturity, strength, lovingness, warmth...yeah, you know what I mean. If you don't find it in one place then just keep on looking! Be brave and persistent but do not let it become all-consuming. Take care.
    FreeSpirit27 14 Replies
    • November 6, 2007
    • 04:50 AM
    • 0
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  • You have gotten some good advice. You also need to talk to someone about it. You will never let this go unless you understand what is causing it. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Most people have some kind of issues, it's just that some cause more problems then others. See a therapist and find your way out of those dark thoughts and into the good life. There is a big bright world out there just waiting for YOU! Kiera!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • November 6, 2007
    • 07:32 AM
    • 0
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