I will be as honest as possible so that you guys can honestly tell me what you think.
This will be sort of long, so please bare with me:
I was "okay" up until a couple of months ago. I traveled across a couple of states to meet someone I met over the internet. Everything was great, I completely knew what I was getting myself into. I took the risk of "whatever happens happens". Even though my family didn't want me to go, I did. Ok, so everything was fine the first trip, then we went back to my house and everything was still fine. Well, a month later we went back to the person's house and a couple of weeks later it started. I tried pot and it was fine for a while. (I had never even smoked cigarettes before this.) Everything felt ok for a while until this one night, I had smoke alot and I was sitting down at the computer and felt dizzy and faint all of the sudden. I started panicking and was trembling very badly. I was so scared, all I could think of was to tell the person to get me water and food. Well, that helped for a while. Then I started feeling better and everything was fine for a while after that. Two weeks later I started noticing that I felt panicky when I'd feel alittle "off". I'd get really really scared if my stomach or anything else was bothering me. All I could think of was "what if I pass out/or faint". I thought it was the pot so I stopped smoking immediately, but it didn't stop. So I resumed smoking to see if it would calm me down, it didn't help at all, I actually felt like it made me feel more paranoid and scared about being sick.
I mentioned having a few panic attacks to my mother (who is a registered nurse) and she said it could of been triggered because I had never been away from home for so long. On top of all this happening, my grandmother was very ill and I was very very close to her my whole life. Well, I finally decided to try and make it home because my mom told me that she was probably not going to make it. The only thing is I didn't make plans soon enough and she passed away. I tried driving home but had a panic attack while driving on the interstate so we had to go back to the person's home. I actually had to get some of my family members to go up there to get me.
Now, I'am home but I still feel edgy alot. While I was there I couldn't eat because I'd have terrible pains in my stomach and would feel like I needed to puke everytime I'd get really scared or stressed out about what I was thinking about. (My grandma, being there, being scared, etc.)
I will be honest and say I was "sheltered" most of my life as well and what I experienced staying there was WAY out of my comfort zone. I often felt scared being there because of what was going on. People who lived there did really hard drugs and I saw really violent behavior. (This is one of the main reasons I pushed going back home, aside from my grandmother.)
What I'm wondering is am I sick or is this all just stress? I just want to feel normal again and not SCARED all the ***n time. It's like, I can feel perfectly ok, but if something goes slighty wrong or I feel slightly off I start panicking and thinking I'm going to pass out or something worse.
I have thought about going to a psychologist/doctor but I'm afraid too. I've had excellent health up to this point and have never needed to go to the doctor aside from shots.
If any of you could help it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry it was so long.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I'm 21 years old and female.
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