Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

some kind of disorder?

Posted In: Mental conditions 0 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • October 20, 2008
  • 04:40 AM

I am nearly 19 years old and I wonder if I have some kind of mental disorder. I pretty much have always found it extremely difficult to trust people, but it seems now like I am almost paranoid: I always think that people are talking about me, that people hate me, or that when people tell me something, they are lying to me. This has become worse since I've started college and started living in a dorm. For instance, if I hear someone laughing loudly next door, I can't help but think that they're making fun of me. And I always tend to worry excessively about many things and overreact in many situations. People are constantly telling me "Ok, chill. Stop worrying" but I can't help it. In addition, and this is beginning to frighten me, it seems that I have a very active imagination. Sometimes, when I think about certain things, especially if I know that I want to talk to someone about something, I'll kind of whisper to myself and basically have an entire conversation with myself, complete with hand gestures, as if there were someone sitting in the room listening to me. And what's worse, I've found that many times I have extremely violent thoughts. I am not a violent person, only on a few occasions have I gotten physical with anyone, and those times were during fights with my siblings, and very mild physical encounters, just pushing someone away or maybe hitting them, but nothing to cause a even a bruise, much less sever injury, but many times, when someone makes me angry or treats me poorly, in my mind I can see myself, doing terrible things to them, like beating on them with my hands or with other objects that are nearby until they are bruised and bloody. The same thing happens if I get really frustrated or upset with myself because I'm overreacting about something I did or something that happened to me, or if I get depressed, only I can see myself harming myself in my mind, mostly with objects that I see or that I know are nearby. Like if I am in the dorm room, I might imagine suffocating myself with a pillowcase from the pillow on my bed, or going to the closet where I keep medicines, and taking large amounts of pills. There has only been one occasion in which I actually acted up these violent thoughts, I started out upset about something fairly insignificant and ended up crying and rather depressed and I saw myself tying a plastic bag over my head, and I got up, got the bag, then put it over my head and closed it around my neck. Thankfully I realized what I was doing and I stopped, and I haven't done anything like that since, but I worry that someday I will. I just don't understand why I am this way and I just want to know if there is actually something wrong with me and what it could be. If anyone can give me any information about what, if anything, could be wrong with me, I would love to hear it.

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