Hi. I'm new to this site, and I'm not completely sure how it works. But I'm about to head off to college, and I thought it'd be a good idea to get some outside opinions on my social and mental issues.
I don't really now how to start this off. So, here it goes: I've always been a shy person, but until around the time I started high school, I never realized that what I have probably goes beyond shy. I had a group of friends in high school, but I never felt that close to them. We'd occasionally do stuff outside of school, but I just never felt that wanted. In fact, at times I felt like they really were just my "friends" because they were nice. Even when around these friends, I often felt at a loss about what to talk about. My mind just draws a literal blank, and if anything, I'd make boring, asinine comment. When I meet a stranger, however, it's normally much worse. Very occasionally, I feel like a can make passably decent conversation with a stranger, but I quickly run out of things to talk about. I have no clue about making segues in conversation. I feel like I'm a boring person with not much to offer conversationally.
I'm about to move in with a roommate, and I'm guessing that she'll probably regret that she got stuck with such a social failure. And if she doesn't want anything to do with me (which will be quite likely), I have no idea how I'm going to make friends. I went to an orientation this summer, and I have never felt more alone in my life. I had no idea how to talk to people, and when I did, I didn't have any idea of what to say beyond the initial pleasantries and questions. I felt like I wasn't a part of the group, and honestly, I wanted more than anything just to go home. I acted like orientation went well when I got home because I was embarrassed to admit to how much of a ****r I am. When I was in my mini-group, I had no idea how to join in to the conversation without being completely awkward. There were a couple of girls stopped in the hall remarking on how big one of the rooms was, and I awkwardly tried to join into the conversation. I was completely ignored, and it was mortifying. The people at orientation seemed nice overall, but I didn't know how to connect with anyone. My orientation roommate (different one from my school roommate) and I barely talked at all. It was really uncomfortable. I don't know how I'm going to survive. I've looked up all kinds of "how to talk to people articles" (dumb, I know), and none of them helped at all. They gave the usual tips like remark on the surroundings or something, but those tips didn't help. I just suck at conversation.
It's not just a lack of topics that plagues my conversations. I also have noticed recently that I stutter and trip over my words a lot when I talk. I don't know if I've always done this or not, but I feel that it's been particularly prominent lately. It really comes out when I'm in a conversation that I'm uncomfortable with, but even with my family, it shows.
Also, after I have a conversation with somebody I tend to obsess about it. My mind can't stop, even if I try, going over my conversations and pointing out how stupid I sounded. I also tend to do this obsessing with minor things. I don't always do it, but it happens fairly often. For example, if I have a difficult time choosing between two different colors of a skirt, I'll get home and start obsessing that I should have chosen the other color. I guess it's a certain type of perfectionism.
I feel like I have several other mental issues that I could bring up, but I feel like I've already written a novel on the subject. I'd really appreciate if anyone could give me advice. Thanks for listening to my ranty tale.
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