Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Sensory Processing Disorder

Posted In: Mental conditions 4 Replies
  • Posted By: waterdeepchu
  • February 14, 2011
  • 07:05 AM

Note: Please forgive odd wording. I have an autism-spectrum disorder and will often randomly take/mean things literally when its not clear that I am.

So, I had written here before about my constant lifelong skin pain. Seen doctors too...Apparently what i shouldve done is mentioned i had an autism spectrum condition. This got me answers fast...
...Unfortunately, they were bad. Terrible really. Horrific would not be going too far. Basically, for whatever reason, I have an incurable disorder that turns any physical (touch) sensation into extreme pain; showers, rain, hugs, and so on. And I instinctive yank away at this point, and even will start to get nervous before contact is made.

Heres my problem. First of all, cant afford a therapist. This is bad because I have crashed. Realising that i will likely never be able to enjoy the tuoch of someone else has just...destroyed me inside. I cant relate very well what this ***l feels like -- even very lonely folks generally have a *chance* of pleasure.

I do not. And I am so...unhappy. The only thing i can think of to describe is how really exhausted i am. Im 24 years old and male..And Ive already experienced such huge amounts of pain. During my extensive medical work, i hurt so much, all I wanted was someone to hold me..

...And then I got it, and my world crashed. Because it hurt me too. Now i spend a decent portion of my days trying not to continually cry, and have degraded to having zero patience. I just feel utterly trapped in my own little ***l.

Its...hard to explain. But now that i know i cant have it, im even more desperate. It feels like something everyone else gets has been taken away from me..And its one of the most important forms of interaction our species has, probably THE most important.

How..Can I keep going? Just so its clear abundantly, I declared suicide to be "Not an Option" during my heavy medical work (the most painful time in my life) and would only reconsider in the case of destructive, degenerative conditions that i was sure to die slowly and painfully from. No amount of depression, sadness, anger, or feelings of injustice are good reasons in my mind, so despite the occasional thoughts to the effect, it remains not an option.

But I do feel empty.and sad. very, very sad. Ive stopped being able to funciton realisitcly, my heart pain has ratcheted up, my total panic has been suppressed by devastating emotional collapse. All I want is someone to be close to...and its clear that is not going to be possible.

What do I do...? I mean..I dont know. I dont know even where to start getting over this. Its become my every thought and my every sight. Ive started sleeping way more than i should, and have been in a state of constant nausea for days -- I feel so awful that I forget how to swallow. among other things. And this is as disturbing as it sounds, yes.

I just cant figure out anything, anything at all, to break this cycle, since the one thing i wanted so bad for so long and still do, i can never have. Considering my only other desires were centerd around magical portals to alternate universes, Doctor Who and the pokemon Mewtwo, I'd rather not abandon my physical self utterly just yet. But going on like this, clearly, will destroy me.

Anyone with any advice for me? Remember, cant go to a therapist, cause no money. Thank you all for reading this.

Reply Flag this Discussion

4 Replies:

  • Please don't believe the doom and gloom! There IS life with a sensory processing disorder. And, it very well could include a marriage and family!
    FeedTheBirds 1 Replies
    • February 16, 2011
    • 02:31 AM
    • 0
    Flag this Response
  • I agree with you, suicide is not a good option. You are a strong person, especially because you have endured what you have been living with. You are not alone. There are many others who suffer with what you have. Here is a link to the sensory processing disorder foundation. Hopefully you can find some helpful resources there ---> http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.htmlAlso, some churches can offer therapist help free of charge. And many others can work with you on payment options, even if its a reduced fee. There are options for you, but they may be hard to find.
    gr8tful 175 Replies
    • February 18, 2011
    • 08:33 AM
    • 0
    Flag this Response
  • I suggest to go over to wrong planet forums http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums.html (the biggest online Asperger's/Autism forums online) and cut and paste your post there. Many there would have the same issue and may be able to advise. It sounds too that this problem has given you also depression.
    taniaaust1 2267 Replies
    • February 24, 2011
    • 11:54 PM
    • 0
    Flag this Response
  • No no don't think that way there are support groups for that
    NerdOfMadness 1 Replies Flag this Response
Thanks! A moderator will review your post and it will be live within the next 24 hours.