I don't want to ramble on about my life, but here goes,
I am a 18 yr old boy with schizotypal disorder. I was diagnosed about one year ago and had to be admitted to hospital and had to stay there of my own free will or be sectioned.
Prior to this I did a lot of illegal activity on this internet revolving drugs, and had got myself addicted to powerful benzos (Temazapam, Ativan, Xanax) all being taken in large doses (as well as this, Ketamine and copious amounts of cannabis) one of the reason perhaps why i took benzos was due to my being unable to sleep (my mind keeping me up (especially before i took medication) superanlyzing things) and also due to my anxiety around people.
Although we do not know the extent of the damage caused due to the drugs, i at least, developed psychosis (which went away) and perhaps it may have worsened the schizotypal disorder (which can lead to full blown schizophrenia).
After admitting something was wrong with me and taking medication (Ziprasidone) and using Phenobarbitol to wean me off of benzos, I was released after 3 months inside.
I go to school and have developed a close freindship with another guy my age. A true character, intelligent and understanding, amongst my other things. The people who I know are true sickheads to the scene of DB. (I try and use these fellow's language to some extent)
One of things I long to do is go to raves with these people, but I feel almost incapacitated when it comes to that kind of activity. I somehow doubt I will be able to.
I feel as though i am lucky my mental condition has not progressed to full blown schizophrenia, although this condition is still bad in itself. As taken from a website:
"People with schizotypal personality disorder often have trouble engaging with others and appear emotionally distant. They find their social isolation *painful*,"
This is the worst part about this disorder, I am almost unwilling to have anything to do with society, all i tend to do is play poker (making $8500) at home and go to school. I seem to almost see money as the only thing to do with my life.
The only time when I actually seem to communicate freely with people without these mental barriers is when I do cocaine (not addicted to in any way at this point or doing on a regular basis), which is the worst thing to do with my mental condition as it directly affects the dopamine receptors which are likely the underlying cause of this illness.
There seems to be two sides to me, the lazy, unwilling to have anything to do with society side of me, which i despise - and the other side of me which want me to be everything, and has come to see the things which other people take for granted the very meaning of existance to life (e.g. going out to the pub, having a family, relationships)
To finish this off, I count myself lucky - if it were not for a talented docter (and i have seen many) this condition would not have been recognised and I would be schizophrenic now. There are few people around with this mental condition that havnt developed into schizophrenia.
Also I am a bit unhappy that I couldnt sign up for an account for this post, the ***n activation email wouldnt come through.