My situation is I will be going on about my day, not feeling much as usual but at least being productive in a sense where I push myself to do work and Ill have premonitions that Im not quite aware of at the time they are manifesting themselves, but aware enough to watch them go by as thoughts inside my head. Like today for instance, I went down to get a coffee and on the way out of the coffee shop i thought I was going to have a bad mood swing and sure enough minutes later I was suffering from psychosis due to my extreme bad mood and had to let it pass (its still going right now but not as acute) until I was able to somewhat function again and try and do the work I was doing before with the same amount of push I had from before. This goes on all the time, I am aware that the thought is running through my mind but Im too focused on something else that I dont really pay attention to it much, and then the mood strikes and I cannot escape.
I'm on 6mg of risperdal and it isnt doing much to help, ive been having these mood swings for a long time although I am aware that they are coming (sort of) for about a few weeks. I dont really know what to do when this happens because I am completely discombabulated and in public so I try to hide it but my face says it all - frustration.
While in this psychotic state and afterwards, I will begin linking thoughts with each other in an attempt to explain what just happened but I end up weaving this web of thoughts.
I ordered some naturopathic mood stabilizers in hope that it will lessen the blow caused by these episodes but I know there is no silver bullet (coming from a history of taking antipsychotics). I'm concious that medcation just masks the symptoms of an illness and doesnt cure the underlying causes, so Ive tried to convince my doctor to help me find the cause so I can get well, but he keeps saying Im ill and doesnt explore any options.