Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

(part 1) this is as long as a story very much detail so please bear with me!!

Posted In: Mental conditions 0 Replies
  • Posted By: briggs09
  • January 11, 2009
  • 10:04 PM

(this post was so long i had to spread it out over 2 threads, PLEASE READ PART 2 ALSO) hi, im a 22 year old male and i have a problem i need to share. it all started about a month or so ago, one day i woke up and i had a feeling of a lump in throat and the feeling as if i was constantly been strangled, i tried to just forget about it over the next few days but i was contantly thinkin of it i cudnt help it, then after a week or so i also started to develop a strange condition whereas i was constantly thinkin of my own breathing, every waking second, it was really frustrating me and carried on for a few days, funnily enough i told my mom bout it one night and she said ill cause myself to have a panic attack, and later that night when i was alone i had a mild anxiety attack!!!!!!! it went after a while and i felt fine, i was still cautious of it happeneing agen and cudnt stop thinkin of it in the back of my mind, but i was still ok. so finally i decided to go see a doctor, he said the lump in my throat cud be acid reflux and gave me mucogel and also it cud be anxiety related and gave me 10mg Citalopram for anxiety,i started researching acid reflux symtons and read that it can cause tight chestedness and breathing problems and a feeling of lump in throat and if not treated can lead to throat cancer,and convinced myself tht was the problem and funnily enough tht seemed to exaggerate the symptons!!! i also started to worry more as anxiety attack symtons can feel like acid reflux symtons and vice versa so it was just playing on my mind do i have reflux? is it just anxiety? is me thinkin i have reflux causing anxiety or vice versa and just making both problems worse and creating a vicious cycle? during this time i also visited to hospital for a chest x-ray as i feared i may have a filter tip from a hand rolled cigarette stuck in my windpipe as about 4 month before all this started i accidently inhaled one and wasnt sure if id swallowed it or inhaled it into my lungs as i also suffered from a few recurring infections just before xmas and sumwhere in my right lung just didnt feel right and i convinced myself that it was the filter tip stuck in there!!!!, nothing showed up on the x-ray but the hospital has refered me to a specialist to have a camera down into my lungs to check, im still waiting for them to get back to me after a week or so, the doctor gave me penicillin for the infection, my friend said he was allergic to penicllin and that i could have side effects, so this made me worry about the side effects and also i was worrying about the filter tip being stuck and that i might cough it up and choke or that i might have a reaction to the penicillin, and sure enough, later that night i started getting really panicky and anxious and the lump in my throat came back and i was tight chested and felt i was gonna faint, my mom phoned an ambulance and i got checked out at the hospital and they assured me nothing is physically wrong and that i wasnt allergic to penicillin and also tht it was impossible to choke on whatever may or may not be stuck in my lung and they said i was just letting my anxiety get the better of me, i was fine for a few days after this but i was still constantly worrying about my health, do i have acid relux is there something stuck in my lung what if the lump isnt reflux etc what if i have another panic attack etc, then a few days later i had another panic attack but this time it was really bad, my heart was beating like 200bpm i felt really tight chested like i was gonna choke and faint and like i wanted just run and run and really confused, my mom said my grandma had suffered from them in the past and so i called her and she calmy talked to me and reassured me nothing was wrong and i just burst out crying and sobbing saying to my grandma how awful it felt etc and she said i had to calm down and do breathing excercises and relax, however i was finding this really hard and cudnt relax and kept getting scared and pacing around the room, so my mom and dad took me to hospital to see if i cud get anything to help me sleep, the hospital checked me out and said i was fine physically and i also told them that i had been talking citalopram for a week and he said to stop takin that and he told me to go to my doctor and ask for Propranalol beta blockers as they were better for anxiety attack sufferers, so the next day i visited my doctors and i got the Propranalol, this was on thursday 8th january, on the thursday night i wasnt as bad, i still had the panic attack, tight chest, lump in the throat, panicky thoughts etc but i found that if i lay down and did the deep breathing excercises for a couple of minutes i felt fine, however i was still constantly thinking of the next attack in my mind and also still worrying whteher or not the lump in my throat feeling was acid reflux or just a sympton of anxiety, that night in bed i was finding it hard to relax and settle i kept gettin tight chested and fearing another panic attack or fearing that i had acid relux and it made me certain something was in my throat and it was making me keep want to cough and clear my throat and as if something was stuck, eventually i was tryin so hard to get this "lump" out my throat that i made myself regurgitate a little once or twice and this made me even more convinced i had acid reflux, thus increasing my anxiety and i just wasnt sure if it was acid reflux or just the anxiety, i hardly got much sleep. the next morning i felt fine but in the back of my mind i was constantly fearful of another attack or that i might have acid reflux and just constantly thinking and worrying i cudnt help it, so i decided to go out into town on the bus, now normally i do feel a little nervous and anxious on the bus when its full but today i was worried i might have a full blown panic attack, and, sure enough after 5 mins on the bus i started gettin really panicky, tight chested etc and i just felt like i wanted to get off the bus, however i struggled and fought through the 15 minute journey and when i got off in town i was fine after a few minutes, i was still really anxious of it happening again though, i think this could be a major factor though, as even before all this started, im talking years before, for as long as i can remember actually, ive always had an active mind and always worrying about my health, the past, the future, my current state of life and everything in between!!!!! i just find it incredibly hard to relax even when im really tired it takes me ages to get to sleep my mind is on overdrive, well anyway sure enough while waiting for the bus home i was REALLY nervous and anxious and just dieing to get home, and once on the bus all the panic attack symtons started to kick in i felt like i just wanted to explode!!!! i got off the bus a few stops before mine and walked home, once home i lay down done the breathing excercises and felt fine, but i was still worrying bout whether or not i had reflux and whether or not i had the filter tip in my lungs and if i was going to have another panic attack etc, i was fine the rest of the night till i went to bed and i started to get panicky, but i just put the radio on quiet in the background and just lay there thinkin happy thoughts trying my hardest to fight the anxiety and i felt wonderful after a while. i still had the worrys deep in back of my mind but physically i felt lovely and just drifted off to sleep. i woke early the next morning and was fine, my nephew had stayed the night so i decided to go with my mom and dad in the car to take him home just to get out the house for a while, but before we set off i started thinkin i bet i have another anxiety attack when i go out, and sure enough i got the tight chestedness, aggitated feeling nervous etc and just felt like i cudnt wait to be back in the house, now my mom and dad always go out to the local club on a saturday night and im always left alone and during the day i cudnt stop thinking that if i have another panic attack when they out will it be worse cos i have no one to talk to about it? well sure enough soon after they went out i started feeling tight chested and gettin a lump throat and so i started to think about the acid reflux and this made the throat feeling worse which in turn made my anxiety worse and also it was real quiet and i had no one to talk to and this seemed to really make me worse i was really struggling to settle and fight the anxiety, it got so bad i started considering calling the club to ask my mom to come home but i fought of the urge but all the while i was just working myself up more and more wanting someone to talk to and i started gettin really edgy and trying to fight the anxiety to the point where i just felt like i wanted my mom their for a shoulder to cry on, so i lay there fighting this feeling for about an hour and a half gettin myself really worked up and only feeling sort of normal for 5 mins every so often, then, all of a sudden, the physical feelings all just dissapeared and i felt SO good for about 5 mins but felt like i just really needed my mom to let out a realy big cry but she wasnt in and this got me working myself up again, but this time it as totally different, instead of gettin the physcial symtons of an anxiety attack,

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