I had always been rather sensitive in nature, to negative words or anything negative, thus i never want to say nor see things which i thought are negative. I often does some research on internet about how our mind works too.
My problem appeared about few months ago, about august last year, everything in my mind, seem really disorganized.
I normally do mental planning in my mind, which means i made a list of notes in my head, instead of writing down. And these mental planning was of a great importance to me, the fact that it constantly remind me what to accomplish and etc.
These plans in my mind were messed up, and of course, when we realised that things are a messy and untidy state, we'll get frustrated easily. I remembered sensing a notion in my mind and my feeling suddenly felt a bit messed up, followed by my mental plan, becoming a whirlpool.
During that time, i am studying for exam too, memorising stuff. Due to my frustration of not being able to memorise any more, in addition to the thought of my plan being messed up, i said to myself, audible in my mind, 'You will fail your exam like those under-achievers!'
I react to it with intense fear and this incident stuck in my head for 3 months and depersonalise whenever i see books. i resorted to ''transferring'' these thoughts to end my suffering, to smth which i really don't wanna to think - 'to think of somebody baddies, people i hate, people i won't bother to think, people whom i thought are digusting when studying' to replace my fear, and i really did..whenever i read/ studying or wanna plan things with regards to studying, my brain will follow the way i thought and acted out in my brain. i will have mental images of these people, one at a time, maybe for 1 day, a week, different people, in my brain, and it disrupted me alot. I can't visualise, i can't study at my real effort, it's miserable.
My life most important thing is STUDYING and getting GD RESULTS. And this interrupted me alot.