To whom it may concern
My name is Joe. I am 28 years old and most my life I have been anal retentive. Ensuring things are always neat and clean. Certain rituals that I do over and over. Through the years I have mastered the art to keep it a secret. (hiding it from others). It is very stressful. However, the last few years have been the worse. Everyone around me make comments to include my wife and kids, fellow work employees. It is embarrassing and I don't want to be like this. I stay so stressed out that I can actually feel and hear my heart beating a lot of the time. The following is a list of some of the things that I can think of of the top of my head:
o Never step on a sidewalk crack.
o Spend 10 minutes brushing my teeth. (100 brush strokes on each section)
Rinse 5 times.
o When showering wash every part of my body with 15 sponge stokes to each section.
o I can not eat at home unless all trash is taken out and all toilets have been flushed. I do this myself before each meal.
o When at work, I ensure trash is taken out prior to eating in the office.
o My meal is ruined if ever anyone makes any type of bodily noise. Or if anyone says anything remotely gross.
o I must clean myself if someone sneezes around me, due to the fear that it has traveled airborne and has hit me. If I am at home, Ill shower. If I'm at work, ill take a sink bath as fast as I can.
o rarely ever use public restrooms. If I really have to I will sanitize the whole urinal/toilet. I will find cleaners in the nearest cleaning closet. If I cant find any, then I simply make myself sick until I get home.
o I never try new foods.
After getting home from work, I continue to work by cleaning every inch of this house. I want to stop, but I simply cant until everything is cleaned to perfect standard.
o People at work have noticed that I clean my desk and area daily. Not just a pick up but a thorough cleaning.
o My vehicle is cleaned daily even if it's clean to other people.
o The most embarrassing one is in my mind sometimes I feel that I must touch something more than once. A number will appear in my mind and I have to touch the certain object that amount of times or I feel something bad will happen to me or my family. So I usually look like a fool in public.
o The worse one I can think of is my head shaking/eye blinking. I sometimes continually shake my head up and down and bat my eyes quickly. I will get a number in my head and I feel that if I don't shake my head or blink my eyes that certain amount of times, something bad will happen to me or my family.
Like I said I was good at hiding it for years, but now it is very obvious. These are just a few things that come to my mind, I'm sure if you spoke with my family they would have a longer list. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't know why I am like this. No one in my bloodline family is like this. Not even close! Is there something I can do or take to slow down this OCD or what ever you think it is? Any information/guidance you prove will be greatly appreciated not only by me, but my family.