Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Not sure what to think

Posted In: Mental conditions 2 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • April 21, 2007
  • 04:17 PM

So I know at least at one point I suffered from really bad depression, that was in high school. Suicidal thoughts, attempts, I absolutely hated myself and my life, but at the same time I've always been a very logical thinking and I think that's what got me through that period somewhat. But since then up until about a year ago I would fall into major depression occasionally, I delt with it up until I had a complete break down alittle over a year ago. I didn't get out of bed for days to a week, I avoided all human contact, and that lasted about a month. Before this in between the periods of depression I would get waves of thoughts that would talking me into ways to have a better life that wouldn't make much sense when I looked back on them. Such as breaking up with my long term boyfriend that I love very much, buying silly expensive excercise equipment that I couldn't really afford, and other things of a more private nature I would look back on and not understand why I did it. So after this horrible pre mention month, my boyfriend who I had recently broken up with talked me into seeing someone. So I saw a phychristrist and a phychologist for about 6 months, and both diagnosised my with bi-polar. I refused medication at first, but after about a month the guy I saw convinced me it was the only why to get over this. After that I tried many different kinds of bi-polar meds, and a couple anti-depressants. After a while I decided that all they were doing were making me tired beyond function, and making me feel worse about myself. So I stopped seeing anyone for that reason and because I felt better. I had talked about stuff I had never voiced and I really didn't believe I was bipolar.

Now I feel pretty good about myself, I enjoy my life, and I am a less tense of a person. I have stopped yo-yoing with my boyfriend, now fiance. But, and heres why I'm posting, I still get periods where I sleep alot and never feel rested, and then a couples weeks later I can't sleep and am always wide awake. I do admit I still get discouraging thoughts, but I'm a 22 year old college student that puts myself in stressful situations. Mostly because I'm a horrible procrastinater and can't hardly ever concentrate when I tried to study. But even though I am stressed alot, I really do enjoy my life. So what I wonder is this the start of another depression episode, because I heard once you have a bad one its likely to happen again, or is this just a sleep problem? What do you guys think?

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2 Replies:

  • 20 years ago I was actually sent home from our evil conscription army, never to be bothered again. The paperwork said, bi-polar. "Psychotic" might have been closer. Since then many wonderful people have helped me, none of them shrinks. All old women - Sufi, Theosophical, Anthroposophical, Rosicrucian, Spiritual, Native etc. What I ended up relying on is a cognitive understanding of sanity, as a solid base.Today I understand how all the different parts of me work together, and why it's all good. Just like knowing how the programs on a PC work, and how to select the window I want, while the others can wait. Many things helped. I now understand my natal astrology, numerology, Michael chart, cheirology, and family issues back to the Boer War. I run my own company, no debt, going well enough. I have stunning friends. In short, I can now create sanity, so I can depend on it. There was a plan behind my trauma. Life is blessed.General knowledge is the main thing, especially about the esoteric side of culture. Buy "A Course in Miracles" - most bookstores know it and have it. Read it for its cultural importance. Just imagine, only one old lady came up with this great book. (I'm not surprised.) You will see how it raises your spirits while keeping you coherent.You may also want to read my sincere offerings (still unregistered) at:http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=13502and mostly repeated at:http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12876&page=2Take care :D
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi djphx,I'm not sure what to say about your situation. I'm 50 years old, male, and have dealt with chronic depression all my life. Like you, I went through 3 very bad years, last year of high school and first two years of college, when I thought about suicide most of the time. Psychiatric meds have helped my depression (finally); after 10 years of trying many, many meds, I'm now on stable doses of Lamictal and Wellbutrin, plus a low dose of Klonopin at bedtime for low-level anxiety that interferes with my sleep.But psychiatric meds aren't for everyone, and there are a distressing number of really bad psychiatrists out there. (Not to mention MDs without psychiatric training who prescribe psychiatric meds anyway, producing some really disastrous results.) So it sounds like you properly followed your inner guidance in backing away from meds and the bipolar diagnosis. On the other hand, don't close the door on the possibility that you may need to try psych meds again in the future.As to your fluctuating sleep cycles, my sense is that it's something out of balance in your system rather than a depressive episode as such. So before they post here (and they almost surely will, LOL), do a search for two users on the board named acuann and Eatafruit78. They are big advocates of, respectively, oriental medicine and allergy elimination as therapy for all kinds of problems. They've each posted hundreds of bits of advice, and if you read their posts, you may find something that will help you. And then when they show up here themselves, you can hear from them directly. :)
    AmateurHistorian 74 Replies Flag this Response
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