So I know at least at one point I suffered from really bad depression, that was in high school. Suicidal thoughts, attempts, I absolutely hated myself and my life, but at the same time I've always been a very logical thinking and I think that's what got me through that period somewhat. But since then up until about a year ago I would fall into major depression occasionally, I delt with it up until I had a complete break down alittle over a year ago. I didn't get out of bed for days to a week, I avoided all human contact, and that lasted about a month. Before this in between the periods of depression I would get waves of thoughts that would talking me into ways to have a better life that wouldn't make much sense when I looked back on them. Such as breaking up with my long term boyfriend that I love very much, buying silly expensive excercise equipment that I couldn't really afford, and other things of a more private nature I would look back on and not understand why I did it. So after this horrible pre mention month, my boyfriend who I had recently broken up with talked me into seeing someone. So I saw a phychristrist and a phychologist for about 6 months, and both diagnosised my with bi-polar. I refused medication at first, but after about a month the guy I saw convinced me it was the only why to get over this. After that I tried many different kinds of bi-polar meds, and a couple anti-depressants. After a while I decided that all they were doing were making me tired beyond function, and making me feel worse about myself. So I stopped seeing anyone for that reason and because I felt better. I had talked about stuff I had never voiced and I really didn't believe I was bipolar.
Now I feel pretty good about myself, I enjoy my life, and I am a less tense of a person. I have stopped yo-yoing with my boyfriend, now fiance. But, and heres why I'm posting, I still get periods where I sleep alot and never feel rested, and then a couples weeks later I can't sleep and am always wide awake. I do admit I still get discouraging thoughts, but I'm a 22 year old college student that puts myself in stressful situations. Mostly because I'm a horrible procrastinater and can't hardly ever concentrate when I tried to study. But even though I am stressed alot, I really do enjoy my life. So what I wonder is this the start of another depression episode, because I heard once you have a bad one its likely to happen again, or is this just a sleep problem? What do you guys think?
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