Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

No one can figure me out :(

Posted In: Mental conditions 22 Replies
  • Posted By: SociopathChristian
  • December 6, 2008
  • 03:04 AM

I`m new here I just registered like 10 minutes ago, I have some psychiatrik problems and it seems like no one kan figure me out. Ok first of all I have had a past history of harming animals and setting fires, i have done this since 12 or something. I get bored real easily and I kant hold any attention towards anything. This doctor said I cant plain ahead and kant follow any goals, which is true. I like to lie, and have been since 5, as I got older I was able to make my lies more complex, until ppl kant figure out if im telling the truth or not. I have also conned people for money and other selfish needs. I have been seeing things since I was 3, I have had a LONG history of suicide. I have had thoughts of suicide since the age of 6 and I dont know why, I began going to the psych. doctor when I was 15 and they said I was bipolar and schizophranic, there was no actual diagnosis. But then a week later they said I had psychosis, but then they said I had asbergers within a few weeks! The doctors seemed "scared" to give me a diagnosis. Anyway ive also had a long history of self injury, I`ve been cutting myself since I was 5, the last time I cut was last week. I also have had a long history of over eating or starving myself. I`ve been overweight since I was 5 and I really hate myself. Anyway Some of the doctors say I lack emotion or something, like my counscience shouldnt be "trusted" I think my couscience is damaged. I used to feel guilt and remorse last year but when I turned 20 Those emotions went cold now I dont feel bad at all, I feel like a ghost. Oh yea I also study serial killers kuz I`m obsessed with them :( my family often told me stories of murder and cannibalism as a child, and they also told me stories of satnik sexual orgies as a child. I was exposed to ***n at the age of 6, I saw an inest slasher film at that age. Anyway I dont know what`s up with me I dunno. Oh yea I also have the innability to make or keep freinds, So I take pictures of ppl or videotap ppl for memories sake :| Anyway any suggestions on what`s up with me? Replies would be nice :)

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  • you sound like borderline personality disorder. talk therapy might help a little.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 19, 2008
    • 00:56 AM
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  • Hey my friend, I would love to be your friend. I know what it is like to have problems and low self esteem. I am bipolar and I have some of the symptoms you describe...but not some of the bad ones. I think a very GOOD sign is that by coming in here, you are TRYING TO GET HELP and YOU DO CARE ENOUGH TO KNOW IT IS WRONG TO HAVE SOME OF THESE FEELINGS and you want to do something about it. What meds are you taking right now? I would talk to as many people as you can, and drive wherever it takes to get a good Psychiatrist. If you have insurance or money, or live in an area where they help people that can't afford care, or know of a good charity organization...check yourself into a hospital. What you are describing needs to be addressed. I had to drive 110 miles (across state lines) before I found the right diagnosis. It took 12 years. ALSO....Try to find a minister (the religion of your choice) with a counseling background. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU & YOU NEED TO TRY TO PRAY FOR YOURSELF. I believe in ****s and ****s loves sinners (we are all sinners). Even if you do not believe in him....ask him for help and maybe he will increase your faith. STAY IN TOUCH
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 19, 2008
    • 11:42 PM
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  • borderline personality disorder is more of an emotional rollar coaster, I`m kind of like a ghost, I barely feel anything, last night I heard that a girl at my church died while staring in a play, I showed no signs of sadness, yet everyone else around me was in tears, I didnt understand why they reacted the way they did.
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • December 20, 2008
    • 00:54 AM
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  • today i have been calm kuz im sick. If im sick all i do is lay n bed, I see a therapist, she`s aware of me torturing small animals and my past history of arson, anyway I`m sick bye
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • December 20, 2008
    • 02:26 AM
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  • hey sorry I havent given you all poo to work with when it comes to me so I`ll just give you a miserable story about my life, I was born 5 and 1/2 months early, My b.day is like may 15th, its supposed to be october or november. I spent like a year and a half in the hospital, when I was finally able to go home a 20ince tv fell through my head, I was taken tot he hospital and the doctor told my parents there was some brain damage, or something. Anyway when i was little I failed acamedically and socially, I could never make freinds and if I did it didnt last long. My parents took me out of school every time i fialed, refusing to do anything about it and not getting me a tutor. As a child my parents let me see horror films, they told me stories of incest and torture at the dinner table. My parents spoke of this subject matter as if it were normal. They talked about how women killed thier husbands and never went to jail, children killing thier parents and crap. Anyway Other family members of mine told me stories of ppl getting beaten to death in prison and stuff. Anyway when I was a kid I often thought of ways to torture myself, I eletricuted myself when I was little and I often slammed the door on my head. Then I tried to strangle myself but It didnt work. I saw this incest slasher film when I was like 6, this girl was having sex with her male siblings and then she killed then, I wasnt supervised well as a child, I bewgan self injurying at age 5. LOL,Also throughout the week I saw violent crap and sexual content shows my parents let me watch. But on sundays me and my parents went to church. Well things got odd becasue in my mind, the horror films and ****s got closer and closer until I began thinking that If I tortured myself I would get closer to ****s. Anyway it was pretty sad, torture and Christianity got mixed together. So I began hurting myself to get closer to God. I began thinking of ways to skin my own body. And I often fantasized of my parents stranlging me and beating me to death. Hanging me and setting me on fire, One time when I brought home a good grade, I gave them a butcher`s knife and asked them to sacrafice me. They didnt do anything, Anyway I began to have urges to rip the skin off dead animals and cover my room with dead animal skin. I had dreams of going to ***l when I was a child, I also began to hate my birthday and fantasized being born in december. Uh....lets see I halusinated at like 4 I day dreamed about killing animals as a child. Uh.....I started lying as soon as I could talk....um...thats kind of it for now.
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • December 23, 2008
    • 04:34 AM
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  • Hi SociopathChristian,first, i admire your courage in bearing your soul so publicly like that. you're talking about stuff that's shaped you as a person from when you were a kid. and about thoughts of destruction and violent impulses. it's really hard to have friends when most people around you are "normal" and kids are little b*****ds. you've had a tough life - how were you supposed to do well in school when you were watching horrifying things all the time at home? that's not your fault. there's a reason kids shouldn't watch those things - they get hurt. eventually the hurt grows so much that you start not feeling anything. and it's a 2 way system - you can make it go the other way. you obviously want to since you're asking for help. i think you got some good advice there about seeing a priest or a therapist. if you can work to be as honest to someone in person as you can here, you will get the help you want to let you start enjoying life. i know it sounds cliche but there are loads of people in the world who see things the way you do and who have the same thoughts - there is another person like you, feeling exactly the same way somewhere else . if you even try to think about another person feeling the same way you do and knowing that you feel the same way as them, you'll be a step closer to be able to relate better to other people and find people that get you.good luck!hey sorry I havent given you all poo to work with when it comes to me so I`ll just give you a miserable story about my life, I was born 5 and 1/2 months early, My b.day is like may 15th, its supposed to be october or november. I spent like a year and a half in the hospital, when I was finally able to go home a 20ince tv fell through my head, I was taken tot he hospital and the doctor told my parents there was some brain damage, or something. Anyway when i was little I failed acamedically and socially, I could never make freinds and if I did it didnt last long. My parents took me out of school every time i fialed, refusing to do anything about it and not getting me a tutor. As a child my parents let me see horror films, they told me stories of incest and torture at the dinner table. My parents spoke of this subject matter as if it were normal. They talked about how women killed thier husbands and never went to jail, children killing thier parents and crap. Anyway Other family members of mine told me stories of ppl getting beaten to death in prison and stuff. Anyway when I was a kid I often thought of ways to torture myself, I eletricuted myself when I was little and I often slammed the door on my head. Then I tried to strangle myself but It didnt work. I saw this incest slasher film when I was like 6, this girl was having sex with her male siblings and then she killed then, I wasnt supervised well as a child, I bewgan self injurying at age 5. LOL,Also throughout the week I saw violent crap and sexual content shows my parents let me watch. But on sundays me and my parents went to church. Well things got odd becasue in my mind, the horror films and ****s got closer and closer until I began thinking that If I tortured myself I would get closer to ****s. Anyway it was pretty sad, torture and Christianity got mixed together. So I began hurting myself to get closer to God. I began thinking of ways to skin my own body. And I often fantasized of my parents stranlging me and beating me to death. Hanging me and setting me on fire, One time when I brought home a good grade, I gave them a butcher`s knife and asked them to sacrafice me. They didnt do anything, Anyway I began to have urges to rip the skin off dead animals and cover my room with dead animal skin. I had dreams of going to ***l when I was a child, I also began to hate my birthday and fantasized being born in december. Uh....lets see I halusinated at like 4 I day dreamed about killing animals as a child. Uh.....I started lying as soon as I could talk....um...thats kind of it for now.
    Cabria 2 Replies
    • January 7, 2009
    • 06:12 PM
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  • hihi thanks for the reply today I went to work and it was rough as usual. Everyone there just looks at me funny, I cut my legs while in the bathroom. I dont care LOL, Anyway all I say at my job is I`m getting worse and I need a drink. I look depressed almost all the time and oh yea my face looks the same almost all the time. I kan smile and crap but I dont make many facial expressions. Anyway heres some more info. I`m masterbating A LOT lately, I just kant stop doing this. I dont know why but I kant reach my climax, It takes like......a few hours to you know what. Its kind of sad, Anyway i`m seeing a therapist and shes cool lol. ANyway I have a youtube, facebook, andmyspace account. Anyway I`m working on my 4th novel, its a romance novel. I`m trying to write more material that doesnt force me to use the parental advisory warning. Anyway uh.....ooh yea ive been trying to forget serial killer`s birthday. Joel Rifkin`s b.day is January 20th, Robert Berdella`s b.day is January 31st. Anwyay I make videos to serial killers I dont know why I do this but I`m addicted to serial killers :\ Anyway um I`ma psychosexual I like animals and stuff, I`ve been like that since, I`ve been trying to stop looking at zoosex vids but I kind of think about girls and animals. Anyway I`ve been throwing away my serial killer books, I had one on Jeffery Dahmer and I threw it away. Anyway I get bored easily and even though I read it. Well Anyway I like this girl at work she`s a christian lol, she`s horrified of me and doesnt trust me around small animals. I almost killed an animal the other day, I went to the petstore and was gona buy this turtle, but the turtle looked stupid and it was mostly in a shell. Even the bottom side was a shell!!!!! I just couldnt spend the time opening the shell, I had armed myself with a razor thingy. But I threw it away and got myself some food. But then when i was on the highway I saw A CRAP load of road kill!!! I could have brought them home with me but I had no equipement :( K bye
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • January 8, 2009
    • 03:47 AM
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  • you sound like borderline personality disorder. talk therapy might help a little.I’ve done a lot of research in this area and have been diagnosed with B.P.D. myself! This does NOT sound like B.P.D. Contrary to the oh so very vexing and disheartening stigma, B.P.D. typically does not induce wanton violence for violence’s or even entertainment’s sake.Frankly, I’d rather harm myself than any animal any day!!! Borderlines are all about hot/cold... so they typically have this genuine saintly soft side that people can sometimes mistake as being false and/or "manipulative". The borderlines rage is usually more vindictive and in the moment, how ever exaggerated it’s generally not in the sadistic range.Some are more violent or kind then others, but the "cold" is typically not to this extent nor as rampant, predominant, and unrelenting. Out of all the PDs this sounds more like antisocial personality disorder. But this could be a little more biological… and complex. P.S. For the record, I’m not biased. I do admit that there are some nasty Borderline/Antisocial and Borderline/Narcissism cases out there. But from what I’ve read… nothing *specifically* indicates the work of B.P.D. P.P.S. My apologies if I offend anyone with Antisocial P.D. or the poster of this thread. I’m aware that people with certain conditions have a reduced capacity for ethical behaviour.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 15, 2009
    • 03:50 AM
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  • ok Anti-Social, well I Havent recieved the psychopathy checklisting, but I`d probably score high, probably like 35-37. Anyway I have never been diagnosed with any conduct disorder as a child, but as a child I had an interest in arson and killing small animals, and lying, and I wanted to play with road kill. Anyway I`m busy right now kuz I`m trying to publish my book, well todays harold shipman`s b.day :D k bye
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • January 15, 2009
    • 04:25 AM
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  • Howdy there! Here's some info on anti social pd just in case you're wondering. Diagnostic Features: Antisocial Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by persistent disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood. Deceit and manipulation are central features of this disorder. For this diagnosis to be given, the individual must be at least 18, and must have had some symptoms of Conduct Disorder (i.e., delinquency) before age 15. This disorder is only diagnosed when these behaviors become persistent and very disabling or distressing. This disorder is more common among first-degree biological relatives of those with the disorder than in the general population. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, pp. 649-650) describes Antisocial Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest; deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure; impulsivity or failure to plan ahead; irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults; reckless disregard for safety of self or others; . consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations; lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.Though in my opinion, a tv to the head at such a young age ought to do it to you. You probably sustained damage to parts of the cortex and prefrontal cortex, which is where the conscience resides. And on top of it all, your environment wasn’t exactly wholesome.You did feel remorse several years ago; I suspect that your mind might have suppressed what capacity for remorse you did have. With everything that you’ve been through, I’m very surprised you’re here. You had this desire as a child to be close to ****s, a symbol of good and not of evil. If you’re a raging psychopath, I think you’re the friendliest one I’ve ever met. There's hope for you yet!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 16, 2009
    • 02:09 AM
    • 0
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  • As for the thing with ****s, my parents allowed Horror films and Religion to get to close together, where at 7 they were kind of mixed together. I began thinking that I needed to torture myself to get closer to ****s. I practice hanging myself and I tried to find ways to impale myself at a young age, but I got disorganized. As for now, I cut myself pretty much everyday, I actually see my therapist tomorow morning. Anyway I dont understand that symptom thingy, cause its worded odd and I dont think it applies to me.Anyway I`ll give you a list of interests and such and how I handle things and how I think ways should be1. I only see animals as things, I dont know why animal cruelty is wrong. I actual think it should be encouraged, and I think animal abuse is funny and dont see how it kan be "illegal"2. I see humans as tools, I didnt notice that until like uh.....2wks ago? Like my dad for instance, I really dont see him as "dad" I dont even see him as being human. I just see him as a way for me to drive around the city, see I have my liscence and drive around, but if I get lost I`ll call him to help me get back home, thats about all I see him as, a naviagational system thats for free! Other than that I could care less about him life and I certainly dont value him. So yea, he`s like a tool to help me get by.3. As for a conduct disorder, I was never taken to a child psych. Despite me wanting to kill animals, lie, commit arson, and torture myself in the name of ***********t, my parents saw no concern and encouraged the behavior. Anyway I havent gotten in trouble with no law enfourcment ppl. (I HATE COPS!) I dont have a criminal record, I try to understand why some stuff is "illegal" but no matter how hard I try to see if you alls way (soceitys) I kant see how stuff can be actually bad. like graveyard robbery, I dont see how that kan be illegal. Infact I dont consider ppl would take that, it confuses me when I see ppl on the news for graveyard robbery or arson. But I just sit back and be quiet4. As for fights, I used to get into fights when I was little, I was pretty violent, I actually talked about bringing a chainsaw to school and cutting ppl up LOL, ppl just laughed at me. I wasnt in school that much so I wasnt around ppl. I`m more of a talker, I like to talk my way out of stuff, or into stuff. I have no problem gettting into a fight, but I`d much rather stay away from pppl.5. I`ve known about anti-social personality since I was 14, but I didnt know what a conduct disorder was lol. Im obsessed with serial killers, my favorite one is Jeffrey Dahmer. He dissected road kill and stuff pretty cool.6. If I had a counscience theres something wrong with it, I dont rely on my counscience at all, I rely on how other ppl would handle situations, if it were up to me, I`d be as reckless as poo. (But without the violence!) Anyway if i Had a counscience that worked all the time I guess my life wouldnt be as chatoik or borderline crazy.7. I`m 20 right now but I`ll be 21 in a few months, so that means I`ll beable to drink. I know good and well I`ll be goin to bars and getting drunk. :P8. I kant make or keep freinds worth crap, which is one of the core and deeper reasons why I think my problems will escalte until I`m on the news. I`m actually a pretty average person, If iam an anti-social personality. I`m "non violent" type. I dont feel like doing much and I`m pretty much laid back, lazy, unmotivated, disorganized, chronically bored, and depressed. If you could spend a day with me I wouldnt say much, infact I wouldnt even talk to you. I`d be lost in my own thougghts I`ll be shy as crap and I wouldnt wanna do anything. I`ll just do whatever u wanna do.9. I`ve been writing since I was 12, even at that time it was ULTRA violent, now I`m tryin to write novels that isnt so brutal. so yea10. I like looking at adult swim and I`m on youtube alot, anyway I have a youtube account. I spend hours looking at piktures of girls. I`m tryin to like girls but its not working. I mostly like girls and animals together. Anyway I`ve been molested like 13x and I was in a room where freinds jerked off infront of me lol. Anyway uh...this one guy wanted to have sex with me and two of my freinds (who later molested me) assumed I was gay and went on to play my video games. The guy ddidnt do crap, but it was the beginnning of sexual torment. Oh yea my dad told me stories of rape and pedophilia when he caught me with ***n. Maybe thats why I look at zoophilia ***n.11. Oh yea I seem to be indifferent, like if I saw someone got arrested I wouldnt care and would think eveyrting would be normal. Yet see everyone looked horrified, it confuses me. eVEN last week at the club this guy was on the floor bleeding, I was so happy to see this I laughed and tried to take some piks, everyone looked different than me, but they didnt matter. Anyway he was bleeding and crap, I didnt even care about his state of well being that didnt matter, I was just happy with what I saw.12. I have an addiction towards snuff films, snuff films are movies that videotape ppl getting killed. Its sold as ***n but it really isnt. I bought 3 but they were fake, I had a real one called cannical halocaust. I got bored with al of them and gave them to someone else at my job.13. Sometimes i TRy to buy freinds, I`ll charm ppl than kan stand to talk to me, really begging for freindship. Its really desperation, but I kant help but to cling on to them because I kan use them for something. If they kant get me anything than I`m not interesgted in them. I`ll just be cold towards that person.14. Um......thats kind of it, oh yea I had like 110 horror films and looked aT THEM ALot then I threw them away.15. I also listened to horrorcore rap which was violent and talked about sucide and gore stuff but I got bored with that, I`m not tryin to listen to more mainstream rap. Some of its ok, :p16. Oh yea I take pictures of ppl to hold meemories of them. Kuz I know deep down inside I wont beable to talk to them and stuff :(
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • January 16, 2009
    • 05:15 AM
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  • hey heres an email I sent to one of my online freinds, k see ya. :Dgood, we are gona work on socializing skills. Kuz she knows its hard for me. Today was good, I talked about the ppl at work and how they make me feel. I told her when ppl ask me if I have a torture chamber and crap how that doesnt bother me, but I told her what bothers me when ppl stare at me and nothing is said. i told her that was annoying. I`m still doing the cognitive behavioral therapy. Anyway She wants me to go to panera bread and see what happens. Thats it for now, anyway I just got off of work, chrystal`s mom was there, I told her that I`m talking to someone and shes helping me to socialize more, she actuall said she was really happy to hear that, and she was at church last week and thought about me and prayed for me :D Anyway chrystal was at work today. I barely talked to anyone, I kind of talked to chrystal tonight. Right before I clocked out some of the other co-workers who were off tonight all walked up to chrystal and talked to her just like that, they all got alone, all this was done right infront of me. I even said "this was killing me" Chrystal said what was killing you. When I clocked out chrystal was just sitting there so I bouht a drink, I told her how does she talk ppl so easily, she looked puzzled, she said just say hi. I told her that its those type of things that will destroy him within 2 years. I almost cried infront of her, but I just walked out the store and went bak home. Well I`m going to go tot he club, I`m brning my camera. K see ya :D
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • January 17, 2009
    • 03:06 AM
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  • Well, when it comes to the whole antisocial thing I still think there's a good chance that you might have it because you only need to meet three of the criteria. But you're right. If you do have A.P.D. you're not the typical case.Though the environment you were in definitely played a role in the shaping of your mind. I really think there was harm done before then.See, it is commonly believed that if you do have a personality disorder that you born with the genetic predisposition for it but the environment served as trigger. But because you sustained brain injury, this might have not been the case for you. It makes perfect sense!!! See, your bodily movements or any of your senses weren't affected. It seems like the only harm done was to your thinking processes (from what you've said). And possibly it was this injury that might have done some damage to your conscience. Why does that make perfect sense?Well, the prefrontal cortex (conscience is situated there) and cortex (thinking) are right beside each other with one in the front of the other!It is possible that this caused your predisposition for A.P.D. or that you might not even have A.P.D. One things for sure, you don't seem to be very psychologically developed. See, when we're around a year old we don't have the capacity to perceive humans as humans or even beings. We tend to perceive them as objects and tools around and a bit before this age. At around this time we also perceive others as being an extension of ourselves. It's possible for adults to be arrested in development. And it's not too likely that they'll be able to realize all that I just mentioned. Narcissists and A.P.D.s are like this and might not even realize it but the evidence is in their actions in that they often treat and see people as being objects and an extension of themselves! But here's something you probably didn't expect!See, infants are also incapable of seeing themselves as beings and see themselves as objects/tools. The very second the infants gains psychological awareness and realizes they're not object or tools they automatically can't see others in that way either! It's not possible to after that point! So what most Narcissists and A.P.D.s don't realize and (probably wouldn't want to) is that subconsciously they don't really see themselves as human beings either. They see themselves as being objects/tools.It's possible that due to you're injury (or combo of injury and environment) you're not as developed as you should be. Now for part 2!!!Why is killing wrong!?!? And why are people so "weird"!?!?First we have to establish that if someones is trapped in one of the developing psychological stages it has a profound impact on how the perceive and react to the world!!Your mind functions VERY differently from most people in many ways because those seemingly simple traits that I mentioned affect other elements in your mind and those elements affect others and it's all very very very complicated.Let's look at an example that really concerns you and the theme of part 2.Violence! Ok, so for example I sometimes analyze things to death and feel rather numb. Because the human mind always needs stimulation, I get especially analytical when I'm feeling numb to make up for the emotional stimulation that I don't feel. A.P.D.s and similar people don't get the same stimulation that normal people do when they interact with people because their minds aren't up to that level so violence can serve as stimulation for them. Also, it's very likely that these people have certain biological characteristics within their brains that makes violence and risky behaviour all the more thrilling for them. For them, it's not that they're hurt or even angry, violence is just fun. Why do people feel that harming others is wrong? The vast majority of humans are more psychologically developed to the point where they don't have such a strong affinity with violence and they are also more emotionally sensitive in response to others just because *everything* changes when the mind perceives others as individual human beings!! But there's the more biological reason that most people have conscience intact and uninjured. So let's say I go and randomly attack someone, they'd feel emotionally hurt (not just pride injured) and very afraid because for most people violence isn't the choice stimulation when they can experience deeper emotional interaction with others. And... because in their mind I'm not just some object that attacked them, and they don't perceive themselves as objects. A narcissists or A.P.D. or similar people on the other hand might experience their pride being injured, but nothing more!!Another reason why people *feel* that harming others is wrong is empathy!WHY ON EARTH DO PEOPLE HURT WHEN OTHERS HURT? It doesn't make any ***n sense!?!?!?!?Gaaaah! I DON'T GET IT!Well, ok. Remember how I said that when someone considers themselves a human being that they'll consider others that as well.It's because a lot of things in the human mind work both ways.Well sympathy is kind of like that, people know what it's like to hurt and when others do they remember what it was like for them to feel pain. There's a good reason for this but it's a little complicated and I've written a lot. If you still want to know just say so.So harming others is wrong because peoples minds feel and function in a way that makes getting harmed by others very painful and because of that structure in the brain, the conscience. If everyone was just like you than harming others wouldn't be seen as wrong and no one would be punished for killing or torturing anyone.Why do most of us even have a conscience?!?!?Scientifically... If we didn't then there would be a heck of a lot more killing and that wouldn't help the survival of the species. Also, if it weren't for empathy we might just let injured people die and we wouldn't get along with each other. If everyone had A.P.D. then people would be constantly being risky and harming themselves and others. Civilization would be impossible! We wouldn't cooperate tempers would flare and therefore we probably wouldn't be very technologically advance. We'd live in the dark ages at best! At worst, we'd be a failed species.So I tried not to be too wordy and I hope I've helped clear somethings up.And who were you referring to in your letter when you were talking about the "about to cry" bit?
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 26, 2009
    • 08:48 PM
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  • In my opinion it looks like you need a new hobby. You have had all these things in your mind for years. Try doing something else like taking guitar lessons and learning songs that don't have anything to do with that stuff.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2009
    • 00:20 AM
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  • Hey you guys sorry I havent made an update in the past few weeks. Heres a number of things i`ve been doing and crap 1. I`m more mean to small animals etc. I like to mess with them and crap 2. My driving has been pretty reckless, have not been paying attention while driving 3. I keep on wanting to drink beer, I get one of my freinds at work to get me some. As soon as night falls, I drink it all up 4. I`ve been drinking while intoxicated LOL, And have been driving good so far. 5. Last week I got into an auto accident, no I wasnt drinking, but I slid on some patch of ice and I almost slammed into on comming traffik, I crashed my car into the far right side of the highway. 6. I hate valentines day! PPl at my job are all happy, talking about spending time with thier BF or GF. They know I have no friends and have never had a GF and am a virgin LOL. 7. Last week while I over heard some of the female co-workers talking about going on a date after work, I told them I was gonna right a suicide note. They laughed at me and I was desperate for a 40 OZ of buswizer 8. I` bought some lighters and was gonna set some fires, but im too bored and to lazy to do so. 9. When I got into that car crash my parents were making a big deal about it, I couldnt see the harm in getting into a car crash. I even laughed at the fact that I got into a car crash, and that was when I was stuck in my car. My shoulder is messed up though 10. I was sent to the hospital on thursday, I strained my shoulder so I`ve been off work for a few days, ill be returning tomorow 11. After the car crash i have been more careful and such, im driving with my seat belt on and ive been watching the road more. 12. I`ve been looking at more ***n, not that im addicted, but ive been looking at a ***n involving humans. Ever since i was little I always liked to see humans have sexual relations with animals....ive been trying to change this sexual behavior 13. I`ve been having more dreams about girls, pretty off stuff. Not used to that, more used to dreams of torture and all that crap. 14. I still take piks of ppl, but not as much, mostly bekuz I`m not aroudn ppl due to the shoulder injury. Its my only way to keeping ppl with me. 15. Going to the club has been empty as usual, the ppl there stare at me, even the working make glances here and there, I just wanna take piks of ppl and feel complete. 16. I`ve been feeling so empty for days in a row that I feel anxiious. In this state of mind i`m looking for something yet I dont know what it is. 17. I`m taking things from places now, I took 10 dollars from my grandma`s house. laast week I was in her garage looking for some stuff to take home with me. (Power tools) well her stuff was old and ugly so I stopped while I was ahead and got bored. 18. I`m now starting to enjoy the out doors, due to the car crash i was stuck in t he house for 2dys straight. I was so bored and so helpless I was DYING to go outside. 19. I`ve been trying to make a consentrated effort to be responsible and crap. 20. I`m enrolling in a weight loss program for college aged students (im 20) yay.... 21. I`m going to GED classes more...so yea..
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • February 9, 2009
    • 05:30 PM
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  • to me it sounds like either border line personality disorder or physcosis. However i can say for a fact that u have aspergers just based on ur response to the girl at ur church. That and not understanding reactions. So u do have Aspergers for sure. I also think you may have bipolar. I am mentally ill myself and so are all of my friends. Some have these disorders and u seem to fit into them perfectly.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 14, 2009
    • 07:27 AM
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  • i only have 2 symptoms of borderline personality, I was diaGNOSEd as schiziod but now thats in question, it was believed I had bipolar but it appears I didnt. As for psychosis, I was diagnosed as that and didnt even know it! I have like 2-3 symptoms of that disorder. So I guess I have none of these, I keep on looking for something, I dont know what I`m looking for in life but I think I`m looking for something that will complete me. I feel empty and bored alot or all the time, so I do stuff to bring me out of my bordom or try to feel complete. Well the only way to bring me out of my boredom is being chatoic, lying and tricking ppl for money or etc. Arson, torturing animals and self injury. I dont know what I`M LOOking for in life, Its like I have no purpose :\ oh yea Alchohol fills me up :)
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • February 14, 2009
    • 11:18 PM
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  • hey I didnt read that, too much :P anyway heres an update 1. ive been taking pictures of a counselor at this place I go to, she`s 53 or something and she was wearing pantyhose today. I like pantyhose! So i took piks of her and jerked off of her in the parking lot 2. I almost killed a dog last weekend, I threw some food at it and I chased it down the street with a butcher`s knife, it was midnight 3. I was planning on stealing a math booklet from school so I kan study it more and get my GED, but I was sick that day and didnt leave the house 4. I went to the club and wasnt socializingn well, but in the end I hung aroud two drunk girls who was causing chaos, I felt like I was apart of something! 5. I`m giong to church this thursday 6. I cut myself 300x last week 7. I`ve been trying to look foward to some days off and spending time with famly 8. I`ve been tryign to make some effort to follow goals, but always fall short 9. I havent excersised like I`ve been planning to 10. All I`ve been wanting to do is drink, When my b.day comes....my problems are gonna get worse 11. I`m not spending my money like I used to, whats the use? I get bored with stuff 12. I kant masterbate well, Its hard for me to get erect, and I almost never do. When I climax I barely notice 13.I`ve been looking at animals have sex on youtubr and ***n sites, its hot 14. Today I failed my math test, so I had the math teacher show me how to answe the answers correctly, Meanwhile I was copying down all of correct answers on a peice of paper! So this way I will earn a high score, and will get my GED and I kan go to college! I figured, if it benefits me, than why not? :D
    SociopathChristian 10 Replies
    • February 24, 2009
    • 00:11 AM
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  • I`m new here I just registered like 10 minutes ago, I have some psychiatrik problems and it seems like no one kan figure me out. Ok first of all I have had a past history of harming animals and setting fires, i have done this since 12 or something. I get bored real easily and I kant hold any attention towards anything. This doctor said I cant plain ahead and kant follow any goals, which is true. I like to lie, and have been since 5, as I got older I was able to make my lies more complex, until ppl kant figure out if im telling the truth or not. I have also conned people for money and other selfish needs. I have been seeing things since I was 3, I have had a LONG history of suicide. I have had thoughts of suicide since the age of 6 and I dont know why, I began going to the psych. doctor when I was 15 and they said I was bipolar and schizophranic, there was no actual diagnosis. But then a week later they said I had psychosis, but then they said I had asbergers within a few weeks! The doctors seemed "scared" to give me a diagnosis. Anyway ive also had a long history of self injury, I`ve been cutting myself since I was 5, the last time I cut was last week. I also have had a long history of over eating or starving myself. I`ve been overweight since I was 5 and I really hate myself. Anyway Some of the doctors say I lack emotion or something, like my counscience shouldnt be "trusted" I think my couscience is damaged. I used to feel guilt and remorse last year but when I turned 20 Those emotions went cold now I dont feel bad at all, I feel like a ghost. Oh yea I also study serial killers kuz I`m obsessed with them :( my family often told me stories of murder and cannibalism as a child, and they also told me stories of satnik sexual orgies as a child. I was exposed to ***n at the age of 6, I saw an inest slasher film at that age. Anyway I dont know what`s up with me I dunno. Oh yea I also have the innability to make or keep freinds, So I take pictures of ppl or videotap ppl for memories sake :| Anyway any suggestions on what`s up with me? Replies would be nice :)I would suggest you seek the evaluation from a forensic psychotherapist.....depending on where u live, that could be a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • September 3, 2009
    • 00:44 AM
    • 0
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  • Honey, you have some of the traits of a person with criminal psychosis--and need to get help before you become a serial killer. That is what all this is leading up to. Tell your parents to make you an appt. soon. There's a much better life for you than this....if you let it go, prison awaits, and that's ugly my friend. I don't mean to be harsh--just keeping it real. God bless you man. ****s loves you-and He wants you to get help.
    jakkiblu 1 Replies
    • September 30, 2009
    • 00:03 AM
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