Hi, I'm a 19 year old guy and I urgently need help pinpointing this mental disorder which I'm suffering.
I grew up in a somewhat violent household, watching my parents fight often. My father is an extremely selfish and ABUSIVE man who always sought his own interests. He would physically and verbally abuse my mother often. Since I was a kid, I've always also been somewhat like my father insofar that I would shout abusive words often and throw angry tantrums when the smallest things didn't go my way and I would also kick and hurt my mother often.
At school, I always had very little interest in studies and would not do very well in class and that affected the way many teachers treated me. Other than that, I was socially very outgoing and extroverted, had lots of friends at school and generally had a very good social life. I was witty and humourous and most kids probably thought of me as the "class clown."
Even as a child I had times when, when something even slightly bad would happen, like, when I would be scolded or told off, I would be deeply hurt inside, even at very small things. So I was very "sensitive" sometimes. And sometimes, not regularly but occasionally, I would have times when something happened that I did not want, I would blow up into uncontrollable anger.
Up till I was 13 years old, everything was fairly normal except I changed my school. During that time, my parents had gotten a new computer and i slowly began spending more and more time on it playing games or browsing the net for long hours.
At 14, Lots of things happened. I began to be somewhat less outgoing. At my new school, all the kids in my class were terrible bullies and hoodlums of the worst kind. They were also very lewd. I hated school and it was very distressing for me to attend class. Slowly, it so happened that I did not want to go to school anymore and even at home I began to become a recluse and spent most of the time in my room with the computer, not venturing out a lot to even talk with my family. Also, the rage I would experience sometimes in childhood worsened considerably. Even at small things, I would get irritated quickly and tension would fill up in my head and I would start to break things, like furniture and the washing machine, etc.
I also, for the first time in my life, began to suffer severe depression. Most of my time would be spent in my room, depressed. I wouldn't be depressed everyday though, I would be depressed for a few days, and some days I would feel energetic and active and restless and hyper and have "racing thoughts", and think about doing creative things, like redecorating the house, etc. though I didn't leave my room a lot. (I don't know if the racing thoughts etc. that I had qualify as mania?). I also started spending most of my time fantasizing about things I didn't have, e.g. girlfriend, friends. I would also think lots of "grand thoughts" - wishing about being famous, like a star, etc. Also, during this time I noticed that the way I talked to people had changed, I spoke logically and clearly but it was like I had dry mouth and I had to repeat myself more than once after which they understood what I was saying. This went away after a few months and I do not know if this is relevant to the problem. My sleep pattern also became very irregular and I would often sleep in the day and be awake at night. And I also developed a slight phobia of sleeping. I didn't like going to sleep and losing consciousness.
At 15, I could just not bear anymore to go to school and flat out refused to go. My mother and sister, noticing that I had become socially withdrawn, consulted a psychiatrist, who without ever having seen me or talked to me, gave her a couple medicines - Olanzapine and Risperidone, which he told her to mix in milk and give it to me to drink. It helped alleviate some of the symptoms as in I wouldn't rage and also soothed the social withdrawal a bit. This medicine continued for some time.
At 16-17, I experienced a beautiful religious conversion where I came to know Our Lord, ***********t, and having been an atheist all my life, it was sweet and wonderful to me to know that there was a God, ****s, and I came to know and love him. I read the Bible often in those days and would go to Church. My mother, this time taking me with her, consulted another psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Schizophrenia and also said that my newfound "religiosity" was also caused by the disorder, which I believe to be completely untrue. For a year from then we continued taking only Risperidone on which I didn't have terrible rages and since I started going to Church often, it also possibly helped with the social withdrawal. Also, I have never in my life ever experienced any psychotic symptoms, like hearing voices, seeing things, etc. I was also experiencing terrible side effects from the medicine (severe headaches, constipation), and though I earnestly asked to be taken off it, the doctor was extremely reluctant and wouldn't even give an alternative medicine.
I'm almost 19 now, shy of two months, and recently we consulted another doctor who says he believes the problem is a mood disorder, possibly bipolar type 2 in which there is milder "hypomanic" phase.
I would like if someone can help me figure out what this illness is as I want a proper diagnosis. Thank you.
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