Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

need help figuring out illness..!

Posted In: Mental conditions 3 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • August 25, 2010
  • 01:14 AM

Hi, I'm a 19 year old guy and I urgently need help pinpointing this mental disorder which I'm suffering.

I grew up in a somewhat violent household, watching my parents fight often. My father is an extremely selfish and ABUSIVE man who always sought his own interests. He would physically and verbally abuse my mother often. Since I was a kid, I've always also been somewhat like my father insofar that I would shout abusive words often and throw angry tantrums when the smallest things didn't go my way and I would also kick and hurt my mother often.

At school, I always had very little interest in studies and would not do very well in class and that affected the way many teachers treated me. Other than that, I was socially very outgoing and extroverted, had lots of friends at school and generally had a very good social life. I was witty and humourous and most kids probably thought of me as the "class clown."

Even as a child I had times when, when something even slightly bad would happen, like, when I would be scolded or told off, I would be deeply hurt inside, even at very small things. So I was very "sensitive" sometimes. And sometimes, not regularly but occasionally, I would have times when something happened that I did not want, I would blow up into uncontrollable anger.

Up till I was 13 years old, everything was fairly normal except I changed my school. During that time, my parents had gotten a new computer and i slowly began spending more and more time on it playing games or browsing the net for long hours.

At 14, Lots of things happened. I began to be somewhat less outgoing. At my new school, all the kids in my class were terrible bullies and hoodlums of the worst kind. They were also very lewd. I hated school and it was very distressing for me to attend class. Slowly, it so happened that I did not want to go to school anymore and even at home I began to become a recluse and spent most of the time in my room with the computer, not venturing out a lot to even talk with my family. Also, the rage I would experience sometimes in childhood worsened considerably. Even at small things, I would get irritated quickly and tension would fill up in my head and I would start to break things, like furniture and the washing machine, etc.

I also, for the first time in my life, began to suffer severe depression. Most of my time would be spent in my room, depressed. I wouldn't be depressed everyday though, I would be depressed for a few days, and some days I would feel energetic and active and restless and hyper and have "racing thoughts", and think about doing creative things, like redecorating the house, etc. though I didn't leave my room a lot. (I don't know if the racing thoughts etc. that I had qualify as mania?). I also started spending most of my time fantasizing about things I didn't have, e.g. girlfriend, friends. I would also think lots of "grand thoughts" - wishing about being famous, like a star, etc. Also, during this time I noticed that the way I talked to people had changed, I spoke logically and clearly but it was like I had dry mouth and I had to repeat myself more than once after which they understood what I was saying. This went away after a few months and I do not know if this is relevant to the problem. My sleep pattern also became very irregular and I would often sleep in the day and be awake at night. And I also developed a slight phobia of sleeping. I didn't like going to sleep and losing consciousness.

At 15, I could just not bear anymore to go to school and flat out refused to go. My mother and sister, noticing that I had become socially withdrawn, consulted a psychiatrist, who without ever having seen me or talked to me, gave her a couple medicines - Olanzapine and Risperidone, which he told her to mix in milk and give it to me to drink. It helped alleviate some of the symptoms as in I wouldn't rage and also soothed the social withdrawal a bit. This medicine continued for some time.

At 16-17, I experienced a beautiful religious conversion where I came to know Our Lord, ***********t, and having been an atheist all my life, it was sweet and wonderful to me to know that there was a God, ****s, and I came to know and love him. I read the Bible often in those days and would go to Church. My mother, this time taking me with her, consulted another psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Schizophrenia and also said that my newfound "religiosity" was also caused by the disorder, which I believe to be completely untrue. For a year from then we continued taking only Risperidone on which I didn't have terrible rages and since I started going to Church often, it also possibly helped with the social withdrawal. Also, I have never in my life ever experienced any psychotic symptoms, like hearing voices, seeing things, etc. I was also experiencing terrible side effects from the medicine (severe headaches, constipation), and though I earnestly asked to be taken off it, the doctor was extremely reluctant and wouldn't even give an alternative medicine.

I'm almost 19 now, shy of two months, and recently we consulted another doctor who says he believes the problem is a mood disorder, possibly bipolar type 2 in which there is milder "hypomanic" phase.

I would like if someone can help me figure out what this illness is as I want a proper diagnosis. Thank you.

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  • I want to clarify a few things. By depression, I mean that I would cry profusely and uncontrollably and think extremely negative thoughts, such as No one loves me or cares about me, I have no one who is close to me, etc. My thoughts were extremely negative. Also it would be like, I would cry for a few hours, sometimes the severe low mood would persist for few days. But there were definitely days when my mood would be better, almost normal.Also, the social withdrawal was not so severe as I might have implied in my first post. I would spend a lot of time everyday talking and chatting with people on the internet, and that is also a type of "social interaction," I believe. So it's not that my social interaction was nil. I did not have too many friends at the new school, so I sought other ways of interaction. I have always loved talking to people and I still spend lots of time chatting with people, even if it's on a computer. I would also enjoy watching movies, listening to music, and reading stuff. So it's not that I didn't have any activities, only problem was that I did not go out much. But I think me being withdrawn is a secondary symptom stemming from depressive tendencies.And I have never lost the desire to form relationships or friends. Even when I was suffering from depression, I would be upset that there was no one close to me and I wished to have friends.I stopped taking all medication three days ago and I have also seen a new psych doctor. After having taken medicine, on and off, for so long, suddenly stopping them gave me withdrawal symptoms. For three days, I would sweat excessively and my whole body was freezing inside as if it was winter and I had the air conditioning on at max. (I feel better today and not so cold) Also day before yesterday at night my mom was shouting about my mental problems and I had an intense spell of depression for about an hour where I locked the room and cried, again thinking very negative thoughts like "the disorder had ruined my whole life" and I would never "experience any happy things or get any joy from life". Also I was suffering severe anxiety till morning when I had an appointment with the new doc. (My mood improved after that and I'm normal atm) Also, since I stopped meds, I've noticed that I suffer from panic attacks at night. My heart thumps and I feel like something will happen to me or my chest feels tight, and I'm scared that something will happen to me. I remember that I also had panic attacks at night often when I used to spend time alone before ever having started meds. I would get panic attacks in the night and for some months, I kept the lights on at night when sleeping. Eventually I grew used to a night lamp. Anyway, the doc said it's hard to tell what the problem exactly is. I don't exactly fit into the criteria for schizo disorders and she said I have symptoms from clinical depression, some symptoms from bipolar and mine is a complex case and not possible to make a diagnosis in one sitting. She told not to take all those medicines anymore and put me on just one tab Divalproex 250mg (the names of the medicines are different in my country, so I'm just writing the composition). I'm not sure whether such a low dose will work on me. But I think she (the doc) wants to observe what kind of symptoms I'm having so she can make a diag. whether schizo disorders, mood fluctuation, whatever.If it's relevant, no one in my mom's family or dad's family have any kind of problem resembling this. Only my dad has a mood problem, he will be happy one day and talk often to his daughters, or when he's in a bad mood, he behaves badly. And he has a selfish personality as I have already mentioned.The imp. symptoms she noted on the prescrip. were.. - social withdrawal - depressn & anxiety - no active psychotic symps. - sleep disturbances, reversal of sleep.Any one with knowledge about these things, please reply with what you think. Any helpful or warm comments would be nice. :)
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 28, 2010
    • 06:29 AM
    • 0
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  • Wanted to add - I think I'm having basically three symptoms -- rage, depression, some social withdrawal. And it seems like a cycle of depression, normal mood, and rage. I know usually to have bipolar disorder you must have "euphoric mania." I don't think that's happened to me. But I have read that many people suffer from a different type of mania called "dysphoric mania" where there's irritability, aggression, and uncontrollable rage. Do you think I could be having that? :confused: :confused: :confused: Some of the descriptions I have read online of dysphoric rage seem exactly to be what I'm experiencing. Please help me understand what this disorder could be!!!My psychiatrist gave me Divalproex 250mg once at night. Will that help me with my symptoms at all? :confused:
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 30, 2010
    • 06:52 PM
    • 0
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  • From what you said in your post.. im agreeing with your new doctor.. some kind of bipolar with depression (the depression could be a part of the bipolar). Irritability and anger can be with those things. You dont sound schizophrenic to me.
    taniaaust1 2267 Replies
    • September 1, 2010
    • 03:06 PM
    • 0
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