Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

My personal ***l

Posted In: Mental conditions 5 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • May 30, 2007
  • 07:26 AM

Hello,im 25yrs old and after discovering this site it seems i have been living with SPD(Schizoid personality disoder),clinical depression,and many other mental illness for about 7 years now.I have not gone to a doctor because i think to myself "how can medication change the way i think?" and "if medication can change the way i think i would not be me".And with therapy i say to myself "why would i talk to a stranger about myself,how can they help me if i can't help myself?.

My father is diagnosed with BPD,my uncle had schizophrenia and killed himself.It seems i have inherited what they had and added to it.I live with my grandma,i do not work(havn't for almost 4 years now).i have no friends,no girlfriend,or even a disire to have one.My left arm resembles something got got into a fight with a weedwhacker.My teeth are falling out of my head,my room is covered with a layer of trash.Even as i write this i am crying.

Why am i telling you this?i don't know,maybe to feel better about myself in some wierd way,or maybe i think if some of you see this it may help you feel better about yourself.All i know is that im passed the point of no return...falling further into an abysmal muck,a downward spiral into oblivion.

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5 Replies:

  • Stop, Take a deep breath. I know that you wont believe me, but things are going to change. I know that you are feeling lost, alone, and hopeless, but believe me, they CAN get better. It doesn't have to stay that way, and it won't. I can't tell you how you can get better because it's different for everyone. But I can tell you that the one thing those of us with these types of problems have going for us is our committment and perserverence. Right now commit yourself to getting better. And believe me it's a process. It wont happen overnight. But it will happen if you commit yourself to it. FInd a way or make a way. Tell yourself that you are sick of feeling this way, and slowly but surely you will pull yourself out of this. It doesn't matter what your family has done. You are you, and you are different from everyone. I've been there, and I know that it can get better. I'm not completely healed yet, but I'm alot further than I was five years ago, and even though things aren't perfect, I am a lot happier. I've included some hope in this letter for you to borrow until you have some of your own to lean on.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • You are so young.It`s sad that you feel the way you do.I know that there is probably nothing that I can say to make you feel better or change your out look on the world or your self.What I do know is that you are worth more than you will allow your self to feel .Look,you have the most precious gift,life.Not every one gets to have that.Your life,you ,are worth the hard work and comittment that it is going to take to get your self out of this.Most of my life I felt the same way you do about medication and talking to strangers about myself.To me talking openly to people makes me feel vonurable,open to some sort of personal attack,judged negetively. I still have problems opening up even to my self at times . I have learned that talking to some one is not so bad .Infact, it does help .you don`t realize it right away but eventually you notice . Medication helps too.Sometimes it takes a few tries befor you find the right meds but for the most part they usually get it right the first time. The meds don`t change who you are.Meds work to level out the chemistry in your brain,I can`t get into all that cause it`s just to complicated.I do know though , that, it does not change who you are.Your able to think more rational and clearly about things and you don`t feel like you or your life is headed down the crapper every waking moment of your life.Medication is not a cure all but, it does help a lot. If you find that meds don`t work for you,under your docters supervision,you can always find a differnt alternative that works for you. Nothing in this world feels better than taking a deep breath and being able to smell life all around you or to feel the warmth of the sun on your face and feel good about it . You have to know that you are worthy of that .It`s Not to late for you .All you have to do is reach out and get the help you need if you are not able to help your self .even if that means that you have to force your self to do it . you can start by contacting the department of social services in your community,tell them what your issues are and that you are needing assistance to get some help and they should be able to guide you in the right direction . There is help available ,you just have to search for it. Good luck to you.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • The biggest satisfaction that you are going to get,is if you pick yourself up out of it,and create a world for yourself that you like being in.I know.it sounds stupid because its like,yea,easier said than done,and why would I listen to a 19 year old who knows nothing?just believe me man,I'm standing on the outside of your world and I can see that you want to get out of it.Do it for YOU,you only live one,cliche I know,but it's true!I really wish you lived closer to me,because I would love a friend like you,I've been down the suicide road myself,and I know I can help you,not by any phsycological methods,but purely in a human way.I'm not saying this because I believe I am the solution to your problems,but because Ive been through the same type of thoughts.I have BDD and I'm struggling too.Please do it for yourself,you're still young and there is no reason that you can't.Just imagine when you get to the top how great you gonna feel and what an awesome Biography that would make.Someone who suffered and made it to the top.Keep well brother Enriko South Africa
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • The date of this posting is sort of old, but I'll reply to it anyways. Maybe the poster will come back again. 1.) The poster is afraid of going to a doctor. I was like this once, and I still am in a way due to the mental problem I have. 2.) The poster also says that the teeth in his/her mouth are failing. Me too due to my mental problem. 3.) The poster says that their room is a total mess. Mine too until I clean it. What I heard from this poster, it happened to me. I have Dissociative Disorders. If this poster returns I strongly recommend that they see a doctor. And when they do see a doctor, don't hide anything away from them! Speak your mind! Don't let the Dissociative Disorders "secrecy symptom" prevent you from obtaining a correct diagnose. If you keep your problem a secret the doctors will surely misdiagnose you with having Schizophrenia. If you have dreams or memories which you know are either fictional or too bizzare to believe, tell the doctor about them! Get help! Live life!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 3, 2007
    • 11:53 PM
    • 0
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  • Read Bible...Go 2 Church...Pray if that dont work try entering AA or NA. Get in where ya fit in
    Ajmil88 1 Replies
    • October 15, 2007
    • 06:50 AM
    • 0
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