I am quite stressed about my ex-husband's behavior. Six years ago I was unwise, it seems, to have allowed him to have physical custody of our two children now both 16 and 10. I agreed to this because I have a job and am in the process of working on my masters degree. I am now regretting the custody choice that I made. He and his current wife are having serious problems and she and I are both concerned about the kids. Although she is a wonderful step-mother, there seems to be nothing either of us can do to get through to him. His symptoms are as follows.
1) Irrational, vehement denial that he is ever wrong when he is called on his behavior.
2) Yelling, mocking and being insulting.
3) Laughing at inappropriate times such as in the face of family members who are crying or verbally expressing hurt.
4) Constructing language in a way that makes him sound intelligent; mainly by way of telling others what their problem is suggesting histrionics, narcissistic behavior, or simply stating to the opposition that they are out of control or problematic. (His major is psychology.)
5) Twisting the conversation around to make it appear that the other person has a problem when they are pleading with him for change or understanding.
6) Telling lies about sexual encounters that are way too bizarre to be real and an inability to perceive the reality of that.
7) Lying about who and how many women and young girls are attracted to him. Expressing concern against it rather than bragging. Is this a manipulative way to make the story seem true???
8) Completely cold. Inability to express positive emotion. Almost acts like a feelingless robot unless angry.
9) Nodding his head in acknowledgement while grimacing, giggling, grinning, and moving his lips as though responding to someone who isn't there. He does this, even, while driving.
10) When coming to a conclusion or answer about something, he responds by turning it around in a statement to make it sound like it's his idea and that he's giving advice.
The most embarrassing, hurtful thing about this is I knew he was this way when I married him. His second wife knew it too and married him anyway. She told him directly that she believed he was sick and needed help. His excuse to her about the twisted lies was that he must have dreamed it. It's becoming worse with time. He carries a scary, strained, hateful look on his face almost all of the time; except for when he's interacting with his possible imaginary friends. The dark, foreboding look on his face is as though he could explode any moment. This is during all conversation, pleasant or otherwise. His voice tone is mostly cold and flat. I am tired of people approaching me with disgust to ask me why he always looks so mean. I know this was long and I'm sorry, but his condition has gone on for so long and gotten out of hand that I'm getting scared. He's breaking my daughter's heart and my ten year old son cries and tells me his dad is a ***k and an idiot. He is depressed and is hurting for his sister. I feel guilty and my heart is breaking for my kids. I don't know what steps to take to insure that he won't hurt my kids, his wife, or me. I'm at the end of my rope. Please help! Thank you.