Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

misdiagnosted bipolar, social outcast and hallucionations

Posted In: Mental conditions 5 Replies
  • Posted By: lee1985
  • March 13, 2007
  • 00:21 AM

i was just recently diagnosised with bipolar by a shrink and were give paxil to help, iv been on paxil for about a month now no change i dont see it helping any but besides that i think he may have diagnosied me wrong since the manic part were your suppositally all "happy", very very very rarly happens for me its mostly me siting there depressed hoping for a nuke to shot up my **s and destroy humanity. the manic part were the guy fail to mention if it was on or off drugs because i am very happy when on ecstasy "yea yea bad for people not for me" *off topic a bit here* but ecstasy has give me the best days of my life so for me its a miricale drug *back to topic* ok so yea he asked me if i ever had manic epsiodes were i was extremely happy and failed to mention if he ment when i was sober or on something but im guessing he ment when i was sober which i didnt think about at the time so i dont think i got diagnosised right but also i have been haven problems with interacting with people were as i have problems speaking my words usally come out in a bla or very low tone almost a wisper also i noticed that i highly social situations i get a pain in my chest, i basically keep to myself whe ever posible or stad there and nod my head in agreement when asked question usally waiting for someone else to talk before i give a short simple answer and continue silently even my girlfreind and me dont talk much because f it i dont know why im anti social but was wondering if there was any reason for me being this way or am i just an out cast, also have i been misdiagnossed with bipolar i think i just have heavy depression o yea and last night before i went to the shrink i was in the bath tub and i seen some guy climb through the bathroom window and smash my head off the bathtub wall and blacked out for a few minute my girlfriend came in after and found me lieing in the tub and they tryed to tell me that no one came in through the window but i never belived them no mater what they said. few minutes later i was put to bed by my girlfriend and i started to try to suffercate myself in my pillow because at the time i though someone was coming for me and i would have been better of dead then facing him.. this all folllowed an isident a few days before were i was jumped outside my building by about 7 or 8 guys and yes i was drinking alittle bit but i was still sober enough to help my puking friend out put him in a bath and get him cleaned up and put on the couch befrore all this happened does anyone know wha might have caused that happen?

have i been misdiagnosed with bipolar?
why am i a social outcast?
o yea and what caused the incided were i though i got my head smashed into the wall?

also im a heavy drinker so i doubt its the booze since i can down 2lt of vodka stright with out any problems and am 140lbs so booze is easy for me to handle


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5 Replies:

  • Ohhh Lee~ I tell you buddy, I lived a very similar existance to yours not long ago....and, I can tell you what it will take to change- let's see if I can say this, and put it in correct perspective- Change the way that you feel, BUT...before you'll ever be able to do it, you'll probably have to experience your own perception of "rock bottom", where it hits you- I AM NOT HAPPY. THE CHOICES I'M MAKING ARE NOT MAKING MY LIFE BETTER, SO I NEED TO EVALUATE MAKING SOME DIFFERENT ONES. Some people get it one day(as I was one of the fortunate ones), and some get so caught up in that feeling that it would just take too much- and I don't mean too much effort to change yourself...but to change people's perception of you. It's really hard to not self medicate, when it's the only way you know that gets you that excited "Totally OK with life" feeling, when everyone around you either #1. Doesn't trust you(that takes a lot of time....therefore, takes a lot of dedication to get there) OR #2. Reminds you how much better it is to take some EX & laugh, and enjoy yourself....BECAUSE, they don't want to feel like THEY are making the WRONG choice. Trust me....you feel WAY BETTER about making the wrong choices, if you can get people that you perceive as being more RESPECTABLE or RESPONSIBLE than you, to make the same wrong choices that you are. Okay....the medical side of this. You're brain releases chemicals... Dopamine & Saratonin....that affect the way that you "feel". If they are not secreting the right amounts, meds like Paxil(or other SSRI's- you may have to try many...I think I tried about 8 before I found one that worked) help to keep these chemicals at a higher avg. level. (they're also the same chemical that is released to tell you that you are "FULL"- so, it makes sense that if you're depressed, you also may be ravenously hungry...AND you may gain a feeling of satisfaction by indulging yourself in food). Anyway, problem is...this Dopamine chemical, is released up to 200% faster when you take ex(so.....you feel HAPPY)....BUT, you have drained your Dopanime rescources- SO, the next day(and generally many there after) YOU FEEL LIKE TOTAL CRAP!!! So, why do we keep doing this to ourselves?!?!? We have "survival insticts" that are naturally embedded from birth....think of it as YOUR OWN PERSONAL REWARD SYSTEM. Your brain tells you when something is GOOD for your survival. We get "hungry"....and we eat. And, your HAPPY levels go up. They are supposed to be the HIGHEST, when you indulge yourself in THE MOST CRUCIAL element in continued survival, sex. That is the happiest that a person should feel(and that might seem disappointing...but how sad is that, that SEX, is not enough gratification!)...and anything over and beyond, will have that counter effect. Your PAXIL WILL NOT balance you at the right levels, if you continue to DRAIN THEM! And why, when we think about taking a hit do we remember HOW MUCH FUN we've had in the past, and not how totally MISERABLE we felt afterwords? Because the drug makes you over release that "happy" chemical that tells your brain "I need this for survival"....and when you THINK about doing it again, your brain AUTOMATICALLY starts to release the chemical, BEFORE you even take the substance. Your brain is "tricked", so therefor you remember how it made you feel "GOOD" and forget how it made you feel "REEEAAALLLLY BAD" later. NOW, I can look back, and can see EXACTLY why I felt the way I did, and continued to do the things I did...but I couldn't for a long time. I just knew that it if I continued to make the same choices, I'd continue to get the same crappy results, and I reached a point that I wasn't Okay with that any more. I was ALSO, misdiagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder. I DO suffer from depression, and as long as I take my Prozac, I'm fine....but, just as a diabetic needs insulin to regulate their sugar levels to operate properly, a person that suffer from depression needs an SSRI, to balance the levels needed for the BRAIN to operate properly. So we can have more appropriate responses to challenges that we face, and SEE resolutions..instead of a constant onslaught of hopeless dead ends. I experiences exagerated feelings of happiness and.....ANGER, because I was not in control of my life AT ALL(though I wasn't ready to admit that for a long time....quite a long time). I had no identity. I didn't know who I was, but I DID know, that while I may not like myself, I like other people liking me, and when I joined in with others, and we were both justifying that what we were doing was OK, it gave me a sense of a reason to exist. But, it was totally a false sense of happiness. Once reality set in, and reality would start to show through....I didn't like it.....and, of course, I chose to do the only thing that I KNEW, would at least make that feeling go away. Round and Round and Round......until I finally decided that I was going to evaluate everything that I did...EVERYTHING. I would make each choice on what was RIGHT, and NOT because I WANTED it to be right. The first thing that I figured out, was that when you always try to do what's right, you never have anything to lie about. People DO eventually start to trust you, at some point after you FINALLY trust yourself. Anyone that knows me today, would say, if SHE said it....it's true...or she's mistaken(which still happens on occasion). KNOWING that I am perceived that way, gives me the most overwhelming sense of TRUE "happiness", than I have ever known. Even after people KNOW me, they look up to me, and ask ME for advice. I know exactly what I believe in(though I'm open minded...and subject to alter that a bit, when I see something from a new perspective)...and I have interests...and things that I really enjoy doing, when there was a time that I thought, if I don't do THIS for fun, MY LIFE WILL BE TOTALLY BORING, and ALL I'LL HAVE TO DO, IS THINK ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE MY LIFE IS. It seems like a long road....but no matter how far down the wrong path you travel, you always have the option to turn around, and go back...taking a different road on your next journey. The further down that road you travel, the further you have to go back, but every moment that you keep going down that path that leads to "nowhere", the longer your journey will be back. Our lives are in our control, but when we've been running from ourselves, it's scary to think that admitting we're responsible, means that we have to be responsible for, and hold ourselves accountable for, every choice we make.....and we like to run, or at least turn a blind eye to our shortcomings.....AND BLAME OTHERS for where our lives have ended up. I used to blame my mother grossly abusing me for the way I'd turned out....and then, I realized, "I AM making these choices. My mother is not a piece of crap for what I'm doing to myself and other people....I AM." That was just not Okay with me. Anyway.....I do hope for YOU, and anyone else that struggles with themselves, that you're strong enough to go through that painful realization- that we each have been our own worst enemy...and then turn around for a lonely journey back to find the "right path", where you'll discover yourself...and what REALLY being happy is. Best wishes ~ and God Bless You Guys!!!!!!!!!
    FixMEdoc 53 Replies Flag this Response
  • ok but not to make excuses more because i dont like being classed with everyone since my experiances are way different on x 1. i dont "sketch" after i take it2. i fell perfectly fie after i take it i dont get withdrawl or any pain or symptoms from it i dont get bitchy or cranky after eather im perfectly fine im basically how i always am sober when i get off it i see so many people who take it and the come for them looks so horrable i dont even know why they take the **** if my come down mad me fell like **** and in some cases puke my guts out i wouldnt take it eather but like i found out i kinda have (if you can call it a gift) a gift more like a curse i have a high tolerance for drugs medical or street wise also booze but yea like i was saying i shouldnt be clasiffed ith everyone else and i would belive theres more people out there like me that can take drugs and handle them with out the come down and withdrawls and ****. and trust people trust me with there lifes i have no problem with trust hey i might be a theft but i belive its ok to obtain goods from corperations since there riping everyone off anways but i have never stolen fro any person as thats pure out wrong but yea i have no problem with trust i dont blame anyone for my life except myself i know that every dession i make is mine and mine alone i dont really know why im depressed half the time maby its because i see my life going no were and i see no way to change it but then agian many other reason that im not willing to descus with people but i do not really know what to do about my depression i feel alone with it with no solution to it plus i would like to be more social and less held back and isolated but that is another problem i dont know how to solve since social situations well ****en scare the **** out of me i dont like being in them at all and i try to change it by trying to talk but when the time comes i dont take it i can talk myself up in my head saying do this say this but nope it comes time to do it and i well hold back with fear thanks for your reply in no way do i mean to sound like an **s i was just simply stating i do appreceated your fead back and enjoyed reading it thanks agianLEE;):)
    lee1985 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • I totally feel every word you're saying...I swear. PLUS, I used to say to people who would try and put me in a picture, or position in a "general" sense in life- "You don't know me, and my situation." I too, had a very high tolerance for drugs & alcohol(probably because I started when I was like 14...well, regulary.....11 was the first time I drank). I like that people would say to each other about me, "You've never been out with Kimberly? She is HILARIOUS! and can out drink ANYONE, and just seem entertaining, while composed, and not like a slobbering drunk AT ALL!" I suffered from "social anxiety", and LOVED how open and free I could express myself, when I used an "enhancer" of some sort. I remember feeling horrible, Feel my face turning red, feel my heart beating so hard that I couldn't get control of it, no matter how hard I tried to just calm down and "Get over it!". I ticked me off, that I wasn't in control of that. You may not "CRASH", after your high, but there's no 2 ways about it.....If you use a drug that enhances your mood, you do not have the capacity to produce an even chemical level. You are GOING to be depressed. You say that you don't "sketch", but you're RIGHT about being different....because you suffer from clinical depression and while X might make you feel the closest thing to "normal"(whatever that is :rolleyes: ), it ALSO is the component of a circle that's hard to break. I UNDERSTAND feeling alone, like my life had no direction, SO FREAKING WORTHLESS....Why did God even put me here, if not some sick twisted experiment or joke? Even if I DID have asperations, SOMETHING would stop me from getting there. NO ONE UNDERSOOD ME! I COULDN'T JUST GET OVER IT! and it REALLY P'd me off, when people acted as if they could just quick fix my unsurmountable worries(kinda like I did to you...and for that, I'm sorry). My heart & every ounce of my being goes out to you, and I hope that you discover the "answer" for you, because living consumed with depression is miserable. Please believe...that I really know, what sadness, worthlessness, and "Lost"....feel like. ~ Best Wishes
    FixMEdoc 53 Replies Flag this Response
  • My boyfriend has had similar experiences, minus the drugs. TELL THE PSYCHIARTIST. If you weren't seeing one, go! Get your girlfriend to go too, I know I have had insights to tell teh doc that my boyfriend didn't even notice, and it resulted in BETTER DIAGNOSIS. I can tell you from his experience, they can only help you as much as you let them. They need to know about the ex and the booze, the visions, and the parania. It could be caused by those drugs, or it could be something chemical in your brain. Either way, you need to call the doctor, make another appt, and tell him about those other symptoms AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Bipolar can cause hallucinations, so it COULD be correct or it could be many other things. YOu h ave confidentiality with the doctor, he wont' call the cops on you when you tell him abot drugs unless you tell him you are going to kill yourself with them. If you are worried he will tell, ask him about your confidentiality agreement. Either way, GO AND SEE HIM and tell him about these new developments, as they will likely dramatically change your treatment course.P.S. Get help, get meds, stop drugs. YOU ARE NOT AN OUTCAST. I know it feels that way, but once you get help, THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
    JetSkiChic 12 Replies Flag this Response
  • Whether or not you are bi-polar or not is for a doctor to say. But I have to tell you that you are doing alot to yourself that explains some of your symptoms. If you are taking any medication you shoud not, under any circumstances whatsoever be taking ellicit drugs or be drinking alcohol. Both could very well be the cause of your anxiety and hallucinations. However, sorry to say but hallucinations can also be a symptom of bi-polar. You sound like a smart girl and I like your quick wit but you are heading for real trouble if you don't take your situation seriously. How do I know? Babe I have been there. I do not agree that you need to hit bottom before you can get better. That is a bunch of hog wash and is just an excuse to keep doing what you are doing. The reason I am again "hitting bottom" is all too often botton is death. I have been diagnosed as bi-polar but it was incorrect. That does not mean you are not bi-polar it just means you need to find a doctor you have faith in. If you doubt your doctor find another and if you don't like him find another. Don't be like me and find 30 years of your life fly by before you finally get help. And, please stop drinking and doing drugs. Believe me I know what they will do to you. Take care.
    Smurphgirl 7 Replies Flag this Response
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