I was a stay art home Mom to 3 sons, 11 and under, very much a "doer" close to Type A personalty , when I tried hypnosis to discontinue smoking. Building a new home at the time, my weight ballooned, when I ceased to smoke. Psychologically, in our tiny rental house , I felt homeless and quite helpless, when my middle son's appendix blew out and near death, I stayed with him for 9 days in the hospital.
A few months later we moved into our new house and all that entails, but I had developed a sever spastic colon. I did not seek medical advice for years, then did so in earnest because of the control being visited on me by this nasty spastic colon.
My kindly practitioner, listened to my complaints and sent me home with Xanax, which DID alive ate the spastic colon, symptoms, but unawares, I became addicted to this medication I knew little about. In April of 89, I was on a 12 day cycle of taking 5 Xanax a day, and had no clue I was doing so. ***l was my day on that 12 day and calling a therapist for help, I did drive myself to his office, and then referred to a psychiatrist , I was admitted, and spent 17 days in a mental facility. No test, only subjective questions, I was 1a Acute Paranoid disorder, b, Marital problems, ll Histrionic Personality, with dependency, and lll Irritable Bowel syndrome all very billable codes on medical insurance claims.
Later when I returned to this "dr", after doing some research about the Bipolar disorder, he confirmed my fears and in 93 began Lithium medications among others,though I had explained I had low thyroid, a DSM code said NOT TO TREAT with Lithium, and as it tore my system asunder ( I am highly allergic to metals) he changed it to Eskilith, a coated version of Lithium . 13 years followed with children unschooled in what was wrong with Mom, a husband who exited after 5 years of no support (as it was my issue and I could not preform my duties as wife and Mother), followed by the death of my Mother, my sons scattering, the sale of my home, and body pain, and a broken heart/soul
Now I must also include her, that I had much dental work done in the mid 80s, and again allergic to Mercury, I Do strongly believe this neurotically had a huge impact on my mental health as well as my physical.
Divorce and many inappropriate things happened, including my being represented by a lawyer who had been partners with hubby, being stated as "of sound mind" NO reference to my mental state, or psychiatrist, thus being made liable for my own health care cost. I was awarded $700, per month spousal, and a no fault divorce was awarded. This covered up a laundry list of 'ills", including the finances which were the soul discretion of hubby, and his infidelities of which I was unaware, including non payment of IRS taxes since 1995, to date. I had no one to help me, or stand by me, and I did return to court in 2006 for an increase of SS, and the state supreme court heard my case, but I lost, as again NO mention was made of my psychiatric disability.
So in a new "old " house which drained me mentally and psychically, after changing doctors 3 times, after family protective orders ( made after I requested more SS) and more ***l on earth than any one human being should ever experience , I found the shrink who allowed my research, instilled in me , my self worth, discovered my spirituality and many truths, including the repeated traumas of my life, I am prescription drug fee, fully recovered from the misdiagnosis of bipolar manic depress, with a former shrinks, written words, IT was the medications.
A huge component of this a non bonding with the Mother, as I experienced and being molested before the age of 5, again with no one noticing , the horror deep within me. I now freely council others and men and women relate similar, background stories.
Lost was many productive years, my children , my home, my life as it was. While it was not working within the marriage, I feel strongly that legal actions involving a person, who is under the care of a psychiatrist, should have an educated mental health guardian ad item, an that it not be left to the lawyers discretion as to this action. I had the mentality of a 4 year old, I was not reality based at all. My sons are adults now, and are very angry over the bast, of which there and been no discussion and of which while they are aware there was abuse, and lack of respect, via Dad, his words of comfort wee that in order to be happy, he "had to" walk out, leaving me with 2 of them in house, but very responsible for their own lives as I was so out of it.
Recovery has many stages, and is a very long haul. I am now 58, I do have a decent income which affords me to work for free helping others,but the natural order of my life and the lives of my sons was forever altered. I have 2 grandsons who are used as emotional blackmail against me and I am not allowed to see. I cannot contact my youngest son, disallowed from his college graduation, wedding and, now a child comes to him I will never see.
The price is far too high, in acceptance that a drug will heal us, and as I find out daily there are repercussions, my health greatly affected, but there have been many gifts and much love outside of my family.
Recovery is the ultimate test, and finally accepting that I am here to love and be loved and am perfect as is. as are you, is the message.
But I will peacefully fright with the many I "work" with to tell my story, and be the warning if not the example, for our kids and grand kids so this epidemic and Nazi, mind/body/soul, control ceases in my life time, as many awake to the facts.
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