Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Losing Wife to mental something

Posted In: Mental conditions 13 Replies
  • Posted By: buckmc
  • March 9, 2009
  • 04:03 PM

We have been married sense 1995,and we have to beautiful sweet girls.Before I started to date my wife she lived alone but had to girls of her own.Also I heard that she had these periods of time when she would suspect someone was watching her,they came,and went.We got married never really talked about it alot, everything seemed fine.In 1999,one July night about 2.35 AM I noticed she got out of bed,but came back and went to sleep.The next day she told me that someone was in the house that night she got up.I asked her where; did you see them,and she said she didn't,but she knew they were there.Things got worse from there,she told me that one of the girls,that something had happened to one of them on that night.I asked her what had happened and she told me that she had noticed some blood,on the youngest girls virgina's,so I told her it was time to bring in law enforcement,and to take them to the Doctor,she agreed.I just knew that the doctor would say that everything was fine,but nooo he didn't,and all ***l broke loose then.La social services were at our home the very next day.They began interview's with us,and when they asked my wife,how that she thought these people were getting into our home,she said that they were taking the window out,and putting it back in when they were done.I built this home in 1994,and I knew that taking these windows out would be a major undertaking in the daylight,let along at night,and everyone in the house would know about it.This lady that was with social services,just looked at me and said " let me talk to you alone"
She asked me,what do you think is happening here,before I asnwered her i wanted to know about the injury to my daughter,was she raped? Was there a penial entry,she said No,and that it was a scratch that could have been self inflicted.I said Ok this is not happening there is no way that someone is coming into our home like this.The story is alot longer,but I need to move on to now,but before I do my wife spent a month in a psy hospital. Now it's 2009,and I have just lost,my Dad in 2007,and then my Mom in 2008,we had just buried my Mom on Friday,anyone here that has been though these event's know the emotion's that you go through,and how tough it is.On that Saturday night she tell's me that it's time to get a divorce,and she was mad as ***l about what I don't know. Then one night she tell's me to come look,and tell's me that there are people walking around the outside of our yard,but there is no one there. I don't sleep with her in the same room,and I can hear her yelling at thing's outside.I looked nothing is there. Has anyone here been though something like this?

Reply Flag this Discussion

13 Replies:

  • Hi. I'm very sorry for what you and your family must be going through. I've lost my Mom too, and it's never easy, but I would imagine even more difficult under these circumstances.What did the psychiatric hospital say? Did they give her medication? I'm not a doctor, but it really sounds to me as if your wife has schizophrenia or maybe schizophreniform disorder. She really needs help from a psychiatrist, possibly with medication. It's possible with either of these disorders that she is paranoid about 'someone' hurting your child and has actually done it herself. It's also very possible under these circumstances that she has convinced herself that you are the 'enemy', hence asking for a divorce out of the blue. It's the paranoid part of the disorder that she sees and believes people 'out to get her'. She really believes they are there, and can hurt you or your family in attempts to 'protect'. Please seek help!......there is treatment that will help your family. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but you cannot ignore it. You must find help--for the sake of your wife and your children
    Harmonium 322 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks,the hospital let her go without any medication,because she wouldn't let them know what was going on,I tried to do so,but I had to make a deal with social services to keep my kid's in our home.I wish now that I hadn't done so.I'm still trying to talk with her about community property,but she is so damned angry(for over a year) now.
    buckmc 4 Replies Flag this Response
  • ... but I agree with Harmonium. Try to get her to a doctor for an evaluation.
    davidmt2 18 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks to ya'll for the reply's,We have been to Marriage consulates,and Psychologist,2 to be exact.Each time when ever they start to get to the problem,she reacts like a animal in a corner,and stop's going.I ask her "why',she always's reply's they aren't doing any good,just a waste of money.I'm not finished,not yet anyway,I'm going to get her back in there,even if our marrige is finished,she is still the Mother of my children,and somewhere inside of her she has to know that being angry isolated,and paroniod is not the way to live your life.The way I know is she is a good Mother,and I know that there is good in her,just have to get to it.
    buckmc 4 Replies Flag this Response
  • I'm so sorry you & your family are going through this. First & foremost you have to put the children first, their saftey is paramount, so you have to do what you have to do. Talk to you Doctor Urgently, explain what is happening & that you are living in fear for the children. Your wife is obviously very ill & in that state anything could happen, thats why you have to start the ball rolling & insure the childrens safety first, then your wife. When your wife is in this state their will be no reasoning with her, she needs help asap & if that means it being inforced on her so be it. If someone is a threat to themselves or to others they need to be placed in a place of safety asap. I personally know of 2 cases like this & both came to a very tragic end with a number of deaths caused. I also personally know of another 2 cases where both commited sucide. I know of others but I did not know them personally. You don't know the minute that your wife will look at you or the children & see something else & then attack. If you can get your wife into a hospital then the children should be able to stay at home, in the mean time, have you family that they could stay with ? If you don't do anything just hoping things will get better & they dont & something tragic happens, well, 1..... you wont be able to live with it or forgive yourself for not acting sooner........or..... 2.. the law could look at you as failing to act, then hold you accountable. Even if your wife didn't/doesn't physically harm the children this will mentally scar them probably for life. You can't hide this, you need help & support yourself & guidance in how to get the help & protection you need for your children, you have to speak to your Doctor now, get support from social services & find a way to work this out to keep your girls. Social services will know that you are a concerned father doing everything to protect you girls, that will stand in your favour. You can not reason with someone who is unreasonable, if your wife won't tell all then you have too. Again I'm so sorry this is happening & sorry for your loss of your Mom & Dad. Please keep intouch, if any of us can offer support we will. Best wishes, I hope all works out for the best. Ooooh, If you could also start audio record events as they occur also keep a dairy of excatly when & what happens, it will help your case & let doctors hear what is going on, then she can not deny it, also if things got worse & doctors or social services knew what was happening but didn't listen or do something it would be their head on the block.
    Tootsie 628 Replies Flag this Response
  • I dont know, but i kind of doubt if raping ones own child is more common in schizophrenics. Im saying this as my father has schizophrenia and he does have delusions and sees things at times.. he's strange actions are often based on fears eg "people are watching me" "people are after me". That has caused him to do some crazy things eg jump off a two floor boucany to excape, hide in strangers sheds, secretly watch others etc etc... A schizophrenic person could end up very over protective as far as family goes.. protecting their children from the "others out to get us all". Your wife clearly needs to be on meds... unfortunately it is often easy for someone to hide the abnormal thoughts going on from therapists (my father used to do that.. it's only when he became completely non functional would the medical "experts" get involved and go and lock him away. Schizophrenics often dont realise they have a problem and believe everyone else has the issues. They really believe the things they think and see. I have no suggestions as i know just how much of a nightmare it is to be close to someone with this issue.. but unable to get them helped.
    taniaaust1 2267 Replies Flag this Response
  • Everything said is also right.........but then again if your wife refuses help, you will be the enemy. Usually Doctors will say "At first do no harm" but this is a different problem. Expect the worst, but hope for the best ! You will never know when or if a psychotic event will occur, it might not but then again it might. Quite honestly you have to protect the children. I always say never jump to the worst conclusion when someone has a problem or unwell, but.......in cases like this you can not take the risk, the price is just too high when all goes wrong. When mental illnesses are diagnosed & the patient is on treatment, then it is easier controlled provided they stay on their medication, tania is right she says many of them will not believe that they are ill so sometimes they will stop treatment, this has to be watched. Harmonium is also completly right. I have seen this go very badly wong, if anyone is a danger to themselves or others they have to be placed in a place of safety for the protection of all. Schizophrenia if it is this, with treatment can be controlled to a point and not all schizophrenic people go onto harm anyone or themselves but during a psychotic event anything can happen. Again........"Expect the worst but hope for the best" Put this in the hands of the Doctors & talk with social services, they will know what the risks are and evaluate them, and as I said before, if anything goes wrong their head will bo on the block, you will have asked for help. I have seen the worst side of this, you cannot take the chance, your wee ones are much too precious to get it wrong. Please keep intouch.....
    Tootsie 628 Replies Flag this Response
  • I dont know, but i kind of doubt if raping ones own child is more common in schizophrenics. Im saying this as my father has schizophrenia and he does have delusions and sees things at times.. he's strange actions are often based on fears eg "people are watching me" "people are after me". That has caused him to do some crazy things eg jump off a two floor boucany to excape, hide in strangers sheds, secretly watch others etc etc... A schizophrenic person could end up very over protective as far as family goes.. protecting their children from the "others out to get us all". Taniaaust, I agree with you that 'raping' one's child is probably not more common in schizophrenics. However, I did not suggest rape.....I only meant that in that psychotic-like state, the wife may (in the thinking that she is protecting) accidentally harm the child. The child only had a cut, like with a fingernail. It's possible the mother was trying to check out the child for damages.....and she accidentally harmed the child while doing so. It's also gotta be a bit harmful on the child to even suspect this sort of thing....taking away some of their innocence. It's that 'protectiveness' that I can see become mis-guided based on the sheer paranoia the individual feels. You state yourself how your loved one has done some irregular things......the bottom line is that no one can know what the affected person is going to do because it's not usually logical. Buckmc, I really do hope that you continue to get help for your wife. You are very correct in thinking that even if you two are not together, she is the mother of your children and therefore must gain control of her mental faculties. I'm also certain there is much good in her, find it and hold on tight! If she is misleading the psychotherapists, do what you have to do to show them her 'other' side. Best to you, really. This has got to be tough.
    Harmonium 322 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks to everyone,for understanding this is really a hellish situation,that I'm caught up in.I'm thinking of using our community property,as a card that I have to play.I know when I confront her about this what is going to happen,and it's not going to be pretty.I already have a restraining order,that all i have to do is to have it served,but I hope it doesn't come to that.The last time I had to make,a deal with social services to keep my kids,and that involved a trap setup,that I had to lead her into,and we never got over that.Even though I tried to explain that we were going to lose our kid's I was,and am a ******d,for going along with that,but then it was the only way.Although I am convinced that this has to be done no matter what.She is so unhappy,and totally isolated from everyone,and goes to these really dark dark places.I am going to get in touch with Louisianan Mental health to see if we can setup some kind if intervention.Also see how many of her family member's I can get on board with this.Man I can't imagine why she would want to live like this:confused:
    buckmc 4 Replies Flag this Response
  • I really feel for you but you did what you had to do, you done right. I totally feel for your wife also, she needs help, but truely the children have to come first in this. The very first person you should talk to is your doctor, keep your cards close to your chest, don't give too much away as you wont want someone in her family tipping her off if they don't realise the seriousness of this, they might think they are helping. I know this is so difficult & there is no easy way, so you have to draw the strength from somewhere. Unfortunately if someone is this ill they will probably pay no heed to a restraining order, as I said before "you can not reason with someone who is unreasonable" the plus side of having it thought is you can get instant help. again, I feel for you all, your wife included. please keep intouch.
    Tootsie 628 Replies Flag this Response
  • Your wife if what is known as "Psychotic." She has too much serotonin. You need to research ways of lowering it naturally. Also, if you trust social services, mental hospitals or places and people like that, well I think you will be disappointed. (They had her for 1 month and couldn't do anything to fix her or diagnose her? Well dang.)
    Non Servium 85 Replies Flag this Response
  • Complications of Crohn’s Disease

    Recognize the risks associated with Crohn’s disease.

    8 Surprising Facts About Cholesterol

    Did you know that one in six US adults has high cholesterol?

  • Man I can't imagine why she would want to live like this:confused:She doesn't. She is mentally ill. I agree that your first priority must be the children. But I really hope your wife gets some help too.
    Beth56 272 Replies Flag this Response
  • ummm blaze.. did you think to get your cat desexed?? it's probably territory marking.
    taniaaust1 2267 Replies Flag this Response
Thanks! A moderator will review your post and it will be live within the next 24 hours.