:confused: We desperately need some insight into this or if nothing else, commiseration and/or advice.
Our 29 yr-old daughter's house is FILTHY! The kind of squalor you see in crackhouses and the like on COPS. She seems to accept/rationalize it for herself and accepts that her three kids (10, 5, and 1) live in it, too. Her bi-polar, alcoholic husband abandoned them all last week.
This house and the ones she's been in since she was married 10 yrs ago have always been dumps...food on the floor, days' worth of dishes in the sink with food stuck to them, roaches everywhere like they're pets, dirty clothes up to your knees, nothing gets thrown away, junk in the yard...nasty.
This is not in keeping with the example of my wife's and my homes she lived in as a child. We're clean, organized, and minimalist. She did OK until puberty, then her room began to be a practice area for the kind of house she's keeping now despite our directions, complaints, and infrequent interventions (cleaning it for her).
...was a precocious child; an only child, her friends in her early years were our adult friends
...is extremely bright, intelligent, and well-read, but flunked out of college in freshman year; it seems going to class was a problem!
...admits she's a world-class underachiever (this started as a child, when her grades started to slip in 3rd grade when she could no longer rely on wit and intelligence to get by, but also had to work a little bit. I was guilty of same thing and have been open with her about that)
...like us, a Christian, but somewhat lazy in practice (again, similar to my own behavior)
...loathes comparison to others
...is broke and does not work (though needs a job now with hubby gone)
...pays lip service to being open to learn and listen but is often extremely defensive to downright hostile to truly well-meant, constructive criticism and questions about her behavior
...is absolutely charming to strangers and friends while frequently a ****h to family (the departed husband, her kids, and us)
...master of passive-aggressive behavior
...despite living in a self-made slum, is a snob who has to have her $5 Starbucks and talk about how everyone else is wrong about everything
...says "fear" drives and has driven many decisions she's made and still makes
...took her 2 years to get around to getting a replacement for a lost driver's license; DMV office is 5 blocks from her house!
...gosh I could continue but feel like I'm already piling on
She has seen her family doctor about all this and is taking meds for ADD, anxiety, depression.
Well, yeah! The cat could have diagnosed all that!
But what might underlie it all?