I just came across this forum and thought well hey I might share this with someone. For a while now I think I've been suffering from OCD. I spend most of my time counting things, washing myself a certain number of times, making sure everything is ordered and tiding to such a perfect state, when I'm stressed I clean, and I always feel like I'm fighting off these unwanted thoughts. I'm always afraid that I'm going to harm people close to me, like that I'll become a murderer one day or something like that....I don't know why but it's just one of these fears that keeps coming back. most of the time I can't sleep because my mind is flooded with these thoughts of anxiety and I often have panick attacks. I'm only 16 years old and have entire conversations with myself..I'm not talking about the talking to yourself that everyone does..it's different..and quite scary when I look back on it. For years now I have entertained suicidal thoughts and have often desired for that 'way out'. I honestly don't know what to do. I have been like this for a while now and generally keep it to myself. It's just that more and more everyday I feel like my brain is deteriorating to where I just can't think clearly anymore; I have been the top of my class all my life, and now I can't think, I have headaches non-stop, I feel like crying all the time, and my speech is slurring. Is there anyone else out there who knows what I'm feeling here??
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