Ever since i was 7 years old, when i moved from the only house i had ever remembered living in, away from all my friends, and to a new state, ive had depression problems. for maybe 2 years after that i cried my self to sleep a lot. i felt alone, and once i tried to tell my mom that i felt sad a lot, and she dismissed it as puberty. when i was seven. a year later i told her again and she replied with the same answer. so after that i never consulted her again. i was bullied when i was 11 and my life felt like it was crashing down all around me. none of my friends would stand up for me, and no one seemed to care. i felt so alone. i started cutting, without knowing what it even was. not deep cuts, but it still stung. i cant remember why i felt the need to do that. the year after i was bullied, i changed who i was, i tried to make myself be like everybody else, so people would like me, but it didnt exactly work. this year i gave up on doing that, and decided to be myself. i have friends now who care about me, and who i can trust, but i still feel alone. i get really bad anxiety sometimes, it maybe started a year ago. i just get this crushing feeling in my stomach and i cant stop moving and fidgeting and i get this odd feeling in the back of my neck that causes me to shiver every few minutes. all of my problems have gotten really bad in the past year. i feel happy for a little while, maybe a few days or even a week, but then something small will send me hurtling into depression. my depression gets really bad sometimes, more frequently, and my emotions can be really extreme, and i cant control them. stressful situations make life unbearable for me, so ive decided to make highschool as simple as possible for me, no difficult classes that will stress me out. ive started cutting myself again, and its never for a certain reason, i just do it because it seems...appealing at the moment i guess. ive tried to stop, but its hard, and all i want to do sometimes is shove a knife in my chest to end all this pain. people have asked me why i cut before, but i can never give them a reason. sometimes i find myself wishing that somebody in my family that im close to will die so i have a reason to make myself suffer, and it really scares me. ive tried to tell my mom about my anxiety and she just told me not to label myself. ive lost all hope of her helping me. sometimes i have these moments where i feel like im outside of my body, that im not controlling myself, like a weird dreamstate. i feel lightheaded a lot too. sometimes i wonder if my problems are just in my head, but i look down at my cuts, and i laugh. it is in my head. but its real...it has to be...please helpReply Follow This Thread Stop Following This Thread Flag this Discussion
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