Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

I want help

Posted In: Mental conditions 6 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • August 1, 2014
  • 07:05 PM

Ever since i was 7 years old, when i moved from the only house i had ever remembered living in, away from all my friends, and to a new state, ive had depression problems. for maybe 2 years after that i cried my self to sleep a lot. i felt alone, and once i tried to tell my mom that i felt sad a lot, and she dismissed it as puberty. when i was seven. a year later i told her again and she replied with the same answer. so after that i never consulted her again. i was bullied when i was 11 and my life felt like it was crashing down all around me. none of my friends would stand up for me, and no one seemed to care. i felt so alone. i started cutting, without knowing what it even was. not deep cuts, but it still stung. i cant remember why i felt the need to do that. the year after i was bullied, i changed who i was, i tried to make myself be like everybody else, so people would like me, but it didnt exactly work. this year i gave up on doing that, and decided to be myself. i have friends now who care about me, and who i can trust, but i still feel alone. i get really bad anxiety sometimes, it maybe started a year ago. i just get this crushing feeling in my stomach and i cant stop moving and fidgeting and i get this odd feeling in the back of my neck that causes me to shiver every few minutes. all of my problems have gotten really bad in the past year. i feel happy for a little while, maybe a few days or even a week, but then something small will send me hurtling into depression. my depression gets really bad sometimes, more frequently, and my emotions can be really extreme, and i cant control them. stressful situations make life unbearable for me, so ive decided to make highschool as simple as possible for me, no difficult classes that will stress me out. ive started cutting myself again, and its never for a certain reason, i just do it because it seems...appealing at the moment i guess. ive tried to stop, but its hard, and all i want to do sometimes is shove a knife in my chest to end all this pain. people have asked me why i cut before, but i can never give them a reason. sometimes i find myself wishing that somebody in my family that im close to will die so i have a reason to make myself suffer, and it really scares me. ive tried to tell my mom about my anxiety and she just told me not to label myself. ive lost all hope of her helping me. sometimes i have these moments where i feel like im outside of my body, that im not controlling myself, like a weird dreamstate. i feel lightheaded a lot too. sometimes i wonder if my problems are just in my head, but i look down at my cuts, and i laugh. it is in my head. but its real...it has to be...please help

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6 Replies:

  • Hey man. Your a young kid so I'm going to give u some advice. Depression and anxiety hit me at about 16, it wasn't that bad when it started, I mean everyone thought I acted fine but I knew something wasn't right, like u said I was always sad even though I had a beautiful girl friendfriend, a ton of good friends and was in line for a tscholarship. One day at a party I tried cocaine and I thought I found the answer to all my problems. I was happy, productive, fun. I went away to College at 19 and the depression kept slowly getting worse. But my grades were great, I was working dating someone but inside I knew something was very wrong. I never saw a Dr because I thought I was just weak willed. I graduated college with a 3.9 GPA, I think school work kept me from thinking about how I felt. The next fall I left to go to law school and that's when things really started getting bad, trouble getting up, trouble going to class, I was totally anti-social, stayed in my apt but
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 03:33 PM
    • 0
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  • Hey man. Your a young kid so I'm going to give u some advice. Depression and anxiety hit me at about 16, it wasn't that bad when it started, I mean everyone thought I acted fine but I knew something wasn't right, like u said I was always sad even though I had a beautiful girl friend a ton of good friends and was in line for a tennis scholarship. One day at a party I tried cocaine and I thought I found the answer to all my problems. I was happy, productive, fun. I went away to College at 19 and the depression kept slowly getting worse. But my grades were great, I was working dating someone but inside I knew something was very wrong. I never saw a Dr because I thought I was just weak willed. I graduated college with a 3.9 GPA, I think school work kept me from thinking about how I felt. The next fall I left to go to law school and that's when things really started getting bad, trouble getting up, trouble going to class, I was totally anti-social, stayed in my apt but
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 03:35 PM
    • 0
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  • Sorry I'm writing so much but it's all important. So, I was struggling in law school cause of depression but was still OK to function somewhat ok, and pass my classes. During my second semester I hurt my back at the gym, went to the er and was given a script for vicoden. I had never used it or any painkiller beforebefore. When I got home I was in pain, the bottle said take 1-2 every 4 hours so I popped two. 20 minutes later, just like the coke but even more so the depression was gone. I was on top of the world and knew if I felt that way all the time I would be top of my class. So, I ended up getting hooked on pain pills. They helped in the beginning but once I built up a tolerance I was back to depressed again. To try to make this shorter I was one semester away from my law degree but I knew in my depressionI couldn't pass the bar exam . So, I took a semester off, moved in with my Aunt in NY and tried my best but the depression kept taking me back to pills. I don't think
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 03:47 PM
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  • 3 posts, I hope you're sticking with me because I'm getting to the point. I tried drug program after drug program but they never worked because they were only treating a symptom of a far bigger problem. Fast forward a bitbit, I drove my Aunt crazy and she kicked me out so I was homeless and nvery, very suicidal. I tried to jump in front of a train but just couldn't do it and I didn't have a gun. So I went to the er and told them I was going to kill myself. I got admitted and that was the start of things changing for me. I finally talked to a Dr. Who explained that I wasn't lazy, or a bomb I was clinically depressed and needed Ned's. I got on the Mets, they did nothing for like the first month but after that the haze started to lift. But by this time they were discharging me and I was still totally suicidal. I left that hospital went and bought 15 bags of good heroin and I had 120 Xanax. I went to a friend's and when I thought they were asleep I took everything. The next
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 03:56 PM
    • 0
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  • I know I'm writing I *****n book but I think this will all help you. So I woke up with a breathing tube down my throat. The Dr. Said I was in a coma for 5 days and they had no idea if I would ever wake up. Well I did, somehow. After that they locked me up in a long term state hospital. The first few months there were horrible, I tried hanging myself with a shower curtain. But I got a really good Dr who got me on the right mess. I stayed there for almost a year but I walked out a totally different person. From hating everything even sunlight, being extremely suicidal I left there not depressed and definitely no longer suicidal. I'm still getting things together but I can see a future now when before I only saw darkness. Basically, what I'm trying to tell u is go to a doctor now, I didn't get to one till I was 41. As bad as you feel now it can't be any worse than what I felt but now I'm like a different personand. Please don't wait till you're 41 because what you feel now
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 04:05 PM
    • 0
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  • Is just going to continue to get worse left untreated and eventually u will get suicidal. You can stop all of this now bro and have the rest of your life to enjoy. But your mental illness has to be treated by a good psychiatrist. Just trust me, I know right now you think u can never feel happy again, I thought the same, I was wrong. Good luck to u.
    Anonymous 1 Replies
    • November 7, 2015
    • 04:09 PM
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